Why do the Wicked Prosper?

HAS SOMEONE ACTED “WICKEDLY” TOWARDS YOU?

Do you happen to remember the question, “Why do the wicked proser?”  It originates with the prophet Jeremiah, in chapter 12 of his book.  The passage actually reads:  

Righteous are you, O Lord,

    when I complain to you;

    yet I would plead my case before you.

Why does the way of the wicked prosper?

    Why do all who are treacherous thrive?  (ESV)

It seems to me that, very often, this is the kind of question one asks during the process and aftermath of divorce, and holidays such as Christmas or Thanksgiving can often bring to the forefront this very issue.  One party may find themselves extremely financially strapped and really feel it during the holiday season, while the other party seems to go merrily on their way, even though their behaviors have been sinful or vicious.  One party may struggle with children who seem clueless about how abusive the ex had been, and find that the children continue to favor a parent who has been “wicked,” if you will.  One party may be frustrated as the judge rules time and again against him or her, when they know the requests are more than fair and that the other party is not being honest with the judge.  One party may find that honesty turned out to not be the best policy, and judge, friends, children, or even other family members have been taken in my the various misrepresentations promulgated by the ex.  

During the holidays, when family celebrations are the norm and memories of better days swirl around those family times, one can struggle with the justice of God when facing the holidays with a family splintered, divided and wrestling with a court mandated schedule.   These are just a few examples…many of my readers could add many other scenarios based upon their own life situation.  It can be very hard.  And it certainly can lead one to wonder with Jeremiah, “Why does the way of the wicked perish?”

The answer to the question is given multiple times in scripture:  you aren’t seeing the whole story.  We often take a short view of things, but when you take a longer view, then you will realize that God is ultimately working perfect justice, some of which you may not be able to see this side of heaven.  In addition, we must always remember that we are only seeing things from the external perspective.  From that perspective, it may appear everything is wonderful for that individual you think is prospering, but you cannot see the hidden hurts of their lives, or the struggles that may be there of which you are not aware.  In some cases, their hearts may be weighed down with a load of guilt and shame that is not obvious from the outside, a load that anything but fun to carry.  

Probably the best answer of all came from the lips of Jesus, when Peter was informed of how his life would end, and in response he asked Jesus, “What about John?”  Jesus response was, in effect, “What happens with John is between me and John….your job, Peter, is to follow me.”  You can read it yourself in John 21:18-23.  The point is, to effectively deal with the hurts and move on in our lives, we need to not worry about what is and isn’t happening with someone else, nor spend our time comparing with others, but simply follow Jesus the best way we know how, in the paths he leads us.  Then, we trust that he will do what is right and just, and that is enough.

Nothing is Hopeless with God

CAN I SHARE WITH YOU?

Christo de la Concordia, Cochabamba, Bolivia

As we continue through the Christmas season, I am always mindful for those who will find it a very difficult time as they deal with loss, sorrow, fragment relationships or the aftermath of divorce that sometimes can linger for years.  I am aware of several this year who are finding this to be a difficult holiday.  

However, if you don’t mind, I thought I’d share some thoughts from this morning at church, more about Christmas than divorce per se, but with some thoughts that might bring some encouragement or meaning for any of my readers.

The focus for today’s message was on Zechariah and Elizabeth, when they were given the announcement that they would have a child, John the Baptist, who would be the forerunner of Messiah, even though they had already grown old and Elizabeth was well beyond the child-bearing years.  We examined their situation from a variety of angles, but there were a few points about their example that I think can speak to many of us, no matter what our situation in life.  Those are what I want to share tonight.

If you don’t recall the story, you might want to refresh your memory by reading over Luke 1, where the entire story is recorded.  One thing we observed is that in the birth narratives of Jesus and John, Elizabeth was that, of the four adults (Joseph, Mary, Zechariah and Elizabeth), Elizabeth was the only one who did not receive God’s message through the voice of an angel.  She, apparently, got her information only from her husband, Zechariah.  In addition, she and Zechariah were promised, not the Messiah as a son, but kind of “second best,” the forerunner for Messiah.  In spite of these things, Elizabeth had no complaints, but humbly and gratefully received the gift God has chosen to give, in the manner God chose to give it.  Elizabeth was a person who was simply thrilled to be any part of what God was doing.  And, in spite of the risk of childbirth at an advanced age, she never made excuses, simply trusting that what God has called her to do, he would also give the strength for her to do, that God never asks more of us than he will enable us to face with his help.  Some of you may be facing some pretty hard things right now in your lives…Elizabeth set us a pretty good example, wouldn’t you say?

