Spirituality, Divorce and Transformation...can it really happen?

So Does Spirituality Make a Difference During Divorce? 

(Part Two)

  As I mentioned in part one, the life crisis of divorce brings into our lives an opportunity for deepening our spiritual experiences and practice in life….an opportunity that is sometimes neglected or even rejected.  The first question of this opportunity I want to raise is that the divorce crisis, which alters so much of life’s directions, causes one to wonder what the value of one’s faith is.  That is, if someone believes that their faith experience is something that ought to shield them from life’s hardships, then a crisis like this forces them to examine whether they have misunderstood their faith and need to reflect more deeply.  Other individuals instead cling to the understanding that faith should have protected them from divorce, and so they give up, deciding that faith is a waste of time.  It is THIS choice that, ultimately, determines whether one’s spiritual life grows deeper in the midst of the divorce crisis or withers away.  I say this, even though I know some are taught that the divorce proves faith was useless, or that the divorce somehow disqualifies the person from fully participating in the faith tradition.  But even then, one must choose whether to allow someone else’s understanding and restrictions to determine one’s own spiritual life.  I believe the personal nature of one’s faith experience implies that, at least to a significant extent, its validity and meaning are NOT subject to the whims and determinations of others.

As I move to the next section, I want to share of a couple of conversations that struck me in a similar and peculiar way.  One was many years ago.  An individual, who was not particularly religious at all, made a comment to me about a conversation she had with a Christian friend of hers.  I don’t remember all the details, but what struck me was, when the individual told me that her friend was talking to her about God, she thought it odd her friend talked as if she had just talked with God in a conversation.  I thought, “well, the friend probably did….it’s called prayer!”

  Then, more recently, I was visiting with a person of another religion who was chuckling as he was telling me about some friends he had talked with who spoke as if they had just heard God talking to them.  He thought it was hilarious.  Since he and I were learning about one another’s religion, I felt free to respond and tell him that the idea of hearing God speak is NOT such an odd thing….at least for us Christians.  Our practice, experience and belief is that God does, indeed, speak to us.  He speaks through the Bible, He speaks through His people, He speaks through nature, He speaks through our consciences….and the list goes on.  It was that day I realized very pointedly that the Christian experience of faith as personal and living relationship with God is not the kind of experience offered in some other faiths.  I bring this up at this point because it is significant in the rest of the article…..the assumption behind the concepts offered is that the experiences are in the context of a God who seeks to have vital, daily relationship with individuals like you and me.  Just thought I should be clear before moving on.

  So when a divorce comes into one’s life, there are abundant opportunities to test one’s faith, beyond the choice to believe or not.  There is, in most religions, a practical and ethical aspect to the faith.  For the Christian, the first and strongest test is in the realm of forgiveness and relationship.  Forgiveness is the example Christ set, and the example He expects to be followed.  When a marriage brinks on divorce, Christians must face their own willingness and ability to forgive.  In some cases, that willingness to forgive means the divorce will not be pursued in the first place.  In others, it is a matter of choosing not to nurse grudges, offenses and bitterness.  If the ex was particularly vicious in the court proceedings or the settlements, will you forgive, or will you not?  It is a true test of one’s commitment to Christ.  Oh, sure, it may not mean you feel all at ease and lovey-dovey around your ex, and you may have to intentionally forgive over and over again…but it remains as the choice you must make in a divorce:  will you choose to be a person who follows the example of Christ and forgive or not?  In fact, it may require daily or hourly prayer time with God, learning from God HOW to forgive.  In some cases, this can pave the way for reconciliation…..the restoration of the marriage to a hopeful and healthy future.  It may mean forgiving someone who has no interest in whether you forgive them or not, and who will never appreciate that you even tried.  In some cases, it may mean you have to forgive people not even involved who judge you and speak unkindly about you because you are divorced. 

  Other areas of testing of one’s commitment and faith arise time and again.  Another good example is honesty.  In the divorce process, assets, expenses and income are all to be reported.  There can be a great temptation to hide funds, to misrepresent expenses or assets, especially if the person is worried about their financial future.  Honesty?  Refusing to lie?  Even if it costs you?  This is a test many divorcing folks fail to pass.  Their faith is strong, but not if it is going to cost them.  The enticement to fudge a bit here, distort a bit there and justify it as looking out for the kids, or payback for past abuses.  Even just being able to hang on to your faith during the whirlwind, not giving up but believing that somehow, at some point, God will get you through, and that there is a future.  Despair looms large, but God looms larger when we look to God.

