How YOU can help a Divorced Friend on Father's Day!

Top Ten Father’s Day Tips to Help a Recently Divorced Father

1)            When you see him, say something like, “Hey man, how’s it goin’?  How about those Yankees?”  And then slug him in the arm.  In other words, we guys experience support and emotions differently, and so a different approach can be required.

2)           If he has the kids, and you have the ability, offer to take by a good meal over the weekend…it may have been a long time since he had some good home cooking.

3)           You might consider sending him tickets to a ball game for he and the kids….but maybe for Saturday rather than Sunday….less attention on dads and families that way.

4)           You could send him a card….and maybe mention the good qualities you see in him as a father…especially the ones you are seeing post-divorce.  He may be feeling like a failure and need the good word.

5)           He might could use some extra cash…but you may have to do it anonymously.  People are often aware of struggling single moms, but single dads can have it hard, too, with divided finances, maintenance or alimony, sometimes child support….it can really hit guys hard sometimes.

6)           Maybe invite he and his kids to join you for a trip to a local theme park or skiing at the lake…he may not have energy for great ideas himself.  And while out there, let his kids know you think he is a good dad…sometimes they are not told about the good things dad does.

7)           If you know the kids well, you may want to touch base with them to make sure they know it’s Father’s Day, and had opportunity to get cards or gifts.

8)           If he’s a good friend, you might want to consider scheduling late night pizza with him Sunday, or lunch the next day….he may need a place to talk out or debrief after a tough day.

9)           Offer to pick he and the kids up to go to church with you Father’s Day…it can be a tough day to walk in the door alone.

10)         And, as always, one of the greatest gifts you can give is to pray for him, and let him know he is in your prayers.  That is one of the true treasures of Christian friendship.

Top Ten Tips for Father's Day....for the Divorced Dad....

Well, we did some tips for Mother’s Day, how about putting out some ideas for Father’s Day?

 

 

 

Top Ten Father’s Day Tips for Newly Divorced Fathers

 

1)  Don’t try to make up for all the times you DON’T have with your kids, make this time you DO have a special one.

 

2)  Teach the kids the importance of Father’s Day by setting an example in the way you treat your own dad on Father’s Day.  You might even choose to make it a multi-generational celebration, because remember, grandparents also suffer time loss in a divorce.

 

3)  Teach the kids something about YOU, by sharing an activity that is important to you and helping them understand why it is.  

 

4)  If your ex makes the day difficult, choose to NOT focus on that, but to keep central the importance of time with your children….especially if they don’t reside with you most of the time.  Father’s Day isn’t about her, save that for another time.

 

5)  Pay attention to your budget.  If your resources are limited, (and even if they aren’t) don’t overcompensate by making the celebration over the top…maintain some degree of normalcy and keep some old traditions.

6)  We guys often aren’t good with expressing emotions, and they can really bubble to the surface in a big way on Father’s Day after divorce.  Be prepared for that…maybe arrange to have a buddy you can touch base with during the day if you struggle.

 

7)  A challenge to you:  if your ex helped the kids shop or make their cards or anything to make the day better for you…send her a thank you card…she is a rare gal if she does.  Your note may impact for the better, relations with your ex for many years to come.

 

8)  The break with your spouse complicates lots of relationships.  If your father-in-law was a good friend, consider sending him a Father’s Day card, or make sure your children do so for that grandfather.  (But don’t do it if you have been mean to your ex!  At least not without an apology.)

 

9)  You may know another guy who is having a tough Father’s Day…maybe because of a divorce himself, or some other reason.  You may want to find a way to include him in your plans and make a difference for HIM, too.  

 

10)  The Bible honors godly fathers, from Abraham to Job and beyond.  Set a godly example for Father’s Day, make sure you spend part of it with the kids in worship…being an example of faith is the greatest thing a Father can do.

Top Ten Action Tips for Getting Along with Your Ex!

THE TROUBLESOME EX—PART TWO   

TOP TEN ACTION TIPS

a.k.a.

Sending Ricin to Blackmail Hubby Won't Solve Your Problems!

