Giving Thanks in All Things

Thanksgiving

   Thanks to Best Buy, to WalMart, and to Sears and to all the other wonderful stores that make sure people plan their holiday around what time they need to camp outside of their favorite stores to get special deals.  Thanks to Macy’s for a wonderful parade, (which, by the way, I almost always watch part of and was privileged to see in person one time).  Thanks to…..well, how about God? 

  I apologize……kind of…..for having not posted anything for you lately, but a while back my 90 year old mother began to decline, and she passed into Jesus’ arms last week.  The service was Saturday, so this Thanksgiving, we are celebrating Thanksgiving without the uncle who passed away in August, and my mother.  On the other hand, dad just celebrated his 93^rd birthday yesterday.  You see, there are things in life that cause us to sorrow and struggle, but there are also things to give thanks for as well.

  We watched a video during worship Sunday that reminded us al that during Thanksgiving, we need to realize how precious having a family is, and to give thanks for that rather than focus on the irritations that can arise.   ( Family Thanksgiving Song)  So if you are celebrating your Thanksgiving with family, take time to thank God for each one you see….even if it is just something you do silently in your heart. 

  There are some who are facing this Thanksgiving holiday for the first time without their spouse who divorced them, and, because of that, without their children.  It can be a lonely and sorrowful time.  If you know such a person, let them know today, or in the days ahead, that you are thinking of them.  And maybe even find a way to include them in some activity…if not a last minute Thanksgiving invite, maybe going shopping, or coming over for leftovers tomorrow night (by the way, I know I have mixed my plurals and singulars in these sentences.  I just don’t care, because he/she is just too awkward, I think).

As I give Thanks today, I wish all would remember that which we have forgotten, that there IS Someone to whom we need to give thanks.  God is real.  It is by His grace and sustaining power we live, breathe, move and “have our being.”  So if you are with family today, give thanks for that.  If your family has splintered this year, and you are experiencing that troubling shift in life, you can still find something for which to give thanks.  This is some 14 years after my divorce, and some 10 after my wife’s, and even now, there is awareness that things are different than they used to be.  But some of those differences have become very good, and very special….and that is something for which I give thanks, and something some of you may need to look forward to experiencing while you struggle today. 

A Dysfunctional Family Thanksgiving Song

  And please, don’t ever confuse WalMart, Sears, Macy’s or Best Buy (or any of their commercial compatriots) with God, even though they may act like they are the most important, they are not.  Give thanks to the only one who really deserves our greatest thanks, God himself.  Happy Thanksgiving dear readers! 

P.S.  I did an internet radio interview the other day for Indie Books, and it will air on the internet this weekend.  Mine is the third interview in the show.   If you are interested in hearing it, the access information is below:

Sunday, November 25^th, at 5:00-6:00 PM Eastern Standard Time on TogiNet Radio (www.toginet.com)
v To find the Indie Book Publishing Show Page, go to: http://toginet.com/shows/indiebookpublishing
v To listen live, click the “Live on Air” (yellow arrow) at the top, left side of the page.

To Those on the East Coast Who Survived Hurricane Sandy

A Tribute and a Prayer for Hurricane Sandy Survivors

So have been awful tied up of late, and haven’t written as much.  But wanted to add some comments to all the discussions about Hurricane Sandy.  First, I’d like to say that we should never underestimate the power of God…….the power of the hurricane was minimal in comparison…..especially the power to help those people in the midst of such devastation.  Help to give them peace in the storm, hope in the loss and courage for the future……and to use His people to be His hands and feet providing for material needs and emotional support.  I encourage each of us, as we did this morning in church, to be praying for those folks, and praying to discern what God might be asking of each of us to help.  I am thankful that the U.S. is a place where, when these kinds of things happen, our government actively seeks to help, and our people pour out their hearts and resources to make the needed difference.  Many of those people on the coast have a long and difficult road ahead of them.

I thought this morning of Matthew 7:24-27, where it talks about the difference between people who build their lives on doing God’s word and those who hear it but don’t do it.  Remember the story?  One is like a house built on a rock that withstands the storms, the other is built on sand and washes away in the flood.  We have just seen graphic images of that parable.  I was especially struck by those island homes on the beaches that were so devastated…..in one case, I heard about a beach, road and parking lot all washed away right up to somebody’s beach house! 

In times like what those folks are experiencing, one feels like they have lost so much of life, and often evaluates what really is important in life.  We hear it when people say things like, “Well, our house is gone, and our possessions are gone, but, thank God, we are all alive and well.”  (And, the same kind of evaluations take place when one goes through the devastation of divorce, too, by the way.)  In those evaluations, God often can speak in a way He cannot at other times in our lives.  Or, more accurately, we listen in a way we don’t always listen.  Anyway, having had times in my life without power and when roads were a mess due to various kinds of storms, I know the struggle they are facing is great….especially with food, water and transportation also shut down in so many ways. 

Having a number of friends on the coast from my college days, and having spent a fair amount of time in Manhattan and the Bronx, it is hard for those of us at a distance to see the kind of destruction that has come your way.  Especially after you have already gone through the disaster of 9/11/2001.  Our prayers are with you Easterners, that God’s mercy will safeguard you and yours, and help will get through soon .  And our prayers include that you will experience an incredible moment with God through these hard times.

It may not be Black Friday, but here's a gift idea!

Gift idea... Remind them you care

Didn't think about making this into a blog until after I had a couple of people mention to me their plans for copies of Finding God in the Seasons of Divorce they bought.  What they told me was that they would going to give one to a friend (or family member….depending on the person) as a Christmas present.  And my response has been that this is a tremendous idea….because the holiday season is upon us, and those special, family oriented holidays are among the hardest for folks going through a divorce.  This is especially true the first year, and if the individual has young children, any year that they don’t get to see their children very much. 