  Then there is the area of speech.  Spreading rumors, talking down an ex, even the language one uses to describe the ex…..the words from our mouths reveal a lot about what is in our hearts.  Or the way we handle anger and revenge can be entirely inappropriate.  The stories of clothes and belongings torn and thrown into the street, the vengeful way time with children is denied or court charges are filed over the most idiotic things…..anger out of control and the desire for revenge can be very strong.  But our scriptures are clear that vengeance belongs only to God, and that our anger is not to be harbored and nurtured, but resolved and released.   Those things may sound silly to someone not divorced, but have you not heard the stories of the ex spouses who come and kill their ex and children, then commit suicide?  Any person who has been through a difficult divorce understands exactly where the anger comes from, anger that, untamed, turns into such tragic and senseless action.  Nevertheless, the intensity of the emotional upheavals in a divorce is often so profoundly strong, that to deal with it effectively means turning for strength to God and scripture time and time again….sometimes within a matter of minutes or hours!

  Well, those are a few of the places our faith will be proved and tested during the divorce proceedings.  There are many, many more.  But the upside is, even though the best of us will probably make mistakes and poor choices at times, we can also discover that we really DO want to follow Christ, or that God really can help us in our despair.  We can also discover what, for me was my favorite insight: we can come to a deeper understanding of just how incredible and costly forgiveness really is, especially the forgiveness God offers to us.  If you are in the midst of divorce, and having to make choices about how you will respond to the challenges that come your way, I encourage you to let your faith guide you that your behavior and your commitment will glorify God and make you more like Christ.  It is a tragic, but unparalleled opportunity to grow in your faith.  Don’t waste it.

TL:dr  Specific examples of the ways divorce tests one’s faith and commitment.

My night in San Francisco... on the radio that is

Your Church:  Welcoming or Rejecting?

 

So, last night my participation in the radio panel out in San Francisco expanded from the original half hour to will over an hour. What a privilege, to be able to try to reach people with the message about the church’s need for compassion and sensitivity toward those whose lives have suffered the devastation of divorce.  The panel consisted of a San Francisco Pastor, a Court Mediator, A Christian Therapist for the first half hour, and then I came in a half hour in and the Therapist had to sign off.  If you didn't get to hear it, it is available as a podcast linked here on the blog.  

KFAX Interview on Craig Roberts Life Line

Click on the link for the January 15th show.

However, I’d like to address a couple of things that came up.

  The first was raised by the pastor. His theology of divorce is that if married couples lived 100% committed to Christ, there would be a 0% divorce rate, and so the main thing couples need to do is to humbly get right with Christ.  Secondly, he believes the scriptures teach that divorce isn't really allowed, except as a last resort in cases of adultery or abandonment, and that after you are divorced, you are to remain unmarried the rest of your life unless you reconcile.  This raises all sorts of things, including why my book is needed. 

  This pastor seemed a relatively kind fellow, and to have good intentions and probably has a good church and ministry out there, I don’t know.  But he clearly doesn't understand how the very things he says creates barriers between himself and Christians caught in the garbage of divorce….even though he says there is forgiveness in Christ and that divorced people would be welcome at his church without judgment. The way he stated the part about fully committed to Christ solving marriage problems implies right off the bat that if you are divorced, then you are not as good a Christian as he and the other Christians are who are still married.  The logic is sadly faulty.  A few illustrations will show you why.  If Christians were 100% committed, there would be no gossip in the church, either.  Nor would there be church splits.  Nor would there be the kind of pride that permits one Christian to look down upon another who thinks differently.  If you read Proverbs 6:16-19, or Romans 1:29-30 you will discover that God hates these things, too….but many Christians with the pastor’s attitude choose to focus on God’s hatred of divorce and neglect these areas.  They draw distinctions, because as we have all seen, people who are prideful, people who gossip, people who have stirred up church troubles can still end up being leaders in their churches….but not the divorced.  Because whether it is directly said or not, divorced Christians are often treated as second class Christians, while any other shortcomings are forgiven and forgotten.  Fortunately for us, God doesn't operate that way, just some of His people.

  Secondly, the “biblical” perspective he gave is certainly one of the interpretations of the Bible’s teachings about divorce.  But it is not the ONLY one.  In fact, as a conservative commentary I was reading just yesterday pointed out, from the earliest days of the Reformation, a great many Protestants have understood the scriptures to allow remarriage….yet this individual does not.  It sounds like he represents the only biblical position, yet his view flies in the face of some pretty heavy weight biblical scholars, from Augustine to Erasmus, Luther and more. 