So have you heard about the Texas actress, Shannon Guess Richardson, in Texas who was arrested after sending a ricin-laced letter to the president?  Turns out she and hubby are divorcing, and she was trying to set him up and make him look bad.  Guess she wasn't a very believable actress, huh?  OBVIOUSLY, she didn't read my last post…although, I posted after the letters had been sent.  If she had read and heeded the advice, she wouldn't be in jail now.  A news commentator asked if she was crazy or something, and the answer, of course, is YES!  The emotional upheavals of divorce can make you do crazy things!   So that, combined with the fact that one of my readers, Jason Ratner, made some specific responses/suggestions, caused me to reconsider putting together a list not about the emotional and internal responses of dealing with your ex, but a few practical interactive tips for those times when you are negotiating or trying to get on top of that difficult relationship. 

1)           In all your communications, stick to specific issues dispassionately…don’t chase rabbits or explanations and go into long self defenses.

2)          A friend’s wise advice to me was to put things into a win-win situation, where I sought what I needed by also offering what my ex needed in exchange.  (Having a good support group of wise friends can be very helpful!)

3)          Document everything…time of meeting, topic discussed, inappropriate actions suffered, keep hard copies or duplicate files of every email sent and received or text messages, and, if possible, also every voice mail.  In addition, you should document agreements not kept and court orders not honored.  Make copies of any checks written/received and consider registered mail for items sent.

4)          Develop a tough skin, don’t let the person get to you…they know your buttons and will push them.  Time to rewire!  Remain calm and direct, save your venting for afterwards with a friend or out in the wilderness where you can shout or cry to your heart’s content.

5)          Be clear, firm and insistent on specifics, in a timely fashion.  For instance, let her know several weeks ahead that you expect to be with the children on Father’s Day/Mother's Day and will pick them up at a certain time.  If there are objections, sometimes a simple, “nonetheless, I expect to pick them up at that time,” can go a long way. 

6)          Sometimes a copy of the court orders can be helpful.  In the scenario just mentioned, you can send a copy of the relevant documentation with the appropriate passage highlighted.

7)          When the other person responds well, express appreciation, and even find a way to reciprocate to help reinforce the kind of relationship you are seeking to develop.

8)          When the other person makes demands that ARE within appropriate bounds, respond in a positive way, such as, “yes, of course you can pick the children up at 7:00…it is important for the kids to have time with you, too.”

9)          In cases of high emotions, it may be best to set boundaries in terms of communications, sticking only to letters, emails and voice mails rather than direct interactions, lest you fuel the emotional firestorm between you.

10)       With a particularly abusive or invasive ex, it is a good idea to always arrange any necessary meetings or child drop offs at neutral locations, and bring a witness with you….they may be less likely to cause problems publicly.

And if nothing else works, there do seem to be some extreme cases, in which you may need to move to another town and simply start a new life as the only way to be away from the issues of dealing with your ex as often as you do.  Bottom line, it just is NOT an easy thing to deal with, and each situation is different.  Pick up tips from others who have dealt with it in the past, and hang on…for this, too, will pass!

Top Ten Tips For Coping with a Troublesome Ex

AH, THAT TROUBLESOME EX!!

In a conversation with a woman the other day, she indicated that she had been divorced a long time, and what she needed was my next book.  When I told her it was at the publishers, and explained some of the topics in it, like hope and rebuilding, she told me that what she needed was a book specifically about how to deal with a troublesome ex.  Don’t know that I care to write a book like that (although it IS discussed in places in both volumes), but thought I could at least throw some thoughts into the blog, because I bet she isn’t the only one, right?

I have heard and had lots of ideas in this area.  Sometimes it seems like a better legal arrangement ought to be that when a couple divorces, one HAS to move to another country.  Some folks actually say they are better friends AFTER their divorce than they were during their marriage!  Other individuals think in terms of acquiring hit men.  I don’t know that I will have all the answers, in fact, I can guarantee you by experience that I do NOT.  But I can throw out some thoughts that might be helpful.  And I think I will put most of it in a top ten list format, with a few preliminary comments.

The comments are simple.  First, it is what it is…divorce is messy, and you just have to deal with the realities it creates the best way you can.  You may think it would be easier to not have your ex involved with your children’s lives, and you may be right.  However, I have known several where that is the case, and those parents were heartbroken at the pain their children experienced with the absent parent, so it is a mixed blessing at best.  Dealing with an ex is, of course, the most difficult when the children are minors and the resulting entanglements ongoing, so if you are in that situation, realize that it will reduce as the children mature. 

