Music, Christmas and Divorce...a recipe for healing

Christmas Carols, Mall Music and the Hallelujah Chorus!

So, just got home from practice at church for a Christmas musical presentation.  They do a really nice evening service with the choir singing a cantata, and bring in instruments for an accompanying orchestra…..I have both attended and played in the orchestra (nobody wants me to sing in the choir---especially those who have heard me sing!).  ANYWAY…..

As I got back home and was thinking about the music, it occurs to me that I haven’t mentioned anything about music, Christmas and divorce on the blog.  There really are some huge points of contact.  Probably I should clue you in to the fact that I am a sentimental sap, and it definitely impacts my perspective.  I remember so many times just after the divorce, when Christmas music would play on the radio or off the CD's, and sometimes it was all I could bear to let it play through the song.  Some of those Christmas songs that promise Christmas with that special someone ring so hollow in the time after a divorce.  Some of the songs bring back memories of family times that have now become a part of the past instead of the present….memories that can be pretty painful.  And some of the songs kind of spit in your face…especially that first year after a divorce….songs about the joy of the season and the wonderful time Christmas is….songs that simply do not match the emptiness of a broken heart.

On the other hand, some of those songs will serve to remind you that even though your marital world has changed, there is a constancy in life, tradition and God, that remains in spite of the changes.  People will still wish us A Merry Christmas, Christmas Eve remains a Holy Night, Santa will still need that red nose to guide the sleigh, and Snoopy will share a drink with the Red Baron while the Christmas bells ring.  There is such a wide variety of moods and meanings in the Christmas music, and, for me, the Christmas movies. 

So if you are one who is mourning the loss of a marriage (or maybe even the loss of a spouse or loved one), may I suggest that you allow the music of this season to be a vehicle for inner healing.   Allow the emotions they evoke to guide you through some of your inner struggles, hopes, fears and joys.  Let the tears flow when you hear someone sing that they long to have Christmas with that special someone or carolers come with Christmas wishes to a lonely widow (I really like that song).  Let some of the fun songs take you back to happier times, when reindeer hooves made clicks on the roof, or when you try to keep straight how many lords go leaping and how many dancers are dancing.  Some can bring you back to the core of what the holiday is really about, perhaps as you listen to Handel’s Messiah, or remember the midnight clear in the little town of Bethlehem.  And maybe you can find some new song you can claim as your own in a new chapter of your life……I’m always big on the Chipmunks, the Jingle Dogs, and Michael W. Smith’s Christmas recordings.  (In fact, some of the songs, such as poor grandma with her reindeer collision, are only allowed when I am in the house by myself.) 

In fact, I ran across a pretty nice idea in my own devotional readings the other day.  Carol Knapp, a writer for the Guideposts Devotionals, suggested finding a phrase in a Christmas song that has meaning for you, and allow it to be the theme of the season for yourself.  The example she used was the phrase “wonders of His love” out of “Joy to the World” as a phrase that really helped her one year reflect on Christmas in a new way, and see God’s work in the world around her as she prepared for Christmas.  Maybe you might want to adopt her idea….it’s a pretty good one, I think.  Anyway, the angels sang, Mary sang, Elizabeth sang, and every generation of Christians have sung of Christ’s birth ever since that incredible birth in the manger.  Find a way to join them and sing as well (even if you have to do it where nobody can hear, like I do!).  Well, I better get practicing.

TL:dr  Christmas music can be God’s tool for God’s grace in your soul this season.

  

A Broken Heart

Oaken Broken Heart!

  One of the most powerful images I experienced in scripture is found several places.  I most noticed it in Psalm 34:18, 147:3 and Isaiah 61:1 (you can look them up yourself if you want to do so).  These texts describe the unique and especially intimate way God cares for a select group of people.  That group of people is those who are broken hearted.  God promises to be near to them, and describes Himself as seeking up bind up and heal their broken hearts.  And that is a huge part of so many experiences in life, especially in divorce.  When a marriage ends like that, there are broken hearts all over the place.  One spouse’s heart may have been broken years before, as they* saw their marriage decay and their spouse fall so far short of what they had hoped and dreamed their marriage would be.  That is usually the person who files.  The one who is filed upon is often surprised, and their heart breaks as they experience this once beloved person turn against them in what feels like betrayal.  And, of course, the children’s hearts break as they see mommy and daddy fighting, crying or struggling.  And the grandparents’ hearts break as they watch their child and grandchildren go through the upheaval and agony of divorce.  Plenty of broken hearts to go around in a divorce.

