Harry
And Sally and Holiday Friendship
The holidays
are just around the corner, with music, garland, candles and party horns. For the recently divorced, they are also
filled with lonely days, broken dreams, painful reminders of love lost and
scheduling nightmares. For those whose
lives have moved on after divorce, new memories and traditions have often
replaced the old, creating a new overlay of feelings of hope and new life. But even after children have grown and moved
away, schedules and relationships can still be hampered by time demands and
expectations by one’s ex. This time of
year, filled with joy in so many homes, can be a season of heartache and
loneliness for many, not only the divorced, but those now alone through
widowhood as well. I’d like to pass
along a couple of suggestions for the upcoming season, whether you are the one
divorced, or if you have a friend who has experienced it. I have been reminded especially of this as I
learn of several in my social circle who are experiencing divorce in this
time.
My first
suggestion addresses the area of loneliness.
Just because you are now “alone” and your spouse has gone his or her own
way, does not mean you need to be lonely.
If you ever saw the movie, “When Harry Met Sally,” then you may recall
the arrangement the two leading characters had with one another, that if they
ever had a holiday…notably New Year’s Eve, in which they were going to be
alone, instead they would find a way to be with one another as friends. Thinking ahead about those times when you may
be alone, and especially feeling the loneliness that could come with it, can
help you prepare alternatives to going through uncomfortable times of
loneliness. Probably a clear example
could be that if you have younger children, it would be wise now to start
considering plans for the time they will be away from your house to visit the
other parent. And, if you would learn
their lesson, one of the best ways to plan is to arrange to be with someone
else who will be facing potential loneliness.
Let me add,
as an aside, that some would warn that you make those plans with someone of the
same gender, lest you end up creating confusion or giving false impressions
with your friend. Personally, sometimes
I found that to be true, but there were other relationships in which a member
of the opposite sex and I had clear discussions about our friendship and
expectations, and so understood we were not interested in dating. In any case, however you choose to handle it,
I encourage you now to identify some of those times that might feel
particularly lonely or painful, such as sitting alone at a Christmas Eve
candlelight service, and begin making arrangements to avoid unnecessary
hardship.
The other suggestion I would like to offer is
along the same lines, but with a different twist. If you choose to not put yourself in
loneliness producing situations unnecessarily, then consider going one step
further.
Instead of focusing solely upon
how YOU will feel in that time, is it possible you could find another person or
persons who have needs that you could meet by using that time to minister or
care for THEM?
In other words, look out
for somebody ELSE’S best interest, needs, or feelings. Be the one who helps somebody else conquer
their loneliness by offering your friendship.
I can guarantee you our world is full of people who long to know that
somebody cares. Some of them live in
nursing homes. Others work in sheltered
workshops. Still others are just walking
out of the divorce court themselves. And
others have just left a loved one in a cemetery. YOU could be the key that could make all the
difference in another person. If you
begin to look for people who need a friend, and for ways to make that
difference. You may find your holidays
transformed into something more special than you imagine.
Oh, and by
the way, a wise friend reminded me during my lonely days that though I might
feel lonely, I was never truly alone.
Because we have a God who promises to never forsake us. Don’t forget to include Him in your holiday
plans, too!
TL:dr Holidays can be lonely, but less so if you
plan ahead and involve yourself with others
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