The other thing I would highlight is that dealing with an ex is, unfortunately, a good test of your faith and commitment to the Lord.  There are so many scriptures that apply which seem so good in theory, but you get to learn they are not so easy to put into practice.  If you are struggling with an ex, I encourage you especially to read the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, 6 and 7 where topics are addressed such as forgiveness (6:14), being treated poorly (5:11-12), revenge (5:38-40), responding to evildoers (5:44, 7:12) and focusing on your own actions (7:1-5).   You learn how hard Paul’s advice is to never return evil for evil, but good instead (Romans 12), and as you grow in your understanding of God’s love for us and through us, understand the depth of living out God’s love as described in 1 Corinthians 13.  Perhaps reading something like Corrie ten Boom’s book, The Hiding Place can help you as you struggle with injustice.

With that as my introduction, how about the top ten suggestions:

1)  Technically, you should probably feel complimented…after all, it means you and your life are so much more interesting than your ex’s that he/she simply won’t move on!

2)  Don’t let yourself sink to their level or become hard and bitter.  A friend of mine once said that the trouble with getting into a spitting match with a skunk is you both end up smelling like skunks.  Just stick to the facts, avoid counterattacks and unnecessary       explanations and defensiveness.

3)    Set appropriate boundaries, and don’t be afraid to stand up for them.  Enabling poor behavior benefits no one.  Sometimes you can state or write your desires in a clear and non-confrontational manner with good results, but not always. 

4)  Pray for them!  Maybe not the prayers you FEEL like praying, but prayers you can imagine Jesus praying.  Prayers like, “God, help him/her submit to You. Help her/him realize how what they do affects the kids.”

5)  The Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) is a good guide to use….treat others (your ex) the way you want them to treat you.  (Not how they ARE treating you, but the way you WANT them to treat you.)  You are setting an example, maybe they will pick up on it (but I wouldn't bet on it if I were you).  More importantly set an example for your children or others who are watching you as an example of a person of faith.  

6)  If worst comes to worst, you COULD go back to court to seek some assistance, if you can afford it.  If the ex doesn't

 make court ordered payments or schedules, or if     there is continual harassment, there are possible legal courses of action such as contempt of court charges or restraining orders. The trouble often is, though, that     even though you may be able to obtain court decrees, enforcement is often another matter.  Ultimately,there will be the court of heaven and the judgment there will be inescapable. 

7)  Return good for evil (Romans 12:14-21).  Even if your ex shortchanges you financially, or robs you of time with your children on their birthday or Father’s/Mother’s     Day, YOU still seek to do what is right, what is good, what OUGHT to be done. You will be able to look yourself in the mirror when you are doing your best to live pleasing to God, even if others are not. 

8)  If you have children, always remember this is their father or mother.  If nothing else, your ex gave you these children you love.  AND, the ex remains their father or mother, and so don’t do things that undermine that reality.  Try to be careful what you say or do in front of them.

9)  Perhaps most of all, when dealing with that troublesome  ex, you can be thankful that at least you don’t have to deal with him/her all the time, since you no longer    share a home.  After the divorce, though an ex can create a great deal of stress and havoc, you still can go home to your own space and your own friends without him/her around. 

10)  Notice:  none of these are really about that troublesome ex….because you often have no useful influence over that person.  All you control are YOUR behaviors and          attitudes, you don’t control theirs.  Remember, if the two of you got along well, holding the same values and priorities, you probably would still be married….it’s because you DON’T that you are now dealing with them as an EX…don’t expect them to adopt your point of view NOW!  The good news is, you also will only have to answer for your own choices…they will have to answer for theirs. 

Well, there’s a list.  Maybe it will help.  At least it can offer some food for thought. 

TL:dr  Dealing with an ex can be very difficult, but tips about the kind of person you are and how you respond can make a difference.  

Tapping into the Strength of God in Difficult Circumstances

 Where Do You Get Strength to Endure?

(Note:  I write this specifically of divorce, but many of the things I describe apply to life situations such as a loss of job, death of a loved one or facing any of a multitude of life’s extreme difficulties, so feel free to apply the principles to whatever challenges YOU face.)