So to those of you thinking about purchasing the book for someone for Christmas, let me encourage you that you have a good idea…..it is impossible to describe how difficult the holidays can be.  And if you haven’t seen much about Finding God in the Seasons of Divorce, then you may not be aware that it contains a section of devotionals specifically written for various holidays and anniversaries. 

However, I would suggest that you give it as an EARLY Christmas present….like maybe even just before Thanksgiving, because for many folks, the family focus of Thanksgiving is especially poignant after a divorce.  And, if you are a person thinking about doing that, you should realize that the fact that you even thought of that person in this way will be a big deal.  Every card sent, every phone call received, ever invitation to dinner was, at least for me, a huge reminder that I wasn’t really alone, and that there were people who cared.  

A tragic loss in Wisconsin

Tragedy in Wisconsin

So, like me, have you been hearing the news about all the shootings around the country of late?  I heard a report that indicated the person accused of the shooting in the Milwaukee area was the estranged husband of one of the victims, and that his wife (or ex-wife) was killed in the shooting.  I have heard of this kind of thing far too many times, haven’t you?  A divorce, battles over custody, and estranged husband (usually) vents his anger and frustration with a gun or other weapon, killing his ex and sometimes the children, too, before taking his own life.  People shake their heads in disbelief, wondering how anybody could DO something like that.

Although, I suspect there are a great many of us individuals who have gone through the process of divorce, and we have an idea how it could happen.  Not that we all were tempted to do something that awful, but we certainly understand how tempers can flare and how intense and confused the emotions can get during a divorce.  The hurt, rejection, frustration with and ex or with the court…...it can simply become overwhelming.

So we need to pray for the families of the victims in these shootings.  But we need to do more than that.  We need to be sensitive to individuals experiencing divorce, and try to help encourage them through their emotional upheaval in healthy ways (which, by the way, is central to the purpose of my book).  All too often, people are left to sort out their struggle by themselves, without the listening ear of friends or the guidance of wise counsel.  And the intensity of the hurt, isolation and betrayal simply overwhelms them until they can’t handle it any more.  Oh, it doesn't always play out in destructive behaviors with guns.  Sometimes it manifests itself in drunkenness, or through illicit relationships, or other apparently “crazy” behavior.  I believe it is important for people like you and I, people who have some idea of how difficult it can be, to be the kind of people that folks struggling with divorce can turn to in their times of hurt and loneliness.  I hope that my little book helps prevent tragedies like those we hear about in the news.  And maybe your involvement may do the same with somebody you know and care about.  

Concerned and caring

The response is heartwarming

So……just returned from a fun weekend.  Every year, the churches of my denomination get together for a special time of fellowship, teaching and the various business concerns tied in with keeping the various joint ministries and missions going.  And that was where my wife and I were.

I had gotten in a special order of some books to be available at the event, and a good friend was selling them out of his mission shop (we will have it linked for you…really cool things, and the money goes directly to help local crafters in various countries be able to make a few dollars).  Anyway, was sharing about the book with some old friends and some new ones, and I was pretty excited about the response. 

One of the best comments I got was from a pastor friend who, after hearing about the purpose of the book, responded, “I have three people right now who need that.”  Others had family members or friends with whom they were going to share information…..in at least one case, to at least direct them to this blog and my email as a source of support.  Some are downloading the ebook, others preferred signed copies.  One is even going to use it as a discussion guide for his local ministers’ group, simply to help them understand better what parishioners getting divorced are experiencing, and how to better minister to their needs.  Another pastor asked if I was going to be available to speak at churches about the need and what I have put together.  Of course, I made my contact information available for that very purpose.

If you are divorced and reading this, I want you to recognize something significant in the response I saw:  there are people who care about you, and who want to help you.  In the book, they found a possible tool for that very purpose.  Realize also, that many of those same people are thinking about you and praying for you daily.  You are not alone in your journey!

Words hurt?...

Sticks and Stones

When I was a kid, they used to chant that old saw, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”  Seems like I recall a Peanuts cartoon once in which somebody chanted that, and the next frame had a bunch of sticks and stones falling toward the hapless child.   Now, they are trying to create a more gentle society, with laws against “hate speech,” (at least hate speech that isn’t PC), and school assemblies against bullying.  So, do words really matter?

Somehow, they really do.  You have seen it, I know.  A person says something unkind, the person spoken to wells up with tearful eyes, and the names hurt more than the saying admits.  Ephesians 4:29 (you can look it up) warns us that the only words that come out of our mouths are supposed to be words that edify.  There was a time in my life when a common phrase on a certain friend’s lips was, “Ephesians 4:29, Rich.”  So much so that I can’t look at that verse without remembering to add my name.  Not that my language is bad, mind you, but because my ornery side teases and puns its way into people’s hearts and minds…..until sometimes it grates on them.  Don’t mean it to, it just happens. 

Yes, words probably do matter more than we want to admit.  In part because Jesus says we are going to have to explain every careless word we have ever used.  And, so much so that the scripture says that it was words God used to create things in the first place.  In fact, John even uses “Word” to refer to Jesus, the creative and redemptive agent of God.  Yup, words matter.  And I can tell you, sometimes words are said without even thinking that can be very hurtful to people divorcing.  Simple phrases like, “bring your spouse,” or “I would NEVER think of marrying a divorced person,” often said without realizing who is in the room and the impact the words are having.

Somehow, in life, I often end up relating to the Psalmist who asks God to set a guard upon his lips to make sure his speech is pleasing to God.  How about you?  What kind of “lip service” will you be producing today?

TL:dr  God expects our words to reflect His Word.