  But not only in divorce.  Yesterday, I went out to the hospital early to see my 91 year old uncle who has decided it is time to call in hospice and end all the treatments, medicines and therapies.  I took my nearly 93 year old dad in with me to see his brother.  Lots of heartbreak in that room.  In losing a loved one, it is helpful when we see that the individual has lived a full and long life, but the truth is, one is never really ready to let go.  But we have to, ready or not. 

   Hearts break as boyfriends split up from their girlfriends.  Hearts break when long loved pets die.  Hearts break when hopes are dashed by test scores, rejection letters and pink slips from the boss. 

  You can tell already that this topic is dear to my heart (which has had it’s own share of breaks), and so you know it is well covered in the book itself.  But here I want to point out something simple in case you are experiencing some kind of heartbreak in your world.  When your heart is breaking, there is a unique and special opportunity to experience a precious intimacy with God, because in those tender moments, God chooses to draw near to you because of those wounds.  Don’t neglect to embrace those loving arms in the midst of YOUR heartache.

*For those of you who haven’t seen the book, I do explain in it that I DO REALIZE that grammar expects plural nouns to go with plural verbs, and when referring to an individual, we are supposed to use the singular.  But my thing is that I am frustrated that we haven’t developed an effective gender neutral pronoun (calling a person “it” just doesn’t evoke positive responses, unless you are playing tag).  So rather than have somebody ticked that I tried to include women in “him” or men in “she,” I choose to use the plural and let the grammarians pull their hair.  Just so you know.

TL:dr When our hearts are broken, God is near if we look to sense His presence. 

Thankful for the rain!

Yes Virginia, there really is rain!

Well, we had skywater fall down the other night!  I have heard from ¾ to 1 ½ inches.  But pulling weeds, there wasn’t enough rain that it went very deep…..soil was pretty dry at root level.  But I wanted to tell you something I came across today.  Was out early, walking the dog (no, no money was found!), and was surprised to discover that, for the first time, as I walked along, I would run into groups, herds, flocks, gaggle…..what do you call a whole bunch of mosquitoes and gnats flying around together?  Anyway, there were several times walking along I would feel myself (it was dark) walk into a bunch of the bothersome insects, and have to shoo them away with my hands.  Which means that, during all this drought time, they have been doing whatever those pests do when there isn’t stagnant water standing to gather round.  So, even in a drought, there was something good there if I had only noticed!  And, with all the relief that we have with the rain, there is also the problem of mosquitoes that wasn’t there before.  (And I will have to mow the lawn sometime soon now, too.  I really don’t remember how many weeks it has been since I last had to mow the entire lawn!)

So the point is simple.  In even the worst of droughts, there are things for which we can be thankful if we don’t just pay attention to the rough things.  And in the best of times, there are still things that aren’t so great.  So no matter what the weather, or the circumstances of life, we always are choosing whether to find something to complain about, or something about which to give thanks.  Which one describes you?

TL:DR  In even the worst of droughts, there are things for which we can be thankful if we do't just pay attention to the rough things

Pennies from Heaven!

Laughing with God….aka…..Pennies from Heaven!

Do you believe God has a sense of humor?  I do.  I have seen it lots of times in my life and ministry.  So I have had some pretty funny experiences, lately.  At least, I think the are funny.  Let me set the stage.  We moved in recent years to our new location because we felt God was leading us to do that so as to be available to assist my aging parents.   And we felt pretty confident that it was God leading……have seen multiple confirmations over the passing months.  Additionally, over the last year, I have taken to going on early morning walks, several miles, brisk pace, partly for the sake of the dog’s bladder,  and partly to get this old body of mine into some kind of physical condition.  (And no, they didn’t invite me to try out for the Olympics.)  The other tidbit that is important to the context is that in our Bible study group, we were reviewing the Exodus story, noting especially how God provided for His people during the tough wilderness times of their lives and journey.  Now, to the story:

As many folks are during this tough economic climate, we have to watch pennies pretty closely, and some months things get awfully tight.  I handle much of the financial work in our family, and so, when bills mount up, I especially feel it.  (That, and my wife probably has greater faith than I do in these matters……but that’s another story, too---see the book.)  Anyway, a couple of months ago was out walking the dog about 5:30 in morning, headed on my usual route, and talking with God as we walked.  Since bills were awaiting my return, money was on my mind, and so I was raising the idea that since we were here doing what we felt God had led, surely He would look after the financial aspect of things for us, too….but that I wished it would happen a bit more speedily or in ways other than I was experiencing.  And preferably it should happen before the due date of the bills!  The story of manna from heaven was fresh in my mind, if not actually part of the conversation with God. 

