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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Finding God helpful in the middle of a Divorce

Divorce is a breeze…..right???

If you have to leave your home, find another place to stay to try to start over…..and especially if you have to do so in a very short time span as I did, just that task alone can be overwhelming.  On the other hand, if you are the one who stays in the home, that can be hard, too, as you walk from room to room filled with memories that weigh on your heart, and pass by empty spaces where once your spouse’s belongings were.  Dividing things up is hard, as so many of the objects remind you of so many memories….sometimes producing tears, sometimes anger, sometimes a gnawing hurt.  Walking into your home at night is hard……in some cases children are not there who used to be, in most cases the house is empty and quiet where perhaps once was a “welcome home.”  In other cases, an individual foolishly throws him or herself into another relationship, trying to numb the pain and loss, but in fact forcing it underground where it wreaks inner havoc.

Finances are hard in lots of ways.  Sometimes because there is not enough money to pay bills with just one income.  Other times, it is hard because one spouse refuses to fulfill court ordered obligations such as child support or other expenses that should be divided.  And in all cases, it is hard to see so much money handed time and again to attorneys for every conversation and every piece of paper.  And dealing with all the details for court while trying to work out agreements with a hostile spouse is extremely hard.

Friendships are hard, because often they don’t know what to say, nor do you.  And sometimes, it is easier for you, or for them, to simply avoid contact, which is also hard as loneliness is often already a hardship for a divorcing person.  Church attendance can be hard, as the row seems much emptier without your entire family there, and the sense that somehow either you have let God down, or God has let you down.  (Whether or not that is true is irrelevant…..it is the doubt and the feelings that make it hard.)

Holidays are hard as traditions fall apart and finances limit celebrations.  Time with children is hard because there isn’t enough time, and you see them hurting and confused, while trying to be careful with what you say, sometimes hearing words from their mouths that imply things said in the other home that you know not to be true. 

Well, I think that is MORE than enough to give you a sense of what I mean (although, those of you who have experienced divorce don’t need me to tell you, anyway!).  I know that some who have not been through divorce have been coming to a greater understanding through this blog, so thought it was worth giving some description here.  Now, to the main point.
I think in times like this there are two extremely helpful things.  The first is the promise of God found in Isaiah 43:2 (which I want you to look up for yourself) that in essence promises God will be with us no matter what life brings, and that God limits the damage in our lives according to His wisdom.  Those going through divorce desperately need to know that God has not abandoned them……….although, sometimes the divorcing choose to abandon God!   

The second helpful thing is to have those around who care…..friends and family who have made it plain that they haven’t given up on you, and that they will continue to care about you no matter what happens.  And that is important for anyone reading this blog to know.  Either there are divorcing people around who need to know that YOU care and haven’t written them off, OR, YOU are the divorcing person and you need to make sure you cultivate friendships and contacts with individuals who can offer the encouragement, companionship and friendship you need in these tough times.
If this blog does nothing else but keep one individual from being isolated through the agony of divorce, it will have been well worth the effort!

TL:dr  The experience of divorce is unimaginably difficult.  God and good friends are crucial to make it through.

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