Where was God in Connecticut?

Christmas Tragedy in Connecticut/Oregon

So did you hear about the divorce on Sesame Street?  There was a segment on the Today’s Show about it, and info on the net, and I wanted to add my two cents to the topic.  Then I heard about the tragedy at the elementary school up in Connecticut…..so Sesame Street will have to wait a day or two….but check back…..because this other event demands our attention first. 

Twice in such a short time, young men take up arms and open fire on unsuspecting people…..today, sadly, including a large number of very young children.  I would like to contribute some comments into the discussion, but if you are reading this and haven’t done so yet, please stop reading long enough to offer a prayer for those poor families caught in the crossfire of this tragedy.  Just as that first Christmas was tainted with the blood of children, the lifeblood of those 20 children has marred the Christmas season for our nation, and especially for those mourning families.  Remember the passage Matthew quotes from Jeremiah (in ESV): 

“A voice was heard in Ramah,
weeping and loud lamentation,
Rachel weeping for her children;
she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.”  --Matt 2:14 

I want to focus first and primarily on the event in Connecticut, understanding that much of the information applies to Oregon’s shooting as well (as well as Columbine, the Colorado theater, Virginia Tech….all those senseless murders).  Before I get too deep into it, I have heard a number of times in these things the statement that these shooters long for fame and their place in history.  I sometimes wonder if the attitudes would change if the names of these heartless killers were never made public…if they were always only known as “John Doe,” and the fame to go to the victims, or the heroes like Allen Fonseca, that young man in Portland Macy’s who rescued so many.  I heard some mourn the loss of young life, those children who were robbed of lives of careers, marriages and so on.  And it is true.  But may I suggest that you and I also let that fact remind us each that none of us knows the number of our days…at any moment any one of us could be called before our Maker to give account of our lives there in eternity.  Let us live in such a way that we will be ready for God, no matter when our time comes.

Well, as people have tried to make sense of all of this, we continue to hear the same rationale suggested over and again:  the easy access to deadly weapons, violence in the movies or on video games, mental illness…..there are others that will be rolled out once again over the coming days.  And, of course, often one hears about troubled or broken homes.  I especially heard a number comments about mental illness.  But I don’t hear what I believe is core to the issue, because that answer isn’t politically correct these days, and nobody wants to hear it.  But you will hear it here. 

Some years ago, famed psychiatrist Karl Menninger, founder of the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas, published a little book titled, Whatever Became of Sin?  That book has become a classic that to this day raises the issue of how we classify the deeds of people in our world.  You see, without diminishing the realities of the mental illnesses so many suffer with daily, there is a truth deeper than mere mental illness.  This world is scarred by the bigger reality known as sin.  Every philosophy class I ever taught at the college level always included a section from the book dealing with the question of evil in the world.  Why?  Because no matter what you believe about God and humanity, you are forced to deal with the existence of evil.  Those who believe that people are basically good are hard pressed to explain, then, how events such as these recent shootings can occur.  While desiring to blame it on something wrong with the individual who perpetrates the deed, yet ignore the fact that they themselves also partake of a nature that expresses itself in evil ways at times.  Sometimes it is manifested in deeds such as we have just seen, but other times it appears in the form of selfishness, or pride, or indifference to the suffering of others.  In fact, I would argue that the very thing that brought about this whole blog, divorce, is also a symptom of the imperfect, broken and sinfulness of our world.  Some of us like to point to people who do things we consider worse than our own deeds to build our own egos, but we neglect to compare ourselves to the perfection of God, and thus ignore the reality that even the best of us are caught in the taint of sin.  Original sin is what many call it. 

What became of sin?  We have tried to eradicate it in our culture by renaming it.  We claim the sinful things people do are actually the result of not sinfulness, but ignorance…thus education is the solution.  And yet we ignore the fact that there are very many highly educated people whose lives are filled with the most awful of sins.  We claim it is due to disease, and try to solve the problem with medications, only to find the medications get abused and the “diseases” are used as excuses to justify ongoing bad behavior…..sin.  They announce the problem is poverty, so we begin programs to lift people out of poverty….ignoring the wealthy whose lives are as filled with aberrant behavior as any poor people anywhere.  Others would say it is because of our lack of effective laws, and try to legislate their way out of these situations….but murder has been against the law since the dawn of history, and we are no nearer its eradication than were the Roman rulers or our Founding Fathers.  Or the cause is mental illness, and so people combine their medicines with lots of talking to counselors whose discussions can bring understanding and maybe help change some habits, but has no power to cleanse the soul, forgive the wrongdoing, or change the heart out of its sinful condition.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Every one of these areas we raise are important areas and it is valid to address them.  But to think that by so doing we will change the nature of humanity is simply believing a falsehood.  We will never educate, medicate, counsel  or finance our way out of the condition of our hearts caught in the taint of sin.  Because those are not the cure, only redemption can transform a human heart, and only Christ has the power and authority to bring that redemption. 