So walking along, just having finished that conversation with God, I happened to glance down to see a shiny nickel laying on the ground.   As I picked it up, I felt as if God was laughing with me and saying, “See, I could drop money to the ground in front of you just as I did the manna for the Israelites when they were going through their wilderness time.”  I laughed, but responded, “yeah, but it’s going to take more than just a few nickels for some of those bills!”  Walking further on…..about a mile or two down the road…….happened to glance down to see a dollar bill on the ground!  I really laughed as I picked it up.  I figure God was, too.  Although, I was also aware the bills needed more than a dollar bill, too.

Time passes, bills get paid one way or another, life goes on.  Another morning the other day.  Same route.  Same dog.  Another month of bills.  Same prayers.   But then, realizing that I wouldn’t have the usual amount of time, I changed my course a bit.  Know what happened?  Sure enough, found money on the ground again.  I took it to mean that God was reminding me He was still around, still aware, still able and willing to provide.  But this time, it was a five dollar bill!!  I laughed.  God probably guffawed at me……if that isn’t too unholy of a thing to do!  Better, I think, but still, not very many bills are only five dollars, are they?  But my little brain is running the numbers…..first a nickel, then a dollar which is twenty times greater, then a five dollar bill which is five times greater……maybe a 50 next, then, who knows?

A couple of days later, still dealing with the monthly bills, still chuckling about the five and God’s little jokes.  Out with the dogs again, but this time, had finished the walk with my wife’s dog, and had my older dog on her shorter route, over by the railroad tracks.  Happen to see a cosmetic case sort of thing laying on the ground….maybe a kid had been playing.  Started to go on, and then thought, maybe I better see what that is, since it was such an odd thing to be in such an odd place.  Pick it up and open it, see a social security card, and realize it is not a makeup case, but some lady’s wallet thingy (a clutch or some such thing).  Figure she must have dropped it, or it had gotten stolen.  Kind of glanced through it a bit to see if there was a driver’s license or something with an address, cause I assume she lives close by.  Don’t find it, just the social security card, the library card, a few credit cards, so decide not to dig too much, and just ran it by the police station later.  Figure they can get the address from the library or something if it isn’t somewhere else in the wallet. 

Are you ahead of me yet?  First a nickel, then a dollar, then a five……now, CREDIT CARDS!!!!   Isn’t God good?  Except I don’t think it was His name on the cards.  And, I took them by the police before I even THOUGHT of using them…..which I wouldn’t have anyway. 

So here’s the deal.  Remember Philippians 4:19…God supplying the needs, or Ephesians 3:20….God doing beyond our imaginations?  Well, I’m kind of figuring I need to keep my eyes open on the upcoming walks.  Expecting maybe some negotiable bearer bonds or T-bills or something.  I’ll let you know.  (Although, Publisher’s Clearing House does keep telling me that I am DEFINITELY in the running…..)

TL:dr   God can teach us important lessons in funny ways as he meets our needs. 

Finding God helpful in the middle of a Divorce

Divorce is a breeze…..right???

If you have to leave your home, find another place to stay to try to start over…..and especially if you have to do so in a very short time span as I did, just that task alone can be overwhelming.  On the other hand, if you are the one who stays in the home, that can be hard, too, as you walk from room to room filled with memories that weigh on your heart, and pass by empty spaces where once your spouse’s belongings were.  Dividing things up is hard, as so many of the objects remind you of so many memories….sometimes producing tears, sometimes anger, sometimes a gnawing hurt.  Walking into your home at night is hard……in some cases children are not there who used to be, in most cases the house is empty and quiet where perhaps once was a “welcome home.”  In other cases, an individual foolishly throws him or herself into another relationship, trying to numb the pain and loss, but in fact forcing it underground where it wreaks inner havoc.

Finances are hard in lots of ways.  Sometimes because there is not enough money to pay bills with just one income.  Other times, it is hard because one spouse refuses to fulfill court ordered obligations such as child support or other expenses that should be divided.  And in all cases, it is hard to see so much money handed time and again to attorneys for every conversation and every piece of paper.  And dealing with all the details for court while trying to work out agreements with a hostile spouse is extremely hard.