When the message from God came, Zechariah and Elizabeth were very old, and would have long since given up on the dream of having a baby of their own.  In a culture where passing on the family name and inheritance is a very important thing, it would have been tough to have had to let go of that dream.  But God had other plans for them.  Even though they thought it was all over, that their chance had long since passed, God did not think so.  Instead, God thought it was the perfect time in their lives for him to bring them a child.  And when he did, Zechariah and Elizabeth were able to embrace the work that God was doing on their behalf and through their obedience.

Are there areas in your life where you feel like it is too late, that your prayers have gone unanswered, causing you to give up hope?  The experience of Elizabeth and Zechariah remind us that God’s timing is never too late, and nothing is hopeless with God.  God is not bound by our perspectives of the limitations in our lives.  He can do things that seem impossible, he answers prayers in his own time, and his work is always perfect.  Elizabeth and Zechariah probably felt like they were nearing the end of their lives, the end of their usefulness.  They learned that they were just on the verge of the greatest work of God they had ever experienced.  

If you are a person who has areas of struggle and hopelessness, let the story of this godly couple rekindle in you the hope that God does know what he is doing, and that you are never beyond the hope and possibilities of God.  As they experienced, perhaps you, too, are on the verge of something you can’t imagine at this time, and the best days of your life are yet to come.  Don’t give up until God says it is over and you are through.  God’s plans transcend our limited understanding, and it is always a mistake to try to place our limits on his possibilities for our lives.  

As you move toward your celebration of Christmas, I encourage you to open yourself up to the voice of God, to hear from him as they did, the possibilities that God has in store for your life.  

Listen for his voice.  

God is always doing incredible things around us if we can but just recognize his hand at work, and then, best of all, let yourself be part of that great work.  Then you, too, will have an incredible story to share.  

Merry Christmas!

Surviving the Post Divorce Single Parent Holiday

IT’S COMPLICATED!

Holiday season is here again.  Funny how so many cluster around the same time of year...Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa….am I missing anything?    I have missed getting a few blogs up, for lots of reasons, but one of the main ones has been all the comings and goings related to the holidays.  Of all the times of year, I think this holiday season is the time when the impact of divorce is most keenly felt.

It is rather ironic that individuals in troubled marriages sometimes think that if they only get a divorce, it will solve all their problems, but afterwards discover that divorce often causes more problems than it solves. 

Mind if I illustrate, for those who haven’t been there and might not believe me?

Let’s use Christmas to illustrate.  Let’s assume there are children involved, with grandparents still living.  Let’s also assume that one of the parents is remarried.  Some families celebrate on Christmas Eve, some on Christmas Day, and some do special things in both times…which is my way of doing things.  Children are generally raised with one tradition or the other.  I have always kind of mixed my preferences.  I like to go to Christmas Eve services and do some fun things on Christmas Eve, but prefer to have a holiday dinner on Christmas Day.  

Then, when a divorce comes, the schedule changes.  Which house will the kids be at for Christmas, which for Christmas Eve?  Or will it all be at one place and the other parent need to celebrate on the weekend instead?  How does that impact the schedule for new children the couple might have…do those children have to miss special holiday traditions for the sake of a divorce induced schedule?  If all that works this year, what about next year…do you take turns?  Do you end up focusing on one time or the other?  Do you forego ever seeing your children on Christmas if you accept that Christmas Eve is the only time you have with them?  

Then, factor in the grandparents, supposing the divorced parent is one of several children.  Grandparents sometimes suffer much in a divorce:  not only do they see their beloved child suffering due to the heartaches of divorce, but they also experience a loss of opportunities to spend time with their grandchildren.  If their is to be a united family holiday then all the members, the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins must now orient the holiday celebrations around a shared custody schedule, which may change from year to year, and accept that the traditions of the past may not be possible.  

And then there are the gifts.  Is it possible to coordinate those, too?  

If every one knows little Johnny needs a new bike, who buys it?  The parent whose house he is at the most, or the other parent?  Does he take it back and forth, or have one at each place?  If you bought a really nice one, are you able to handle that he takes it to the other parent’s home when he returns, and you may never get to see him enjoy it?  Worse yet, what if you buy one, and the other parent decides to one up you by purchasing a fancier one, just to make Johnny think he is more loved there?  (It DOES happen!)  In addition, sometimes a parent will phrase things in such a way it turns the child against the other parent, which impacts relationships with grandparents as well.  It is just a messy situation all the way around.  