Oh, there are those who say that there cannot be a God, because if there were, He would never allow these kind of things to happen.  But the scriptures teach that we would see this kind of things and worse more frequently, if it were not for the fact that God’s Spirit restrains the free reign of evil and Satan’s influence.  No, it is only the grace of God that keeps these events limited in number, and it is only the grace of God that has the power through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, to bring the cure that is needed to change our hearts.

It is a sad thing we experience here on earth, to see how the twisted nature of sin wreaks such havoc and evil in our lives.  But until we recognize it for what it is, and seek the power of God to change us, that evil will grow in one fashion or another.  And as we see fewer families raising their children with the moral guidance of church and scripture, and so many in our nation continue to scoff at the coming judgment of God upon our lives and deeds, we will see more and more of the awful deeds such as we saw today.

So it is with deep sadness in my heart for those suffering folks on our coasts in this time that I offer my prayers and a call to invite them to find strength and hope in God.  No matter what conclusions the psychologists and social workers and politicians and police investigators present as the cause, until all creation finally bows every knee before Jesus in heaven, there will be tears to wipe away and injustices to grieve.  In the meantime, may God’s peace and comfort be to those whose hearts are breaking from cruel bullets in our malls, theaters and schools, as well as those who have lost loved ones in embassies and on battlefields around the world this year.  You all have my deepest sympathy.

WAAYYY TOOOO LONG, so dr:  The murderous deeds this week are evidence of the evil infecting our world called sin, crying out for the healing that comes only from Christ.

Does Beyonce get paid what she is worth?

Beyonce Makes HOW MUCH???

Have you heard on the news that the singer Beyonce just signed a big dollar contract with a soft drink company for advertising?  They were really going on about how much money she was being paid, and then it spun off into other celebrities and their salaries.  Which kind of left me thinking, and thinking a bit with my cynical side, if you will.  It strikes me as terribly sad that some of the highest paid people in our country are people who sing songs, play games, or pretend to be something they are not.  Now, for those who would point out all the people in those fields who are NOT making big dollars, I know that is true.  But that doesn’t change the fact that Beyonce is going to be making those big bucks, or the big name movies stars make obscene dollars for what they do.  Not because I think they don’t do a good job.  Or that I don’t enjoy their music, the movies/plays, or watching a good sports event here and there (even had some season tickets to some of those things in the past).  Nor do I say that the contributions to our society aren’t good in some ways.  But I want to raise some thoughts in this area.

Let me center on the movie business.  I was watching a movie the other day, and was struck at how often we see movie stars portraying a variety of roles of people doing really important things.  Like portraying soldiers who defend a nation….like the show about Leonidas and Xerxes, doctors who save lives under duress, rescue workers who risk their lives to save people in distress like the Costner movie about the Sea Rescue Divers, firefighters battling raging flames, politicians who stand for the cause, attorneys who take on the big, evil companies, even teachers who turn around the lives of struggling schools and kids.  You know movies and shows like these things.  But here is my point:  isn't it kind of out of whack that somebody PRETENDING to do these important things get paid VASTLY more money than the people who are ACTUALLY doing those things.  I think of the financial concerns some of the families of soldier victims down at Ft. Hood have after the shooting…no big huge salary came to those soldiers for giving their lives in the service of their nation. 