Friendships are hard, because often they don’t know what to say, nor do you.  And sometimes, it is easier for you, or for them, to simply avoid contact, which is also hard as loneliness is often already a hardship for a divorcing person.  Church attendance can be hard, as the row seems much emptier without your entire family there, and the sense that somehow either you have let God down, or God has let you down.  (Whether or not that is true is irrelevant…..it is the doubt and the feelings that make it hard.)

Holidays are hard as traditions fall apart and finances limit celebrations.  Time with children is hard because there isn’t enough time, and you see them hurting and confused, while trying to be careful with what you say, sometimes hearing words from their mouths that imply things said in the other home that you know not to be true. 

Well, I think that is MORE than enough to give you a sense of what I mean (although, those of you who have experienced divorce don’t need me to tell you, anyway!).  I know that some who have not been through divorce have been coming to a greater understanding through this blog, so thought it was worth giving some description here.  Now, to the main point.

                                                                                       

I think in times like this there are two extremely helpful things.  The first is the promise of God found in Isaiah 43:2 (which I want you to look up for yourself) that in essence promises God will be with us no matter what life brings, and that God limits the damage in our lives according to His wisdom.  Those going through divorce desperately need to know that God has not abandoned them……….although, sometimes the divorcing choose to abandon God!   

The second helpful thing is to have those around who care…..friends and family who have made it plain that they haven’t given up on you, and that they will continue to care about you no matter what happens.  And that is important for anyone reading this blog to know.  Either there are divorcing people around who need to know that YOU care and haven’t written them off, OR, YOU are the divorcing person and you need to make sure you cultivate friendships and contacts with individuals who can offer the encouragement, companionship and friendship you need in these tough times.

If this blog does nothing else but keep one individual from being isolated through the agony of divorce, it will have been well worth the effort!

TL:dr  The experience of divorce is unimaginably difficult.  God and good friends are crucial to make it through.

The Eternal Olympics

The Eternal Olympics!

Have you been watching the Olympics?  I always watch bits and pieces.  You know, selected events that I enjoy.  I saw some of the opening ceremony the other night.  Frankly, I’m not a big fan of all that hoopla, turning something that is supposed to be a special event about supposedly amateur competitions between athletes, not a venue for entertainers and producers.  So for me, the highlight that night was the parade of nations, where the competing athletes proudly walk sporting their national costume and flags.  I am always especially impressed by those countries that can only send 3 or 4 to the competition…..and there were several of those this year.  Anyway, I guess other folks think all the other fanfare is important, too……just not to me. 

  So during one of the swimming events, there was a commercial (I don’t recall who, but think it was Citi) in which all these individuals are talking about all the things they DIDN’T do over the last year.  One says he missed the hit movie, another hasn’t read the latest best seller, another hadn’t ordered dessert for a year….that sort of thing.  And, of course, all of them have one thing in common:  they were working instead to get ready to be able to compete in the Olympic games.  Kind of a cool commercial, I thought. 

  But there is one Bible verse that I always think of at times like this.  It is found in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.  Paul, too, was familiar with athletic competitions……there were hippodromes and stadiums and coliseums all dedicated to athletic competitions during Paul’s day, and he uses that familiarity in this passage.  He tells us that all these athletes (like these we see today) work hard to discipline themselves and prepare themselves for the day of competition.  The same thing the commercial explains….the discipline of leaving some things aside in order to be able to focus on the goal of winning the prize…..today, a gold medal, in Paul’s day, a laurel perhaps.  In fact, Paul points out they are seeking the prize, and prepare accordingly.  But then, he goes on to point out that the prize they are seeking is perishable, but as Christians, we are pursuing an eternal prize.  He ends with the challenge to make sure we are as disciplined in our pursuit of the eternal prize as those athletes are in their preparation for their events.

  So what is YOUR answer?  Think about those athletes in the commercial, and all the things they gave up to focus on Olympic preparation.  Do you approach your Christian faith with the same dedication and effort?  I wonder about this a lot as I pass health clubs and see people working out to build their bodies, or observe them out walking and jogging for the same purpose….but don’t see them taking the same kind of disciplined care of their souls in church or scripture.  I wonder what the churches in our country would be like if those attending put in the same kind of discipline and effort into the spiritual lives and ministries as the Olympic athletes do for their big events.  Or, more to a point, how would YOUR life, or MINE, be different if either of us put forth that discipline and effort?  How about finding out?  Don’t just go for the gold….it is destined to perish…..go for that eternal crown  in glory!

