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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Valentine's Day and Divorce...on the road to healing

Top Ten Valentine’s Day tips for the Newly Divorced

1)    Be Wise---Don’t go where you will stir up painful memories or set yourself up as an awkward fifth wheel.
2)   Be Healed---Allow yourself time to heal from the loss and grief of your divorce instead of caving to pressure and start to rebound date out of neediness and loneliness.  (Just because friends say, ”It’s time to get out there, to get over it” doesn’t mean they are right.)
3)   Be Joyful.  Don’t let your own loss overwhelm the day, find a way to do something to bring a smile to your face for Valentine’s Day.
4)   Remember, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love…..so celebrate love…..with friends and family you love, or by showing love to someone in a nursing home or homeless shelter.
5)  Adjust..... If you have young children, don’t get wrapped up in yourself and forget them.  They, too, are experiencing a different kind of Valentine’s Day, and may need YOUR love and help to adjust.
6)   Celebrate love by spending some time with the good memories of your marriage…thanking God for the good times you had, remembering that it wasn’t all bad. 
7)   Do something special for yourself for Valentine’s Day…..buy a box of your favorite chocolates, nice dinner with a friend, or go to a movie.
8)   Get outside of yourself a bit.  Find somebody you can make the day special for….send flowers to that newly widowed friend, candy for a neighbor’s kid, maybe invite a lonely friend out to a play or ball game.
9)   Cry.  That’s right, weep a bit this Valentine’s Day, somewhere privately or with a special friend if you prefer.  You have lost something precious, and if you really ever loved your spouse, that loss hurts.  Part of valuing love is being able to grieve love lost.
10)  Read 1 Corinthians 13, to remind yourself of what love truly is like.  It may help you understand how far your marriage had drifted from God’s design for loving relationships.  And let it remind you how much God loves you, even if your ex doesn’t!

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