What if people really were paid according to the importance of the work they do for society.  What would teachers be paid?  Or, how about the bus drivers who deal with lots of issues as they transport those children to be taught?  What would the nurses and aides be paid who shower elderly in nursing homes or change bedpans in hospitals?  Or how about those folks who come by the house week after week to pick up and haul off the trash we place by the curb.  Or the individuals who go out in the icy weather to repair power lines for people whose electricity has been knocked out by winter storms.  Imagine the salary that would have to be paid to those police officers who rushed to the tragedy up in Portland, Oregon or similar events.  Even that individual who works faithfully in the church nursery week after week, so that the parents can participate in Bible study classes or times of worship…the examples are endless.  Frankly, I’d much rather have to do without films where people pretend to be good police officers than to live in a society without the reality of good police officers, wouldn't you?

What does this have to do with divorce?  Well, nothing, kind of, and everything.  And that is this:  if you are person, who through the tragedy of divorce, have done your best to be consistent with the higher values of your life, and have sought to make every effort to responsibly guide your children through the treacherous waters of growing up with parents who split up, then you should know, there isn't enough money on earth to pay for what you do.  However, that is okay, because Jesus made pretty plain that the best rewards aren't here on earth anyway…..they are in heaven where we are to be storing our true treasures.  Society may not recognize the value of what many people do.  But God recognizes it, and will make appropriate rewards at the appropriate time.  Just remember, your salary is not necessarily indicative of the importance of what you do.  Enough said, the rant is over. 

B

TL:dr  Financial rewards aren't always very good indicators of the importance of what people do in our society.

Christmas for the newly divorced

Tips for Christmas on your own

So Christmas is coming.  How about a list for those of you who are facing the holiday after a divorce……some tips to maybe make it a bit better….especially if it is your first Christmas as a divorced person.

1)    Select some traditions out of your past Christmas celebrations that you are going to make a point to retain this year.

2)   Find a way to create at least one or two NEW Christian traditions that carry your own personal mark on them.

3)   Of course, if you have children---young or grown----things always depend on the goodwill of your ex….if you have one who plays games or ignores court orders, planning Christmas can be really tough.  The first tip is that YOU choose to be a person of goodwill….you abide by the court schedule, do what you can to make it an easier experience for the kids.

4)   Don’t forget YOU are important, too.  Don’t just cave on everything by accommodating the whims of your ex……it easily becomes “given an inch they take a mile” sort of thing.

5)   You aren’t Santa Claus, real life is you may not be able to fulfill every Christmas wish, nor should you feel obligated to do so.  The goal is to have a good Christmas, but a realistic Christmas, and one that maintains as best a normality as possible for the sake of your kids.  Remember, they are probably grieving the loss and change as well… even if they are adults.

6)   In divorce, money can get very tight with lawyer bills and new housing and making ends meet.  Don’t let your emotions and guilt run your wallet….make a budget and stick to it.  It won’t help to create post-Christmas regret with your credit cards. 

7)   If this is your first Christmas apart, do your best not to aggravate your sense of loss or loneliness.  Don’t isolate yourself from friends and family, avoid places or experiences that do nothing but remind you of what you have lost.  Instead, choose to get involved in some fresh, meaningful celebrations.

8)   Remember I said in #4 above that YOU are important, too?  Well, you are still important here at #8.  Do something in your Christmas that is a gift for yourself.  It can be a night away, or a purchase of something you wouldn’t normally buy yourself, or an experience you always wanted to have.  But do something that is for YOU, that will bring a bit of joy to your holiday.

9)   Remember, though, it isn’t ALL about you.  Find a way to do something to make Christmas a bit more special for somebody outside your normal sphere of influence.

10)  And, most of all, remember, it isn’t all about you, nor all about them.  It’s all about Jesus!  Make a point to make this one of your most worshipful Christmases ever by how you celebrate it with the Lord.

On the Radio

On the Radio...I keep hearing Donna Summer as I type that!!   

Richard will be on the radio!!  We are really excited for a new interview that will be broadcast tomorrow (Sunday 12/9)!!   If you are in the Kansas City Area you can hear it on Q104FM and  Alice102FM.  


Anybody in the Kansas City area that wants to hear the interview can listen tomorrow morning...

If you're not an early bird (like me) - you can listen to it through the link listed below.  It is posted on  www.fox4kc.com/kcforum.

The direct link for the interview is: 


http://fox4kc.com/2012/12/07/kc-forum-sack-it-for-santa-divorce-and-the-holidays-sit-means-sit/

We also learned that there was an article in the Paramus, New Jersey paper.  If you want to see it, here is the link.

http://www.paramuspost.com/article.php/20121205112443742

Thanks for supporting and reading, we appreciate every one of you!