TL:dr  The Olympic athletes set a great example and challenge for we Christians in our pursuit of spiritual greatness.

Water the goodness in your heart!

We are in Kansas, which is one of many states in drought conditions.  We have watered bushes, tomato plants, roses, flowers, trees…..the plant kingdom around here is simply not very happy.  You really see it with all the brown stalks in the cornfields.  Told somebody I’m just going to plant cactus next year!  Anyway, as I rode my bike up to the house the other day, it occurred to me that the weeds didn’t seem to mind the drought at all…..they are doing just fine!  Seems to me there’s a lesson in that.  When in drought times of your life…..such as a divorce…..it is critical that you carefully water and nurture the good plantings in your heart, because the weeds will grow freely if you don’t.  I pulled a bunch of weeds out of the strawberry patch yesterday…..maybe you need to pull a few out of your heart.  Seems to me somebody once gave a parable about the importance of tending the soil of your heart……..Mark 4 maybe?  Just a thought.  

Somebody wishes they had this……..

  

Well, been visiting with a few friends and acquaintances the last couple of days.  Received some comments regarding the way that the blog is being shared and as they surprised me I thought I would share them.  

I received a comment from a friend that told me of a relative who is reading my blogs and about the book and, apparently is passing the info along to friends they know who are struggling.  That relative had been divorced years ago, and had commented that he/she wished something like this had been available during his/her divorce.  Which is EXACTLY why I have been writing what I have…..especially the book.  Several divorced folks lately have indicated their agreement with me that there is such a dearth of material like this available to help Christian folks through times of divorce.  Hopefully, my musings can help fill that gap for those folks somewhat.  Believe me, when you are experiencing the tumult of divorce, you are desperately hungry for something like this to help you through it. 

Another friend who has pretty much read the whole book while dealing with his divorce made what I thought was a good observation.  He said that it wasn’t so much that I offered all the answers and solutions (I don’t), as it was that in reading the devotions in the book, he really appreciated the way it helped him realize that what felt so bizarre to him actually was something shared by others going through divorce, that it was kind of “normal,” and that made him feel less alone and a bit reassured……especially since he knows me well enough to know I have made it through.  He also says he appreciated that I shared how I wrestled with the issues…..that he may not come to the same solutions, but it helped him as he was sorting things out for himself.  Just so you know.

And then, another person told me that she had shared with her pastor one of the blog entries that related specifically to the experience of divorce.  When she did, she said he commented that the post was actually pretty helpful to him, that it really did fit well with his experiences pastoring folks who were going through divorce.  He also said it helped him have a better sense of what those folks must be going through.  Which was echoed by another friend who has also already read the book.  She told me she believes every pastor ought to read this book, because, not being divorced herself, she feels like it so helped her understand better what divorcing people are going through, and made her more sensitive to their struggles.  Actually, have heard that a couple of times.

But the truth is, it only gives a hint at the experience.  I remember at my first church, when as a young pastor I was trying to help people in the midst of divorce, how it was hard for me to understand it very well.  I did try.   But when I went through my divorce, I realized how little I truly comprehended.  It is an indescribable experience.  But it is my hope that sharing some of it as best I can, may help someone reading it to be just a little better in their encouragement and ministry to the divorced people around them.  That is why I have asked that you pass the link along to others, because somewhere down the line there is somebody who needs the encouragement and hope they can find through these little reflections.

There is one other story….but that is for another blog.  My wife says you will really get a kick out of……….maybe tomorrow……

P.S.  If you have some extra rain where you live, we’d appreciate you sending some of it our way……

TL:DR  Hard times are opportunities for bad habits to take root in our lives.  And some stories to share.

Stagnant Water is NOT God’s plan! - Even during a drought...

I heard from an individual who reads the blog that she was talking with another person who visits the blog.  That second person….call him FRED…was receiving the notices, but wasn’t sure why he was getting them……until the day God showed him why.  At this point, I didn’t receive the whole story in detail, but the nutshell is that Fred has a relative whose close friend (I think) was having a rough time with a divorce filed against them.  So Fred passed along the site to the relative, so it could be shared with the friend. 

I want to challenge you to consider that God has a purpose in you reading this blog as well.  Maybe you are not getting divorced, and maybe you don’t even know somebody who is getting divorced with whom you can share the material.  But maybe, like Fred, somebody you know is aware of somebody who is desperately need of this kind of hope.  And maybe, like Fred, you don’t even realize it.   Kind of like that whole “six degrees of separation” thing.  What can you do?

