BLACK
FRIDAY LESSONS---DIVORCE STYLE!
In the United States
Similar terms
are used to describe the day the stock market tanked, the several times that
has happened. Or, I know of an place
where new administration came in and fired a lot of long term employees so that
cronies and friends could be hired in their place. Other long term employees saw what has
happening, and chose to slip out the door by choice a bit later, and were also
replaced by cronies. Those employees
referred to that day of firing as Black Friday, and you may know of similar
usages yourself. But in divorce, Black
Friday may be applied to other experiences.
Instead of
seeing Black Friday in the positive sales kind of way, some of us may apply the
term to the day we were served divorce papers, filed for divorce, were thrown
out of our homes by our spouses, or when the divorce became final and we
grieved the end of a marriage. That date
may be indelibly marked in your mind when the calendar rolls around, or, if you
are like me, you may not be so good at remembering dates, but can certainly
recall the awful experience. (And, maybe
you also relate to a subsequent time period that some of us call, “The Great
Depression.”) But like Good Friday of
the Easter Season, which some traditions refer to as “Black Friday,” out of
these awful times, resurrection can come.
Financially,
the stores talk about the day they turn a profit. Many divorced people experience great
financial upheaval, even taking bankruptcy as they seek to pay off their
attorney fees and manage the bills on their own after the court ordered
financial alterations. (By the way, I
have yet to meet a person who feels like the financial court orders were
“fair.”) Some say that it takes as long
as ten years to regain your financial footing.
And I know it can take even longer, especially if an ex has a special
affinity for going to court. In that
case, you may be like the businesses, and rejoice when your Black Friday comes,
and you are finally able to make ends meet, and feel a bit of the stress lift
as your financial world finally gains some equilibrium.
But for me,
Black Friday sales are a reminder of how far we have gotten from the core of
what Christmas is all about, and the same can be applied to Hanukkah. Hanukkah is a reminder of a time when God
made special provision for his people, revealed that he was with them at a time
of deliverance through the miraculous burning of the temple menorah. But as with Christmas, shopping has almost taken
over, and Santa is on every corner with reindeer, while those outside the
church clamor for celebration of Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. The Christ child in the manger is all but
forgotten. And yet, the greatest
Christmas present ever given was when God gave his son, born in a manger, to
come as our Redeemer, dying on the cross for our sins that we may live
eternally if we choose to accept through faith the gift he purchased.
If you are
struggling in a time of divorce, the Black Friday deals may be very tempting,
as you seek to manage Christmas on a very tight budget. But I want to encourage you to allow the
financial limits to help you restore a more meaningful focus to the
holiday.
Let go of the rush to buy the
perfect and most expensive gifts, or even to compete with your ex in what kind
of gifts you give. Instead, find a new
way to restore in your celebration reminders of the true meaning of Christmas,
the most perfect and timely and beautiful and precious gift ever given. “For God so loved the world that he gave his
only Son.”
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