In addition, you may find Christmas difficult, because you are still paying on attorney fees, or because you are now attempting to manage a household on half the income, since your partner has left.  As you decorate for the holidays, you may run across ornaments or other decorations that bring tears to your eyes as you are flooded with memories that once were sweet but now taste bitter.  It may be that places you visit for the holidays create the same kind of mixed emotions.

Christmas is but one holiday.  Every interaction becomes complicated. 

One difficulty many single parents face is the fact that the divorced parents hold a different set of values and parenting styles.  As a result, there is not the unity of discipline that is so essential for good parenting.  The children of divorce are well aware of this.  

How many single parents hear, “I don’t have to make my bed at dad’s house!  Mom lets me stay up later than 9:00.  I don’t have to put up with not being allowed to play video games, I’m going to my dad’s house!”  

Or the most troubling words a parent might hear, “I want to move over to the other house.”

These are a few of the “solutions” that come with a divorce.  They are the kinds of stresses many divorced individuals have to deal with on a daily basis.  So, especially in this time of year, a few words of encouragement and support might be just the thing to lift the load for a struggling friend. 

If you are one who is in the midst of these struggles, realize that you are not alone…many of us understand what you are going through and how difficult it is.  Even in the midst of these heartaches, it is a good thing to recall the name celebrated of Jesus at this time of year:  Immanuel---God is with us!

When Harry Met Sally..... and your Divorce!

Harry And Sally and Holiday Friendship

The holidays are just around the corner, with music, garland, candles and party horns.  For the recently divorced, they are also filled with lonely days, broken dreams, painful reminders of love lost and scheduling nightmares.  For those whose lives have moved on after divorce, new memories and traditions have often replaced the old, creating a new overlay of feelings of hope and new life.  But even after children have grown and moved away, schedules and relationships can still be hampered by time demands and expectations by one’s ex.  This time of year, filled with joy in so many homes, can be a season of heartache and loneliness for many, not only the divorced, but those now alone through widowhood as well.   I’d like to pass along a couple of suggestions for the upcoming season, whether you are the one divorced, or if you have a friend who has experienced it.  I have been reminded especially of this as I learn of several in my social circle who are experiencing divorce in this time. 

My first suggestion addresses the area of loneliness.  Just because you are now “alone” and your spouse has gone his or her own way, does not mean you need to be lonely.  If you ever saw the movie, “When Harry Met Sally,” then you may recall the arrangement the two leading characters had with one another, that if they ever had a holiday…notably New Year’s Eve, in which they were going to be alone, instead they would find a way to be with one another as friends.  Thinking ahead about those times when you may be alone, and especially feeling the loneliness that could come with it, can help you prepare alternatives to going through uncomfortable times of loneliness.  Probably a clear example could be that if you have younger children, it would be wise now to start considering plans for the time they will be away from your house to visit the other parent.  And, if you would learn their lesson, one of the best ways to plan is to arrange to be with someone else who will be facing potential loneliness. 

Let me add, as an aside, that some would warn that you make those plans with someone of the same gender, lest you end up creating confusion or giving false impressions with your friend.  Personally, sometimes I found that to be true, but there were other relationships in which a member of the opposite sex and I had clear discussions about our friendship and expectations, and so understood we were not interested in dating.  In any case, however you choose to handle it, I encourage you now to identify some of those times that might feel particularly lonely or painful, such as sitting alone at a Christmas Eve candlelight service, and begin making arrangements to avoid unnecessary hardship.

 The other suggestion I would like to offer is along the same lines, but with a different twist.  If you choose to not put yourself in loneliness producing situations unnecessarily, then consider going one step further. 

Instead of focusing solely upon how YOU will feel in that time, is it possible you could find another person or persons who have needs that you could meet by using that time to minister or care for THEM?  

In other words, look out for somebody ELSE’S best interest, needs, or feelings.  Be the one who helps somebody else conquer their loneliness by offering your friendship.  I can guarantee you our world is full of people who long to know that somebody cares.  Some of them live in nursing homes.  Others work in sheltered workshops.  Still others are just walking out of the divorce court themselves.  And others have just left a loved one in a cemetery.  YOU could be the key that could make all the difference in another person.  If you begin to look for people who need a friend, and for ways to make that difference.  You may find your holidays transformed into something more special than you imagine.

Oh, and by the way, a wise friend reminded me during my lonely days that though I might feel lonely, I was never truly alone.   Because we have a God who promises to never forsake us.  Don’t forget to include Him in your holiday plans, too!

TL:dr  Holidays can be lonely, but less so if you plan ahead and involve yourself with others