It is my hope and prayer that the materials I have put together get to the hands and hearts of those who really need it.  But I cannot do that without your help.  If you feel this site has something worth reading now and then, I want to suggest that you recommend it to several of your friends by sending them the link and telling them about it.  Those friends of yours may be the ones who know somebody who NEEDS to know about this blog and my little book.  Or maybe it will be their friends who knows that person.  But God knows even now the ones He desires to reach with His love through this ministry. 

Ah, but like my friend, you may feel like the blog is good for you, and that maybe God is trying to speak to YOU.  Well, that may well be, I would never question that.  But in my experience, God rarely touches people just for our own sake.  Instead, he gives these things to us so that we can pass them along to others in need.  So that He can use us.  Paul expresses this very notion in 2 Corinthians 1:1-5 where he indicates that the comfort God gives us, God wants to use to comfort others THROUGH us!  Somebody once said we are meant to be conduits of God’s love and grace, not cisterns.  I want to ask you directly to intentionally make yourself that conduit…..pass along the link.  Who knows what might happen. 

TL:DR  God may have placed people within your circle who either need to know about this blog site, or who know somebody else who needs to know about it.  Our job is to pass it on.

The Parable of the Pansy

      ...and the intensity of divorce

  So, in my family, I plant the flowers, my wife plants the vegetable garden.  I don’t know about you, but when I look at flowers, it seems to me that the color of a pansy is about one of the most intense of colors in the flower world.  Oh, I know, tulips and roses can be pretty intense, and cannas are right up there, too.  There are plenty, so you flower folks who really know what you are doing may easily dispute the assertion, but, as I said, I think the color of pansies is about the most intense colors we find.  The picture I posted is, of course, of pansies I saw along the side of the road at a house somewhere up in the Rockies around Aspen.  Beautiful, aren’t they? 

  We actually drove all the way out to Reno and Tahoe from here in Kansas for a  nephew’s wedding…..they had me perform the ceremony.  That was kind of cool, I thought.  And we drove back through Arches National Park and across Colorado where we got to visit with friends.  (All of which, by the way, is why I haven’t been posting so many blogs recently……just so much to do and see!!)

  Well, the intensity of the flower color, along with some other conversations and experiences got me to thinking about something I wanted to share on the blog…….especially for those of you who have never been divorced.  Over the years of pastoring, there have been many times I have been involved in offering support and encouragement to folks whose marriages were ending in divorce.  I remember well how difficult it was to find the right words for the time when words did not seem to be enough.  I remember some of those folks sitting in my office, so utterly sad, so devastated, or so angry or listless.  Sometimes they remained almost as if they just didn’t want to leave, to be alone.  I offered the best encouragement I knew how to offer, but the truth is, I really didn’t have a clue.  Not until my divorce.  And then, there were so many experiences, struggles and surprises.

  What may have surprised me the most was the intensity of the emotions.  I have not suffered the experience of having a very close loved one die, so I cannot really offer a useful comparison to that.  And I suppose the emotional responses really vary from person too person…..at least, that is what I have observed.  But I was overwhelmed by how utterly intense and consuming the various emotions were in the midst of that ugly process of divorce.  Times of utter sadness.  Other times of desperate loneliness.  An inner agony that just ached at the loss.  Anger that would be stirred at inconsiderate behaviors or frustrations with the courts.  It wasn’t so much the various emotions, but how intense they are that I could not have guessed would be the case.  I was encouraged at the time when I heard another refer to the extreme sense of loneliness…..at least I wasn’t the only one! 

  If you have not experienced divorce, and are trying to help someone who is, perhaps it might help a bit if you realize the intensity of emotional upheaval they are experiencing.  Compare a pansy to a petunia, and maybe that difference could help you understand.  Or think of the adrenaline rush of the rollercoaster or bungee jumping…..but then extend it way beyond those few seconds of the ride to the days, weeks and months involved in divorce. 

Then you have a hint of what it is like.  No wonder those folks lingered so long in the office….they were hurting even more than I knew.  How important it is in those times to know that someone cares.  Tell those YOU know of your care for their struggles.  I’ll share some other pictures later……got some really cool shots, think you will enjoy them.

TL:dr  Divorce creates extreme emotions that are not always comprehended by those around them.  And pansies are pretty!