  I’ll put together a blog later that can show you the various biblical interpretations on the topic, there are four.  If you are divorced, you become very sensitized to which view people at your church believe, and whether or not they realize there is more than one way to understand those scriptures.  And if you aren't divorced, you need to know how you present your interpretation makes a difference, and that there ARE other CHRISTIAN points of view.  So, enjoy the podcast if you listen to it.  I was honored to be part of the broadcast, and grateful for the opportunity given to me by Craig Roberts and the Lifeline program. 

TL:dr  Review of the broadcast shows how little things can reflect lack of understanding for divorced, intentional or not, thus driving them away from Christ and the church.

Is he really logical?

LOGIC ANYONE?

  As a pastor, I have often been surprised when individuals walk out of church, talking about how much the sermon meant to them, but as they described what it meant they had a completely different point than I intended, and than what most people heard.   (Although, I have also realized that sometimes God is dealing with different things for different people in the same message.)  I have learned that people interpret words in funny ways, sometimes based on their background, sometimes seeing only what they want to see, and sometimes without bothering to find out what the real intention was.  Of course, this creates plenty of problems in marriage, and even more in the aftermath of divorce.  I have had several of these kinds of experiences recently, and, having taught some classes in logic, thought it might help in your communications if I made some suggestions from logic.

  Sometimes people will take a phrase, and then perform two logical argument actions that create the illusion of being a sound argument, when it is, in reality, baseless conclusions.  The first one is to take words that somebody has expressed, and then jump in on them to discuss all the things those words DON’T express that they think should be there.  I have had this happen plenty of times, including some recent discussions, haven’t you?  What is funny is the person may go on and on in a tirade against this terrible stuff that wasn't said and how irresponsible the words were because they didn't include this information, and therefore the writer is wrong.  But the truth is, if it isn't said, then the responder really doesn't know what the write or speaker thinks about the issue of the tirade…because the only information given was what WAS said, not what was NOT said.  To pursue this kind of an argument is the logical fallacy called “an argument from silence.”  Any argument based on information that is missing is automatically not valid….as they say in the courtroom, “it assumes facts not in evidence.” 

  The other thing that I have seen is for a person to take the words, kind of twist them around as if they say something that may or may not be the intention….sometimes by drawing conclusions far beyond the scope of the comments provided…..and then attack those conclusions.  This is called building an argument by setting up a straw man, and, then destroying the straw man.  The trouble is, the argument is against something that doesn't exist….it is an argument against an artificially created “straw man.”  When someone does this, it gives the impression that they have accomplished some great feat of sound argument, teaching or doctrine.  In fact, they have avoided the real issues and dealt with fables and foolishness.  I have found both of these kinds of reactions exist with people who speculate about what is contained in my book, or who aren't exactly sure what a certain blog may be explaining.  Wouldn't it be better to ask somebody what they mean, than to jump to conclusions and wrongly assume the worst?  I know, in my marriage and relationships, it works best to give people the benefit of the doubt.  But some people are just naturally suspicious, I suppose. 

Sometimes the straw man problem can happen by an individual beginning to imagine all the possible outcomes that MIGHT occur, selecting the worst of those and on that basis, making a decision to avoid a choice.  Sort of the “if we go on a cruise, the ship could sink, and we could get food poisoning, there could be a hurricane, or we might lose our passports, or end up in a Caribbean jail, and everybody knows how many people fall off those cruise ships and die every year, so we just better forget going.”  Nothing is mentioned of the other possibilities:  we might have fun, most people DON’T fall off the ship, and we have never lost our passports before…

Bottom line, it is important to make sure our arguments and doctrine are built on solid arguments, not logically flawed discussions filled with assumptions and suppositions.  It is also important that we do the same in our relationships….take the time to really find out what those loved ones INTEND by what they say and do, what their goals and desires actually are, rather than assuming you can read minds and interpret words without asking questions.  More misunderstandings occur because of these kinds of errors than most of us realize, because we are all too often convinced that everybody else thinks exactly like we do.   But anybody who has studied language or psychology or communication (as I have), understands that something can mean very different things to different people and in different situations.   Better to make sure you understand BEFORE you jump into the fray!

TL:dr  Words communicate ideas, but can easily be wrongly interpreted into ideas never intended if our reasoning is not sound.  Marriage and relationships require taking time to actually hear and understand first!

