Silly Love Songs
So have been on the road quite a bit of late, and
pretty swamped with some things around home, as well. Lots of good visits about faith, about my
books, about old friends. Driving home
today, I was listening to some oldies CD's after having visited with some folks about
possibly speaking at an upcoming event in their church. In my visit, I was told about a man who was
experiencing a tough divorce, and so there was a fair amount of discussion
about the topic. As I was driving along,
a song came on that was an old love song, and it got me to thinking and
remembering, especially as I was thinking about and praying for the individual
I had heard about.
Let’s talk first about music, though. I like music.
A lot. I am musical, maybe not a virtuoso, but enough to know my way around a few instruments. I think you can agree that there is a huge emotional tie to music. Songs that lift your spirits,
songs that lead you to prayer, songs that bring a tear to your eye. Or at least, they do these things for
me. Anyway, so this love song came on
the CD (yes, the CD…I have some old LPs around, too…). And as it played, it reminded me of the time
during the time of my divorce when I literally couldn't listen to the radio or
many of my CDs. It was too hard. The promise of love, the joy of finding that
special someone, the longing in the eyes, all those things love songs describe
primarily reminded of the love I hadn't known, the love that had been
shattered, the great sense of loss I was experiencing, and the love that all
now felt like a lie. Some other music
was also hard to hear…like Alvin
and the Chipmunks Christmas Songs and certain other Christmas music, because it
was all tangled up with memories of years gone by in a relationship now
dissolved and cast aside. Even some songs
of faith just didn't feel very good, songs that promised God was working
everything out, or that when we trust in God nothing evil will come our
way….though I believed the essence of the message, the experience of my life in
that moment did not match the assertions of faith. In fact, the experience seemed to contradict
everything those songs were saying, because it so often felt like either God
had let me down or I had let God down, and it was very difficult to decide
which was the case.
Maybe these things describe your life these days, or
describe a time you remember like I do, or maybe they describe the struggle
someone you know is experiencing. It is
a hard place to be. It is a lonely place
to be. It is a very tearful place to
be.
But it is not the place you stay…
or
at least, I hope you don’t stay there.
As I experienced tonight, one does move on, and favorite songs come back
with a different perspective…maybe a bit more jaded perspective, maybe a
perspective that contains a bit more wisdom.
The come back because you come to realize that though the marriage
ended, it doesn't mean that love does not still exist, or will never exist
again in your life. They come back
because you find a place in your heart, a place in your life for all the
memories, each in their own time slot, each with their own mix of joy and
tears. They come back because you
discover that, even though you couldn't see it at the time, God was indeed
still at work, and was still loving, and still working out plans for good. They come back because music that is
successful is successful because it touches a common thread within human
hearts…the cry to give and receive love, the call to something greater than
ourselves, something eternal.
I don’t have a huge point to this little blog. Except I suspect there is somebody out there
who knows exactly what I am talking about, because they have either experienced
it themselves, or are in the midst of it right now. I just wanted that person to know they are
not alone. And that they are not
stuck. It is one of the many phases and
struggles tied in with the experience called divorce. That brokenness affects so many areas of our
lives, and sends out so many ripples, that sometimes it is easy to forget how
much of our lives have been changed because of the words on a court
document. If you are the one struggling,
I encourage you to hang in there, eventually these things move on and take a
new shape in your life. And that shape
can be very, very good…even if it continues to bring bad mournful or difficult
memories. Realize, you are not
alone…these things happen to many of us in the upheaval of life due to divorce.
TL:dr Divorce’s
impact can even affect our experience of music, and change the way it touches
our hearts.
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