Giving Thanks in All Things

Thanksgiving

   Thanks to Best Buy, to WalMart, and to Sears and to all the other wonderful stores that make sure people plan their holiday around what time they need to camp outside of their favorite stores to get special deals.  Thanks to Macy’s for a wonderful parade, (which, by the way, I almost always watch part of and was privileged to see in person one time).  Thanks to…..well, how about God? 

  I apologize……kind of…..for having not posted anything for you lately, but a while back my 90 year old mother began to decline, and she passed into Jesus’ arms last week.  The service was Saturday, so this Thanksgiving, we are celebrating Thanksgiving without the uncle who passed away in August, and my mother.  On the other hand, dad just celebrated his 93^rd birthday yesterday.  You see, there are things in life that cause us to sorrow and struggle, but there are also things to give thanks for as well.

  We watched a video during worship Sunday that reminded us al that during Thanksgiving, we need to realize how precious having a family is, and to give thanks for that rather than focus on the irritations that can arise.   ( Family Thanksgiving Song)  So if you are celebrating your Thanksgiving with family, take time to thank God for each one you see….even if it is just something you do silently in your heart. 

  There are some who are facing this Thanksgiving holiday for the first time without their spouse who divorced them, and, because of that, without their children.  It can be a lonely and sorrowful time.  If you know such a person, let them know today, or in the days ahead, that you are thinking of them.  And maybe even find a way to include them in some activity…if not a last minute Thanksgiving invite, maybe going shopping, or coming over for leftovers tomorrow night (by the way, I know I have mixed my plurals and singulars in these sentences.  I just don’t care, because he/she is just too awkward, I think).

As I give Thanks today, I wish all would remember that which we have forgotten, that there IS Someone to whom we need to give thanks.  God is real.  It is by His grace and sustaining power we live, breathe, move and “have our being.”  So if you are with family today, give thanks for that.  If your family has splintered this year, and you are experiencing that troubling shift in life, you can still find something for which to give thanks.  This is some 14 years after my divorce, and some 10 after my wife’s, and even now, there is awareness that things are different than they used to be.  But some of those differences have become very good, and very special….and that is something for which I give thanks, and something some of you may need to look forward to experiencing while you struggle today. 

A Dysfunctional Family Thanksgiving Song

  And please, don’t ever confuse WalMart, Sears, Macy’s or Best Buy (or any of their commercial compatriots) with God, even though they may act like they are the most important, they are not.  Give thanks to the only one who really deserves our greatest thanks, God himself.  Happy Thanksgiving dear readers! 

P.S.  I did an internet radio interview the other day for Indie Books, and it will air on the internet this weekend.  Mine is the third interview in the show.   If you are interested in hearing it, the access information is below:

Sunday, November 25^th, at 5:00-6:00 PM Eastern Standard Time on TogiNet Radio (www.toginet.com)
v To find the Indie Book Publishing Show Page, go to: http://toginet.com/shows/indiebookpublishing
v To listen live, click the “Live on Air” (yellow arrow) at the top, left side of the page.

Really... 'finger rings, nose rings?'

What’s YOUR Favorite Verse???

Have you ever noticed that the verses in the Bible don’t always make sense in terms of how they were divided?  (You do realize, don’t you, that the verse numbers aren’t original….they were added in much later, right?)  The placement is odd enough, that one of my friends and I used to share our favorite verses when asked as, “And the second” Luke 20:30 (that was his) and “finger rings, nose rings” Isaiah 3:21 as mine.  (Don’t believe me?  Look them up!)  The silly old story is that the guy who put in the verses was riding in a carriage at the time, and the wheel must have hit a bump or hole in the road at the moment he read that verse, leaving the ink smear that became the verse marker there.

Well, lots of people know where to point when you ask them their favorite verse of the Bible.  Others use the concept of a “life verse” instead.  I do have a verse that especially means a lot to me that I would tell you is my favorite if you asked (besides the Isaiah verse), but the truth is, there are many verses that really speak to me.  Because it is true that specific phrases and verses can have tremendous impact in our lives at certain times. 