I had someone ask a question recently that, as time as passed, I realize is actually a pretty good question.  To get to the point of the article (and the title), you are going to have to bear with a bit of explanation first.  The individual was discussing my book, Finding God in the Seasons of Divorce, and asked me why I decided to write it as a devotional book.  In case you haven’t seen it yet, Finding God is laid out as a daily devotional, with scripture readings and special readings for holidays, and the devotionals are divided into four “seasons” related to the divorce experience.   The first volume has Autumn and Winter, when things are falling apart and look very bleak in the process of divorce, and the second volume (at the publishers now) is Spring and Summer, when hope starts to come back and you start to discover how to live your life in this new reality.  The devotional has scriptures from almost every book in the Bible, the topics cover everything from dealing with attorneys to depression to finances to children’s schedules….all the stuff that goes with divorce.  So the individual actually had looked over a copy of the book, and yet asked why I wrote in devotional format.  I realize there is actually an important answer or two to that, and those answers could also be helpful for lots of other areas of our lives, so I will share the answers as my stepping stone into today’s topic.

My first answer was that it was, in part, because I like devotional books myself, and am kind of a devotional junkie.  Then I added something about how so much of the supporting help out there is in the form of a once a week setting, and you are left on your own the rest of the week.  And I think I mentioned that Christians often face not only the feelings of stress and failure in the divorce, but also can find ostracism from other Christians and maybe even wonder if God still cares.  As a result, many divorcing Christians end up leaving their church, and some even abandon God.  And so the purpose of the book is to provide something that can walk with the person day by day as they go through the struggle, and help them discover the scriptures that assure them of God’s role in their lives, hopefully helping them keep on track.  But the core answer to the question is actually none of those things, and yet all of those things.  The core answer is this:  Finding God in the Seasons of Divorce is written in devotional book format because divorce is a tough and confusing experience, sometimes even devastating, and is thus the perfect time to learn how to experience God’s help and guidance and an important time to lean on God.  In fact, I believe it is critical that we build that connection, because the temptations and the choices are many, while the process is emotionally and physically draining, that it can really lead a person to do very foolish or destructive things.  It is a critical time to make the wisest choices possible, realizing, of course that we all make mistakes as we struggle.

So my belief and purpose in this regard is to provide some reflections that can help readers tap into the resource that God is in our lives.  Many places in the Bible God invites us to come before Him to find strength and help, to look to Him for guidance and correction, to know that God is with us in all the trials of life and desires we look to Him for the meeting of ours life’s needs, to let Him be a refuge and protector for us, to confess our shortcomings and sins that we may know His forgiveness and mercy…and every one of those concerns are often desperately needed by individuals wrestling with divorce…especially those whose divorce is a result of an abandoning spouse.  In some cases, the situation can become so overwhelming as to create despair and the episodes of suicide and rage we so often tragically see in the news.  God can help us navigate the treacherous waters that dash against our lives, and keep us from crashing against the rocks.  But we must trust.  And we must be open to God’s voice.  And we must be diligent to seek Him.

Too many times I have known of individuals who end up divorced (whether their choice or not) and lose their faith in God.  They may even turn away from the church, (and quite possibly turned away from the church) and some who even abandon the ministry to which they were called.  I have personally known and seen good church and Christian leaders end up knocked so off balance that they fall away or fall apart in bitterness, disappointment or depression.  Many question the place of God in the midst of their turmoil.  And though many find their way back into church…often a different church…many do not. 

I believe the best prevention, the best restoration, the best source of strength and wisdom in the midst of this upheaval is tapping into the help of God.  To do so requires our attention to what God has taught, it requires time before Him, and it helps to hear the encouragements of others who have faced similar struggles.  Many of the scriptures in my devotionals are scriptures God used to give me strength when I  was the one who so desperately needed it.  I include passages that have offered me hope when I felt no hope, or called me to see beyond the circumstances to the God who dwells above the circumstances and can carry us through them.  The writings I have included are not so much to tell the reader how to think or explain everything I have learned about God, as they are to help the readers who are searching for their own answers and want some outside perspective to help guide their search.  I believe God’s heart is broken each time a marriage falls apart, but then breaks even further when the divorcing person allows the experience to turn him/her AWAY from God instead of TOWARD Him.  God has much to offer those who struggle, as scriptures describe God as being near the brokenhearted, the outcast, the weak, the fearful.  I want to encourage each reader to let God speak to you in the hard times of your life.  And my hope is that my book or my writings can help you experience His touch in some particular way that may be the very way God seeks to touch your life just now.  Your own strength can only carry you so far.  God’s strength in us will carry us through to victory!

TL:dr: Let the strength of God be your source for the endurance of your difficulties.  

Celebrate your history...

Katy Days!!