The Precious Present

THE VITAL URGENCY OF NOW!

Some people (translate as: “my wife”) thought my last blog was fairly weird.  I considered debating the point with her, but I had read it, too, so really? Defend it as NOT weird?  Really?  It’s okay, it was just kind of a fun one for me.  HOWEVER, I thought I might need to redeem myself quickly, and actually ran across something I thought was pretty good, so here is a blog worth reading (at least in MY opinion…..we’ll see how the critics respond).

One of my habits is to read some old Guidepost books.  I never get the new ones, just last year’s, or 15 years ago, because they are cheap and you can find them at thrift stores!  One I read this morning I thought contained some really good thoughts for people tied into the world of divorce, but also applicable to the rest of us.

The writer, Gina Bridgeman, recounted a story from the book The Precious Present by Spencer Johnson, telling of a man who was given advice by a wise man about the wonder of finding in life the “Precious Present” that would always yield happiness.  The man, upon hearing that, began his search to find that present.  It was only after much searching that he learned that the s “Precious Present” is THE PRESENT, as opposed to the past and the future.  In other words, true happiness is found by living your life in the present, not in the past or future.

That’s a pretty good truth, wouldn’t you say.  Now, of course we need to be careful to distinguish between “living in the present,” and living for today.  God warns against only living for today.  And, in fact, we are urged to live with an eye on the eternal realities of the world to come, not merely this earthly existence.  But, apart from that, there is a great deal of truth in what is taught by that lesson.

All of us know too many people who live only in the past….and it can be very difficult for a person who has been divorced to let go of both the fond memories as well as the devastating hurts of the past….especially if they were abandoned by a person they still loved.  Other people live way too much in the future……and especially those in the midst of divorce, as those people are waiting for that someday when everything will be better, when life finally begins!  Children long to be able to drive, teens to be out on their own, singles for the day they find the perfect person, the young couple longing for their first child, the parent of teens longing for empty nest, the parents of adults waiting for the first grandchild….it just never ends. 

How is it that the Professor described it to Marian in “The Music Man” when he was talking about this issue?  He said something like, “if you are always living for tomorrows, then all you end up with is a handful of empty yesterdays.”  Something like that.

That awful time in the process of divorce is very much that way….because you are so unable to plan until the court finally makes decisions.  And you are often grieving so much of the past, that it weighs on your heart each day.  But even during the limbo of waiting for the divorce process to end, one does best to realize that we are only given one day at a time, and in fact, only one moment at a time.  And each moment is truly a gift from God.  There is never a better time to turn over that new leaf, start that new good habit, express appreciation and love…..the Bible addresses this several times.  Phrases like, “Today is the day of salvation” or “Don’t boast about tomorrow” or when we make plans, be sure to include God:  “If God wills we will do this or that.” 

Don’t miss the important opportunities you have TODAY, no matter what your situation is, because you are obsessed with the past or the future.  Today’s beautiful sunset will only occur today.  Your child will never be exactly this age ever again.  The list is endless.  But know, God can work in your life, but He can only do it NOW, because NOW is all you have.  Yes, He may have worked in your past, but that is part of why you are who you are NOW.  And yes, He has plans for your future, but when they arrive, they will only arrive NOW.  Don’t miss the NOW God has for YOU!!!

TL:dr  Each moment is a gift from God.  We need to treat them that way.

Worthwhile Information

Pennies from Heaven Revisited!

So, haven’t said anything for a while about my little finds while out walking, so figure I ought to update you…..some interesting things.  However, first let me make sure you know, the internet radio interview did air on Sunday, and now can be replayed simply by going to their website, and going to the show section by date.  Mine will be found under Sunday, December 2^nd  on the following link: http://toginet.com/shows/indiebookpublishing   Later it will be on my website once construction is completed….I’ll let you know when that happens, should be soon.

Okay, back to walking.  If you don’t know the story, you can go back to the August 3^rd blog and read about my monetary and walking adventures, that describes times I found money while walking that God seemed to use to speak to me.   (You really should read it first if you haven’t.)  The walking, of course, relates not only to my own exercise, but exercise the dogs I take with me. 