Positively Opportunities for the Divorced

Divorced during Holidays---Opportunities for Change

So, how was your Christmas?  Isn't it amazing how much activity goes into celebrating such a solemn holiday?   I had a pretty good one this year, got to see most of the kids, enjoyed some nice music and worship times, and some really fun times of gift giving/receiving.   Hopefully, you found time for some meaningful worship time, some meaningful family time, and some ways to experience joy in all the hubbub.   

I don’t know about you, but I have thought a lot about those poor folks in Connecticut, Oregon, Colorado and now, Pennsylvania, who lost loved ones in rampages and had to celebrate Christmas with an empty spot at the table, too.  And frankly, I’d rather go through the experience of the difficulties of divorce than to suffer what those folks, especially those parents in Connecticut, have suffered.  

Tough as divorce can be, there are things that are tougher, and those of us who have experienced the ravages of divorce need to remember that during our frustrating times.

It is a good thing to know, that though much of life changes, and sometimes, even your marriage status due to divorce, the meaning and power of Christmas remains.  Perhaps some of you went through a difficult divorce year, dealing with frustrations of managing split schedules, feeling the loneliness of those hours when children were celebrating elsewhere while your home was empty and maybe, just maybe, even dealt with the hardship of finding your motives and meanings twisted and misinterpreted due to influence by an angry ex.  Many of us know those kinds of things (and more!).  But if you experienced any of that this year, I also want you to observe a couple of other things as well.  First, have you paid attention to the time you DID have with your children?  This Christmas especially, you know there are families such as those up in Connecticut who would give anything to have had even ONE hour with their children on Christmas!  Don’t allow yourself to get so focused on what did NOT go well that you lose sight of the things that DID go well, and the time you DID have with your children and loved ones.

Secondly, I would encourage you to also focus a bit on those hours the children were elsewhere and you were left to yourself.  What did you do with that time?  Were you at some other kind of celebration or worship time?  Did you spend some of that time with other friends or family members?  Maybe it was your time to clean up the house after the gifts, or to read over the Christmas cards that came, or do a few odd jobs that have been waiting your hand, or maybe even just to relax a bit while watching a ball game or to read a good book.  While your Christmas may have changed, those changes that feel so much like loss, also create opportunity for change to do something new or fresh.  So don’t only consider those changes as loss, recognize that the changes also contain the gift of opportunity, and so maybe you were able to do some things this Christmas season that you would not have been inclined to do (or even able to do) in other years.  Let those be something you celebrate as well.

With those things in mind, you have the same situation about to occur again in the upcoming New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  Things may be different, but that different may include some positive opportunities as well.  As you look forward to New Year’s Eve, realize that it, too, is a holiday that can be tough for those caught in divorce….especially around midnight when people are giving their spouses a New Year’s kiss.   However, it can also be a time to start something fresh, something  If that is you, think that you can create for yourself in the form of new traditions and taking advantage of new opportunities.  Instead of waiting till midnight on Monday to be caught off guard, begin now to think of ways to celebrate in fresh ways. 

Worthwhile Information

Pennies from Heaven Revisited!

So, haven’t said anything for a while about my little finds while out walking, so figure I ought to update you…..some interesting things.  However, first let me make sure you know, the internet radio interview did air on Sunday, and now can be replayed simply by going to their website, and going to the show section by date.  Mine will be found under Sunday, December 2^nd  on the following link: http://toginet.com/shows/indiebookpublishing   Later it will be on my website once construction is completed….I’ll let you know when that happens, should be soon.

Okay, back to walking.  If you don’t know the story, you can go back to the August 3^rd blog and read about my monetary and walking adventures, that describes times I found money while walking that God seemed to use to speak to me.   (You really should read it first if you haven’t.)  The walking, of course, relates not only to my own exercise, but exercise the dogs I take with me. 

So, I have been finding some interesting things of late.  First, you know all those animals that hibernate in the winter, and then come back out in the spring?  I think the opposite must happen with hardware fasteners.  That is, as I have walked recently, there has seemed to be an inordinate number of screws and nails lying along the path….mainly on the roads I cross or walk on.  And I don’t have any idea where they come from……because there aren't construction projects nearby.  Having had flat tires due to nails myself, I try to go ahead and pick up the ones I see, so that I can throw them away rather than have somebody get a flat or a hurt foot.  Maybe this appearance has to do with the recession.  Maybe the tire repair people have been driving around dropping nails and screws to up their business.  One never knows, I suppose.  So there isn't any great lesson in this, but I have sure gone downhill from what I was finding last summer.  But it gets worse!