So my little town just finished their annual celebration of Katy Days.  It’s kind of a festival held this time of year, with various live music events, foods, vendors, historical presentations, things like that…AND TRAINS!  The celebration is built around the remembrance of the fact that our little town was a significant central hub for a Midwest train line:  The MKT (Missouri, Kansas and Texas), affectionately known as the Katy Railroad.  So the historical museum is open all weekend, including the IronHorse Museum which is all about trains, primarily the Katy.  It is a simple museum…I have seen several railroad museums that are bigger, but it is pretty good for a town our size (read:  small).  I’m not a good enough historian to identify exact times and details, but our town was established in the late 1800’s around the new train line, and our town boasted of a very large roundhouse, extensive shops, a big depot and the administrative offices for the line.  (Note: Parsons Kansas was established in 1870 and named after Levi Parsons, the President of the Missouri-Katy-Texas Railroad.  Parsons served as the hub for the MKT Railroad and there were five different rail lines going in different directions.)

 

But if you talk to the railroad buffs, they will also quickly remind you that in the late 60’s and early 70’s, things were changing in the rail business, and bit by bit the line was reduced here in town until there are only a couple of lines left with minimal support facilities, all now owned by the Union Pacific.  Some even will claim that the rail line pulling out had devastating economic and growth impact on the community from which it has never recovered.  And maybe it did.  Yet there have been other businesses that have arisen, with factories and retailers that didn’t even exist in town when the rail line was prospering…life has gone on.  But in spite of the ambivalent, and sometimes hostile, feelings that people have toward the historical fact, the town still celebrates the annual Katy Days to remember.  And maybe as a way to bring a bit of an economic boost to the community now and then, kind of finding a way to still benefit from the railway of old.  But I had some other thoughts of my own I’d like to pass along.

 

Notice the celebrating of something people remember fondly, even though it also has a degree of resentment attached.  When we remember our pasts, we can create a celebration of things that weren't really as rosy as we’d like to think…as sometimes people do who wish their spouse would return and yet forget the abuse or misery they suffered.  This is not a healthy or realistic way to approach things.   Another alternative that people follow is to so focus on the good old days that they live their entire lives in the past, nor able to recognize or accept the inevitability of change in our world.  Sometimes this translates into spending all your time wishing things could go back to the way they were, and never able to look to the future with joy or hope, yearning for what will be instead of merely longing for what was. 

But the Katy Days celebration exemplifies an alternative that can be a good example as we deal with our varied pasts and difficult times of loss or change.  The celebration is put together by people who are fully aware of the sorrow over the way things transpired years ago, but who choose to highlight not the negative emotions and events, but the fond memories and the good things of that time period.  We can spend our lives pretending there was nothing bad, we can spend our lives only paying attention to the good, or we can remember things for what they were, celebrate what was good about them, accept that life is always changing and lessons we learned from it all prepare us to make a brighter future.  Kind of like the little engine that could, wouldn't you say?  I think I can, I think I can…..  Toot, toot!

TL:dr:  Change happens so focus on the positive. 

How's your Lawn?

Unwatered or Unnatural?

I like Phoenix.  Arizona in general, actually.  I have visited many times over the years, especially since I have family living there.  In fact, this last trip down was for the memorial service of a dear uncle who had passed away.  I have special memories, favorite places, favorite things to do and always try to discover something new as well.  (Don’t worry, I’m not going to discuss all of those, you can read on!)  So I went on an early morning walk   (one of my favorite desert things to do) and noticed a couple of things that had me thinking.  One was a sad thing, as I noticed that even though Phoenix has many places they try to make the city look nice and artistic, there always seems to be trash strewn along the roads and sidewalks.  New York is like that, too.  The other thing I noticed probably because in the upcoming volume of the divorce book, I have several reflections based on Jesus’ soils parable, and it got me to thinking about some things I might share with you.

As I fly or drive into Phoenix, I am always struck by the idea that millions of people choose to live together in a place where there is very little water naturally available. Most of it comes in through canals directed to various places, ultimately coming out of the mountains to the north.  Almost anything can grow in this area, as long as you irrigate.  So walking along, I would see three kinds of yards.  The first are the ones that are simply desert oriented.  These are yard where people know that the grass found in yards elsewhere does not survive in the desert on its own, so they create yards that are more desert friendly, with pea gravel, cactus and aloe.  The rest of the yard is simply a sandy desert theme.  But most places like having yards with grass.  I would walk by some of the nicest yards, well watered, well kept, that look really great.  But right next door may be a yard that has reverted to sand, as those owners have neglected the needed watering.  As I proceed from here, you may want to take what I share as a metaphor for your own life, or maybe for your marriage or divorce, because those were the images that came to my mind as I reflected on what I saw.