So, I have been finding some interesting things of late.  First, you know all those animals that hibernate in the winter, and then come back out in the spring?  I think the opposite must happen with hardware fasteners.  That is, as I have walked recently, there has seemed to be an inordinate number of screws and nails lying along the path….mainly on the roads I cross or walk on.  And I don’t have any idea where they come from……because there aren't construction projects nearby.  Having had flat tires due to nails myself, I try to go ahead and pick up the ones I see, so that I can throw them away rather than have somebody get a flat or a hurt foot.  Maybe this appearance has to do with the recession.  Maybe the tire repair people have been driving around dropping nails and screws to up their business.  One never knows, I suppose.  So there isn't any great lesson in this, but I have sure gone downhill from what I was finding last summer.  But it gets worse!

The other day, when walking along, ran across a pooper scooper shovel thing.  Like the screws, the location of the scooper made absolutely no sense.  Unless maybe somebody went out trying to pick up deer droppings and got scared away.  But even then…..    Well, there are a couple of cats in our house, and a couple of litter boxes, and the scooper was actually pretty new looking and very clean……so we now have another litter shovel!  But I can’t help wondering if I have experienced a demotion of some sort, or if I am supposed to be learning humility and servant heartedness.  Naw….  I think I just need to start walking with my eyes closed!  I’ll let you know later how THAT works out!!

A Merry Divorced Christmas!

“And a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed…….” 

Do you know those words?  They are, of course, from Luke’s record of the birth of Christ.  Are you in the Christmas spirit yet?  I’m not.  Too early.  But there may be some of you who are especially not in the Christmas spirit, because this Christmas you will have to celebrate without your spouse….it is the first one after your divorce.  And you face the season with dread, anxiety, uncertainty….maybe even poverty.  What do you do?  (Some of you may not be in this situation, but may know somebody who is…..read on, you may be able to help somebody through a tough time.)

One of the best things you can do….in my opinion….is to see this season as an opportunity for a fresh start.  You may feel very keenly the sense of loss…. and be oblivious to the fact that it is also an opportunity for something special.  I would suggest you consider it an opportunity for a different kind of Christmas….one that can bring new meaning for many years to come.  I believe you can accomplish this two or three ways….or maybe both ways works for you.  I know both had meaning for me when I was in your shoes.

The first method is to incorporate something new into your Christmas… something that will become uniquely yours.  It can be something simple like a new Christmas decoration.  Or maybe attending a Midnight Christmas Mass at a nearby Catholic Church.  I did some of these kind of things.  A friend told me about an excellent stage production of Dickens's Christmas Carol in a nearby city.  Since money was tight, I learned that if you went to the right matinees, it was affordable for me.  I went with my kids or friends or, later, my fiancé for a number of years….until I moved away from the area.  Another difference was I decided to skip the artificial tree and go out to tree farms where the kids and I could wander and search for the perfect tree that we could cut ourselves…..even if there WAS six inches of snow on the ground.  I remember one particularly bitter cold outing after an ice storm with electric poles on the ground and slippery roads to negotiate.  That year, the wind convinced us that the best tree just happened to be right beside road we drove in! 

The second method might be to think back into your “ancient” past to discover and reclaim something special from days gone by….before you were married.  For me, that could be things like driving around to view Christmas lights in nearby neighborhoods, or allowing the kids to open just one present on Christmas Eve, or reading Luke’s Christmas story at home BEFORE the presents are opened. 

A third method is to consider the various Christmas traditions you have developed, and select which ones have special meaning for you.  When you find these, you then find ways to make them even more special.  This is especially important if you have children at home….in all the upheaval and change, they need to know that there are things they can count on as lasting.  For me, these things included honoring the tradition of attending Christmas Eve Candlelight and Communion services.  It meant having the children get out the old favorite nativity sets, and asking them to arrange them on the piano or counter.  It meant including certain favorite tree decorations (even if the memories brought tears), and putting them on the tree once again.

Don’t let the loss you are feeling this Christmas discourage you….although I know it is hard not to feel that.  But as a counterbalance, find ways to reclaim Christmas celebration in YOUR own manner, with YOUR own meaning, free to pick, choose, change and create something special. You’ll be glad you did.  Just don’t wait until Christmas Eve is upon you before you make some choices and plans.  Begin now to consider and to develop some options.

TL:dr  Christmas, though hard, can be special if you start making some choices now.