The other day, when walking along, ran across a pooper scooper shovel thing.  Like the screws, the location of the scooper made absolutely no sense.  Unless maybe somebody went out trying to pick up deer droppings and got scared away.  But even then…..    Well, there are a couple of cats in our house, and a couple of litter boxes, and the scooper was actually pretty new looking and very clean……so we now have another litter shovel!  But I can’t help wondering if I have experienced a demotion of some sort, or if I am supposed to be learning humility and servant heartedness.  Naw….  I think I just need to start walking with my eyes closed!  I’ll let you know later how THAT works out!!

Divorce Difficulties

Issues with the Ex

So was visiting with a friend the other day, and we were talking some about one of the big issues that arises after a divorce:  the issue of boundaries.  Sometimes, an ex will assume he/she is welcome to just walk into the house, especially if it was the house that he/she had lived in previous to the divorce.  And it is hard sometimes for the individual to figure out how to handle that, especially if the ex is a very forceful type individual. 

Even once inside the door, sometimes behavior can be very odd…..the visitor may try to look into other rooms, or sit uncomfortably close, or overstay the welcome you extended.  There is on word for this whole thing:  awkward.  Very awkward.  Especially if there are kids around who are witnessing the whole thing….how do you ask the kids’ mom or dad to leave, without appearing to be mean or vengeful? 

In some cases, divorced individuals do okay with this area, they are able to talk to each other, discuss appropriate and appropriate behaviors and boundaries to abide by.  But in many cases, there is often one person who is not able to willing to discuss these things rationally, and take everything personally and behave inappropriately.  So what do you do?

If you aren’t able to discuss these boundary issues, then a good next step is to define for yourself what you are comfortable with, and write it down.  Then take that information and include it in a letter or email to your ex (keep a copy for your own records, by the way).  The advantage of this is you don’t have to try to outshout them or get diverted from what you are expressing while providing clear guidelines you are willing to use.  But some ex’s still don’t respect the request, what do you do, then?  Some immediately jump to court and file restraining orders….which often creates a hostile situation and only provides “protection” after the fact……in other words, if they show up, you can call the police, but the police aren’t going to post a guard 24/7 to keep them from showing up. 

Instead, I suggested an alternative to my friend, a woman with two children at home.  My first thought was for her to always be out on the porch when he arrives, and simply do the discussion out there.  That often can settle the difficulty.  However, some people don’t let that discourage them….they are insistent about entering the home.  Another option could be to walk to the car and stand outside the car door, talking only through the window and thus, blocking their exit from the vehicle.  Again, not everybody responds even to that.  So, another option would be to have a supporting individual present when the ex comes by (realizing that often it is necessary for them to come to return the kids).  If you are a woman, asking a tall and muscular male friend to be there can be a good discouragement to some men (although some would pick fights instead).  Finally, if the problem occurs when children are returning from the other parent’s home, an alternative solution would be to arrange the pickup and drop-off at a neutral place…..”just bring them to the mall….I’ll meet you at such and so a place.”  (And you can explain a bit to the children in age appropriate information that you just want your home to be your private space….just don’t run down the ex while you explain.)  Or, if it isn’t a matter of children and the person refuses to cease, then perhaps one call to the police to report a trespasser would be enough to discourage their behavior.  

Bottom line:  this is all very stupid.  Nobody should even HAVE to try to figure out how to handle these things.  But some people just like to keep things stirred up.  Others like to “have their cake and eat it, too” thinking that they should be free to come and go as they please.  So if this is you, good luck…it can be a very troublesome problem.  Over time, though, the problem will probably fade and resolve itself as your ex finds other things to do with his/her time than snoop around your house.  By the way, if you have dealt with this yourself, and have some other good ideas to suggest, feel free to add comments to this blog. 

TL:dr  Ideas for handling a difficult ex.

Invited...

47%  ??????

Did you see the headline I ran across the other day?  A recent survey by the Pew Group (http://www.pewforum.org/Unaffiliated/nones-on-the-rise.aspx) reported that for the first time, Protestants are less than 50% of the US population.  They also mentioned a stat that I ran across elsewhere, that the fastest growing religious category in the US is “no religion.”  Why is that?