The first kind of yard, the desert theme, can be an interesting approach to things.  Those owners simply step back and take a realistic look at their situation and seem to decide a couple of things.  I think they must remind themselves that they chose the desert as the place they wanted to live, so why bother to try to create something that belongs to some other climate in the first place?  And the second thing I think they do is simply take a realistic look at things:  grass isn't part of this environment, what is?  What things belong here and I enjoy?  How can I simply take the reality of the desert to create something I enjoy for my yard?  And then they decorate with some lovely cactus flowers and rough stone and create something pretty nice.  I think married couples can create good marriages doing that as well, by simply not trying to be something they aren't  taking a realistic look at themselves and their life circumstances, and then building their marriage based on the realities of their lives.  At least, it sure makes sense to me, doesn't it YOU? 

Others, like the lush green yards, instead of looking merely at what is, also look at what could be with a little effort and imagination, and so go about doing the things to make something more.  They put in irrigation pipes, they set timers to flood the lawn, they plant orange trees and azaleas, and end up with a pretty scenic spot out of the deal.  But it requires a lot of intentional planning, thought and effort.  And some marriages thrive doing the same thing.

But what I noticed most was the contrast between the yard owners who had let theirs go, and their neighbors with lush green grass.  The title of this blog captures the conclusions I came to in my reflections.  The first one is that in order to have a quality lawn in Phoenix, you have to commit and be diligent to keep up the watering and the other tasks of lawn maintenance such as edging and mowing.  Without that nurturing care, the lawn dies.  And it appears to die very quickly under the scorching heat, and soon reverts to nothing but desert sand.  It seems to me that the same is true for us, as individuals and as couples.  If we are going to be people of high character, it requires diligence on our part, because we can quickly decay and revert to something less.  I know this is true of our spiritual beings.  Our understanding of God and our relationship with Him is not something that just goes on its own, it is something we must nurture and cultivate, if we want that area of our lives to prosper.  If we want our marriages to thrive like the lush green of a healthy lawn, we need to be willing to be diligent to keep up the things that make for a good marriage: time together, good communication, consideration, that sort of thing.  If you are divorced, then you may recognize here how your marriage had gotten to the desolate point it had reached, as you reflect on the care not provided.

But then I also thought more along the lines of the people with the first yard.  The yards are gorgeous, and I grant that the desert is extremely fertile when things are watered, but there is also a certain artificial-ness to it all.  In rain forests and jungles, there is no need to try to make things grow…plants grow and grow and grow all by themselves!  In those locations, the issue is more about how to keep them from taking over!  So there is a sense in which the green yard people in the desert are trying to make their places something they are not!  And they do it for appearance’s sake, of course, they want their places to look nice.  But even if they make the yard nice and plush, the truth is, that is NOT the nature of the desert…the nature of it is to be waterless, and to harbor those hardy plants the thrive under these extreme conditions.  For the lawns to truly be lush would require a change in nature, the rain patterns to shift and turn this area into a jungle which, by nature, is a thriving place for plants. 

I think sometimes individuals, Christians and marriages all make the same kind of error in their lives.  They do the things it takes to change the way things appear to make them seem wonderful, but they never really deal with the core issue of the need to change their nature.  The marriage is a sham, the individual is disingenuous, or the Christian has no depth and is hypocritical.  It isn't enough to look godly, we must be godly if we want to please Him.  The need is for a change in the nature.  The couple in the marriage need to ask God for transformation to help make it what they cannot create themselves.  Paul says in Corinthians that Christ makes in us a new creation, that the old has passed away while the new has come, as if describing a desert turned to rain forest.  (Interestingly enough, many deserts in the world were, in fact, once lush jungles and forests, until nature changed.) 

So does any of this resonate with anything in your life?  I know that in mine, there are places that need real transformation, not merely a change of appearance.  And I know that taking a realistic look at my situation makes a huge difference in what I expect and what I know I can reasonably try to create.  And I also know that the touch of God is an absolute essential for areas where my feeble attempts at beauty leave something to be desired.  Maybe the lawn of YOUR life could use some thoughtful consideration, too. 

TL:dr  In life, as in lawns, it is wise to assess ourselves and our relationships based on the realities of life, and deal with the real nature of things, not artificial constructs of our own making.