However, like me, perhaps you have heard people quoting verses, and then later, when you looked them up, found out when you read around it, the verse didn’t mean at ALL what the people had indicated.  It is so important to check out the context of a verse, not merely the apparent meaning of a verse itself.  I think a good example is in Malachi 2:16, part of which is often quoted when people say, “God hates divorce.”  But the context implies there is a whole lot more going on than just that God hates divorce.  (I’m going to let YOU look it up yourself, just for practice in examining context if nothing else!) 

People say that P.T. Barnum once said, “There is a sucker born every minute.”  And the people who say that, are some of the suckers!   Because Barnum didn’t say it.  Look it up.  Someone could possibly say that there is a Bible verse misused out of context every day.  And they’d be right.  Just don’t let yourself be the sucker taken in by it, okay?

TL:dr  Biblical context is EVERYTHING when understanding biblical quotes.

Fresh Moves from God

Chocolate Chip Cookie Diet??????

Hey, before you read this one, you might want to look up 2 Samuel 6:12-23…..it comes up later in the blog.  So, I keep bumping into the ongoing church hassles over what kind of music the service is going to have.  Mainly because God tends to have me involved with long standing churches rather than the new starts, and so the churches I have been involved with have had to deal with facing the possibility of making changes or dying.  And they hate making changes.  All too often, some people in those churches seem to be clinging to the past as if that is where their salvation and security rests, when in fact, their salvation and security rests in Christ alone, and Christ moves fresh in each generation and each period of our lives.  Why is it so hard to let go of the past and embrace something fresh God might be doing?

Well, the context of this time the topic came up arises from a conversation with an out of town friend who has observed such a dispute in relation to music in something she was involved with.  As we discussed it, I suggested that the real issue isn’t about music, it’s about “me,” about whether I am truly open to God doing whatever God wants and my willingness to get on board with his moving, or whether I am the one in charge and what God can and cannot do in my church and life is limited by whether or not it fits in with what I want or what I like or what I think is best.  God’s choice of calling us His children is sometimes very apt.  But I know very few parents who will feed their children only what they want and like, or few teachers who will only teach children what the children think is best.  If they realize it isn’t best to let children always have their own way, why do we think God should do that in our lives?

In the Bible, that story in Samuel about David and his dance when bringing up the ark……or perhaps some of the Acts stories about the early church…. make the best parallels to this modern dilemma.  David was lost in worship, dancing his heart out, not paying close enough attention perhaps, but so enamoured and excited with God and what God was doing, that he just didn’t notice or even care!  Michal sat in judgment on it.  If it was today, she might have said, “You know, we just don’t worship that way.  It isn’t very respectful of God, it seems to me.  We have to set an example, you know.”  And she was rebuked and punished for daring to berate the exuberance of David’s love for God.  Not a good choice on her part.  And probably not a good choice by many Christians, today, either.

Just saying.  When Paul makes a big thing about the diverse gifts and roles in the body of Christ, I don’t understand why so many Christians think every other Christian should think and act just like they do!  The saddest thing in all of this is that when we put these limits on God’s work in our midst, it is US who get shortchanged.  We miss out on all God COULD accomplish through us, all the “beyond imagination” sorts of things God wants to do in our lives and in our world.  I guess, though, if all we want is peanut butter and cookies………   Just sayin’……..

                                                                        

TL:dr  It is critical to be open to fresh moves of God.

Water the goodness in your heart!