Well, people refer to lots of theories.  For instance, secular humanism gets blamed a lot…..how it has done away with people feeling a need for God.  Other people think the decline began with the Enlightenment, that the Age of Reason took God out of the middle of the universe and put the human mind at the center instead.  Some think the problem began with Darwin’s theory of evolution, replacing the Creator with the process of natural selection.  More recently, some blame things like moral relativism, by which people no longer feel guilt and therefore no need for forgiveness, or the rise of New Age eastern philosophy.  Some would blame the rise of busy-ness here  in the USA, such as Sunday sports activities for kids and schools that schedule programs during times that used to be considered reserved for religious education.  And, of course, there is also the good old, “Satan has been working hard.”  Probably, the list could go on for hours, to include things like deconstructionism, or the demythologization of scripture, or higher criticism, or competitive movements like Moonies or Scientology. 

I think there is another core cause.  I was visiting with a senior citizen recently, who told me about attending his Bible study group on Sunday, and how few were in attendance.  He then mentioned a picture (maybe on the wall?) of the class some years earlier that had over 30 or more people in it as opposed to the handful that day.  The question he raised with me was, do you realize what that means?  I know the answer he expected was something like, “It means so many of your friends have passed away.”  But that wasn’t what he got.  Instead, I said, “Well, what it means to me is that it would appear your friends have not been very good at inviting and including new people into their group.” 

We like to say the reason so many churches are struggling and the faith decline exists in this country is due to one or more of the things listed above (or not listed above).  But really, the core problem is not outside the church, but within the church.  The core problem is that we don’t effectively reach others for Christ, maybe because we don’t take seriously the urgency of that need, acting as if it can all happen later, or God won’t really punish anybody except the really bad ones we don’t like.  Or maybe we implicitly accept the notion that there are many ways to God, and we don’t really need to share the Gospel.  Everyone of these reasons flies in the face of clear biblical teachings.  The fault is not theirs, it is ours.  We don’t pray enough.  We don’t invite enough.  We don’t love enough.  We don’t care enough.  We don’t try enough.  We don’t value human souls enough.  We don’t take the Great Commission seriously enough.  We don’t risk enough.  We don’t trust God enough. 

It may be hard to hear, but does it really bother you that no religion is the fastest growing group in the U.S.?  Does it bother you enough to make you change your behavior?  Is God important enough to you that you will share what you have found in Him, and take more seriously the call to be His witness?  When you look back over your life, how many people have you shared Christ with, inviting them to give their lives to Him?  (Note, not how many believed, that is up to God….how many opportunities have you given for God to touch those hearts?)  Well, that statistic is just a statistic, and things change, but it is worth giving us cause us to think.   ALTHOUGH, for clarity’s sake, I also have heard that part of the decline in Protestant numbers is because many recent churches don’t fit in the technical definition of “Protestant” and are therefore counted in some other way.  Just thought I’d raise the issue.

TL:dr  Recent census numbers on the decline of believers should challenge us.

Really... 'finger rings, nose rings?'

What’s YOUR Favorite Verse???

Have you ever noticed that the verses in the Bible don’t always make sense in terms of how they were divided?  (You do realize, don’t you, that the verse numbers aren’t original….they were added in much later, right?)  The placement is odd enough, that one of my friends and I used to share our favorite verses when asked as, “And the second” Luke 20:30 (that was his) and “finger rings, nose rings” Isaiah 3:21 as mine.  (Don’t believe me?  Look them up!)  The silly old story is that the guy who put in the verses was riding in a carriage at the time, and the wheel must have hit a bump or hole in the road at the moment he read that verse, leaving the ink smear that became the verse marker there.

Well, lots of people know where to point when you ask them their favorite verse of the Bible.  Others use the concept of a “life verse” instead.  I do have a verse that especially means a lot to me that I would tell you is my favorite if you asked (besides the Isaiah verse), but the truth is, there are many verses that really speak to me.  Because it is true that specific phrases and verses can have tremendous impact in our lives at certain times. 

However, like me, perhaps you have heard people quoting verses, and then later, when you looked them up, found out when you read around it, the verse didn’t mean at ALL what the people had indicated.  It is so important to check out the context of a verse, not merely the apparent meaning of a verse itself.  I think a good example is in Malachi 2:16, part of which is often quoted when people say, “God hates divorce.”  But the context implies there is a whole lot more going on than just that God hates divorce.  (I’m going to let YOU look it up yourself, just for practice in examining context if nothing else!) 

People say that P.T. Barnum once said, “There is a sucker born every minute.”  And the people who say that, are some of the suckers!   Because Barnum didn’t say it.  Look it up.  Someone could possibly say that there is a Bible verse misused out of context every day.  And they’d be right.  Just don’t let yourself be the sucker taken in by it, okay?

TL:dr  Biblical context is EVERYTHING when understanding biblical quotes.