Divorce is a breeze…..right???
If you have to leave your home, find another place to stay
to try to start over…..and especially if you have to do so in a very short time
span as I did, just that task alone can be overwhelming. On the other hand, if you are the one who
stays in the home, that can be hard, too, as you walk from room to room filled
with memories that weigh on your heart, and pass by empty spaces where once
your spouse’s belongings were. Dividing
things up is hard, as so many of the objects remind you of so many
memories….sometimes producing tears, sometimes anger, sometimes a gnawing
hurt. Walking into your home at night is
hard……in some cases children are not there who used to be, in most cases the house
is empty and quiet where perhaps once was a “welcome home.” In other cases, an individual foolishly
throws him or herself into another relationship, trying to numb the pain and
loss, but in fact forcing it underground where it wreaks inner havoc.
Finances are hard in lots of ways. Sometimes because there is not enough money
to pay bills with just one income. Other
times, it is hard because one spouse refuses to fulfill court ordered
obligations such as child support or other expenses that should be
divided. And in all cases, it is hard to
see so much money handed time and again to attorneys for every conversation and
every piece of paper. And dealing with
all the details for court while trying to work out agreements with a hostile
spouse is extremely hard.
Friendships are hard, because often they don’t know what to
say, nor do you. And sometimes, it is
easier for you, or for them, to simply avoid contact, which is also hard as
loneliness is often already a hardship for a divorcing person. Church attendance can be hard, as the row
seems much emptier without your entire family there, and the sense that somehow
either you have let God down, or God has let you down. (Whether or not that is true is
irrelevant…..it is the doubt and the feelings that make it hard.)
Holidays are hard as traditions fall apart and finances
limit celebrations. Time with children
is hard because there isn’t enough time, and you see them hurting and confused,
while trying to be careful with what you say, sometimes hearing words from
their mouths that imply things said in the other home that you know not to be
true.
Well, I think that is MORE than enough to give you a sense
of what I mean (although, those of you who have experienced divorce don’t need
me to tell you, anyway!). I know that
some who have not been through divorce have been coming to a greater
understanding through this blog, so thought it was worth giving some
description here. Now, to the main
point.
I think in times like this there
are two extremely helpful things. The
first is the promise of God found in Isaiah 43:2 (which I want you to look up
for yourself) that in essence promises God will be with us no matter what life
brings, and that God limits the damage in our lives according to His
wisdom. Those going through divorce
desperately need to know that God has not abandoned them……….although, sometimes
the divorcing choose to abandon God!
The second helpful thing is to have those around who
care…..friends and family who have made it plain that they haven’t given up on
you, and that they will continue to care about you no matter what happens. And that is important for anyone reading this
blog to know. Either there are divorcing
people around who need to know that YOU care and haven’t written them off, OR,
YOU are the divorcing person and you need to make sure you cultivate
friendships and contacts with individuals who can offer the encouragement,
companionship and friendship you need in these tough times.
If this blog does nothing else but keep one individual from
being isolated through the agony of divorce, it will have been well worth the
effort!
TL:dr The experience
of divorce is unimaginably difficult.
God and good friends are crucial to make it through.