We are in Kansas, which is one of many states in drought conditions.  We have watered bushes, tomato plants, roses, flowers, trees…..the plant kingdom around here is simply not very happy.  You really see it with all the brown stalks in the cornfields.  Told somebody I’m just going to plant cactus next year!  Anyway, as I rode my bike up to the house the other day, it occurred to me that the weeds didn’t seem to mind the drought at all…..they are doing just fine!  Seems to me there’s a lesson in that.  When in drought times of your life…..such as a divorce…..it is critical that you carefully water and nurture the good plantings in your heart, because the weeds will grow freely if you don’t.  I pulled a bunch of weeds out of the strawberry patch yesterday…..maybe you need to pull a few out of your heart.  Seems to me somebody once gave a parable about the importance of tending the soil of your heart……..Mark 4 maybe?  Just a thought.  

Somebody wishes they had this……..

  

Well, been visiting with a few friends and acquaintances the last couple of days.  Received some comments regarding the way that the blog is being shared and as they surprised me I thought I would share them.  

I received a comment from a friend that told me of a relative who is reading my blogs and about the book and, apparently is passing the info along to friends they know who are struggling.  That relative had been divorced years ago, and had commented that he/she wished something like this had been available during his/her divorce.  Which is EXACTLY why I have been writing what I have…..especially the book.  Several divorced folks lately have indicated their agreement with me that there is such a dearth of material like this available to help Christian folks through times of divorce.  Hopefully, my musings can help fill that gap for those folks somewhat.  Believe me, when you are experiencing the tumult of divorce, you are desperately hungry for something like this to help you through it. 

Another friend who has pretty much read the whole book while dealing with his divorce made what I thought was a good observation.  He said that it wasn’t so much that I offered all the answers and solutions (I don’t), as it was that in reading the devotions in the book, he really appreciated the way it helped him realize that what felt so bizarre to him actually was something shared by others going through divorce, that it was kind of “normal,” and that made him feel less alone and a bit reassured……especially since he knows me well enough to know I have made it through.  He also says he appreciated that I shared how I wrestled with the issues…..that he may not come to the same solutions, but it helped him as he was sorting things out for himself.  Just so you know.

And then, another person told me that she had shared with her pastor one of the blog entries that related specifically to the experience of divorce.  When she did, she said he commented that the post was actually pretty helpful to him, that it really did fit well with his experiences pastoring folks who were going through divorce.  He also said it helped him have a better sense of what those folks must be going through.  Which was echoed by another friend who has also already read the book.  She told me she believes every pastor ought to read this book, because, not being divorced herself, she feels like it so helped her understand better what divorcing people are going through, and made her more sensitive to their struggles.  Actually, have heard that a couple of times.

But the truth is, it only gives a hint at the experience.  I remember at my first church, when as a young pastor I was trying to help people in the midst of divorce, how it was hard for me to understand it very well.  I did try.   But when I went through my divorce, I realized how little I truly comprehended.  It is an indescribable experience.  But it is my hope that sharing some of it as best I can, may help someone reading it to be just a little better in their encouragement and ministry to the divorced people around them.  That is why I have asked that you pass the link along to others, because somewhere down the line there is somebody who needs the encouragement and hope they can find through these little reflections.

There is one other story….but that is for another blog.  My wife says you will really get a kick out of……….maybe tomorrow……

P.S.  If you have some extra rain where you live, we’d appreciate you sending some of it our way……

TL:DR  Hard times are opportunities for bad habits to take root in our lives.  And some stories to share.

Stagnant Water is NOT God’s plan! - Even during a drought...

I heard from an individual who reads the blog that she was talking with another person who visits the blog.  That second person….call him FRED…was receiving the notices, but wasn’t sure why he was getting them……until the day God showed him why.  At this point, I didn’t receive the whole story in detail, but the nutshell is that Fred has a relative whose close friend (I think) was having a rough time with a divorce filed against them.  So Fred passed along the site to the relative, so it could be shared with the friend. 

I want to challenge you to consider that God has a purpose in you reading this blog as well.  Maybe you are not getting divorced, and maybe you don’t even know somebody who is getting divorced with whom you can share the material.  But maybe, like Fred, somebody you know is aware of somebody who is desperately need of this kind of hope.  And maybe, like Fred, you don’t even realize it.   Kind of like that whole “six degrees of separation” thing.  What can you do?

It is my hope and prayer that the materials I have put together get to the hands and hearts of those who really need it.  But I cannot do that without your help.  If you feel this site has something worth reading now and then, I want to suggest that you recommend it to several of your friends by sending them the link and telling them about it.  Those friends of yours may be the ones who know somebody who NEEDS to know about this blog and my little book.  Or maybe it will be their friends who knows that person.  But God knows even now the ones He desires to reach with His love through this ministry. 

Ah, but like my friend, you may feel like the blog is good for you, and that maybe God is trying to speak to YOU.  Well, that may well be, I would never question that.  But in my experience, God rarely touches people just for our own sake.  Instead, he gives these things to us so that we can pass them along to others in need.  So that He can use us.  Paul expresses this very notion in 2 Corinthians 1:1-5 where he indicates that the comfort God gives us, God wants to use to comfort others THROUGH us!  Somebody once said we are meant to be conduits of God’s love and grace, not cisterns.  I want to ask you directly to intentionally make yourself that conduit…..pass along the link.  Who knows what might happen. 

TL:DR  God may have placed people within your circle who either need to know about this blog site, or who know somebody else who needs to know about it.  Our job is to pass it on.

The Parable of the Pansy

      ...and the intensity of divorce

  So, in my family, I plant the flowers, my wife plants the vegetable garden.  I don’t know about you, but when I look at flowers, it seems to me that the color of a pansy is about one of the most intense of colors in the flower world.  Oh, I know, tulips and roses can be pretty intense, and cannas are right up there, too.  There are plenty, so you flower folks who really know what you are doing may easily dispute the assertion, but, as I said, I think the color of pansies is about the most intense colors we find.  The picture I posted is, of course, of pansies I saw along the side of the road at a house somewhere up in the Rockies around Aspen.  Beautiful, aren’t they? 

  We actually drove all the way out to Reno and Tahoe from here in Kansas for a  nephew’s wedding…..they had me perform the ceremony.  That was kind of cool, I thought.  And we drove back through Arches National Park and across Colorado where we got to visit with friends.  (All of which, by the way, is why I haven’t been posting so many blogs recently……just so much to do and see!!)

  Well, the intensity of the flower color, along with some other conversations and experiences got me to thinking about something I wanted to share on the blog…….especially for those of you who have never been divorced.  Over the years of pastoring, there have been many times I have been involved in offering support and encouragement to folks whose marriages were ending in divorce.  I remember well how difficult it was to find the right words for the time when words did not seem to be enough.  I remember some of those folks sitting in my office, so utterly sad, so devastated, or so angry or listless.  Sometimes they remained almost as if they just didn’t want to leave, to be alone.  I offered the best encouragement I knew how to offer, but the truth is, I really didn’t have a clue.  Not until my divorce.  And then, there were so many experiences, struggles and surprises.

  What may have surprised me the most was the intensity of the emotions.  I have not suffered the experience of having a very close loved one die, so I cannot really offer a useful comparison to that.  And I suppose the emotional responses really vary from person too person…..at least, that is what I have observed.  But I was overwhelmed by how utterly intense and consuming the various emotions were in the midst of that ugly process of divorce.  Times of utter sadness.  Other times of desperate loneliness.  An inner agony that just ached at the loss.  Anger that would be stirred at inconsiderate behaviors or frustrations with the courts.  It wasn’t so much the various emotions, but how intense they are that I could not have guessed would be the case.  I was encouraged at the time when I heard another refer to the extreme sense of loneliness…..at least I wasn’t the only one! 

  If you have not experienced divorce, and are trying to help someone who is, perhaps it might help a bit if you realize the intensity of emotional upheaval they are experiencing.  Compare a pansy to a petunia, and maybe that difference could help you understand.  Or think of the adrenaline rush of the rollercoaster or bungee jumping…..but then extend it way beyond those few seconds of the ride to the days, weeks and months involved in divorce. 

Then you have a hint of what it is like.  No wonder those folks lingered so long in the office….they were hurting even more than I knew.  How important it is in those times to know that someone cares.  Tell those YOU know of your care for their struggles.  I’ll share some other pictures later……got some really cool shots, think you will enjoy them.

TL:dr  Divorce creates extreme emotions that are not always comprehended by those around them.  And pansies are pretty!

God all around us

Know right now, I am NOT an ornithologist.  Not even a bird watcher.  Not really.  But I do notice them.  Remember that old song, “May the Bluebird of Happiness Fly Up Your Nose,”……..no, better not go there.  Nonetheless, while the wife and I were down at the lake, we were wandering toward the shore from the cabin, and happened across a bluebird that appeared to me to be rather young, which may account for what we noticed.  Didn’t look like the bluebirds I have seen before…..but it never turned to face us, so I didn’t get a front view.  It was puttering around on the ground about 5 yards from us…..not sure what it was looking for, but it was just kind of wandering around there.  My wife commented, and I agreed, that it was about the brightest blue she had ever seen in a bluebird.  It really was.  Almost iridescent…..and the bluebird probably doesn’t even know what that word means!  Kind of a cool serendipity sort of moment.  We stood and watched it until it finally flew away.  Really striking.

One of my favorite quotes was written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.  It goes like this:

                     “Earth's crammed with heaven,
                     But only he who sees takes off his shoes;
                    The rest sit round and pluck blackberries.”

That bird was a good example.  All around us, every day, there are sights, sounds and moments of wonder and beauty, if we will stop to look and take off our shoes, instead of gorging ourselves with the blackberries.  That was a pretty cool moment for me, probably for us, but definitely for me.  I also got a kick out of the little fish that would come and eat what we had stirred up on the rocks by the shore with our feet…..even getting within an inch of my toes to get to whatever it was as they flitted around in the water.  Fish are fast, you know that?  Well, hope you have some moments today. I plan on doing so.

TL:DR  A chance encounter with a beautiful bluebird reminds us that there are special touches of God all around us if we look to see them.

Wow!  It has finally happened.  For quite some time now, I have had a dream of putting together the devotional book Finding God in the Seasons of Divorce.  Divorce can be one of the toughest experiences a person can go through, and the stresses it creates can be tremendous.  All too often these days we hear of a divorced spouse finding their way into the house of their ex, or kidnapping the children, and it all ending up in tragic deaths through murder and suicide.  Divorce can literally be so hard that people would rather die!

In my experience, the church has not done too good of a job at helping people caught up in this struggle.  In fact, all too often, all these folks hear from the people at church is that divorce is wrong, and that if they were right with God they wouldn’t have these problems, along with lots of other condemning and, frankly, pretty self righteous comments.  At a time when a person most needs the kind of love a church can offer, ostracism and rejection is the experience instead.  Or, perhaps even worse, the awkwardness of silence, as nobody quite knows what to say or do as a marriage dissolves before their eyes.

It is my hope that this devotional book will be something to fill that void, and to let divorcing folks know that God DOES care, and that God CAN help, and that God WILL speak to them.  It has taken me literally years to pull together the things I have learned and get them down in writing.   I am thrilled that it is finally down and available for folks who desperately need to know God’s care for their lives through the stormy time of divorce.  I hope that this resource can be something Christian pastors and friends can use to help their struggling friends. 

This first volume…..Fall and Winter…..deals with the times of devastation as the divorce process begins and things become difficult and uncertain.  The second volume…..which is nearing completion now……deals with Spring and Summer, the times when one starts to put life back together after the marriage is over, and begins to find new paths for life.

I look forward to hearing the ways God uses these words to help people in need of a kind word from God in a stressful time of life.