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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

What's in Your Tool Kit to Help You Survive Your Divorce?


With much of the United States having experienced harsher winters with power outages and dangerous roads that result in stuck vehicles, individuals have been aware that they need an emergency kit to get them through the temporary difficult time.  Food, water, something to help keep warm…that sort of thing.  

Divorce can be similarly disabling.  What items might be a in a kit to survive the temporary experience of divorce proceedings? Of course, there are some you wish you could take, that tend not to be real life, such as unlimited finances for tough times, or magic salve that can take away all the pain.  But even without those, there are some valuable things that ARE realistic to help you through.   Here are some suggestions, in no particular order:

1)      A good sense of humor--someone told me to find something that brings joy at least once a day

2)    Support network--make sure you have friends and family you can turn to for encouragement and strength, including safe places to mourn the loss of the marriage and the hurts you experience

3)    Medical attention--you may need medicine to help with depression/anxiety, and your immune system may drop with the stress

4)    Distractions--it is a good thing to have something to focus on sometimes besides your own situation, a place you volunteer, a group you are part of, meetings you attend, projects you are working on, that sort of thing

5)    Responsibilities--this can be a job, caring for the children, pets, helping parents, church offices…someplace that your contribution matters

6)    A guide--a pastor, counselor, confidante…someone with whom you can discuss the feelings you have and the decisions you face who is able to give you some objective feedback

7)    Reminders of your worth—some things that remind you of contributions and differences you have made in the world, things that illustrate you CAN do something, and you ARE of value…because it is easy to lose track of that when divorce is beating you up

8)    Dreams- -to counter the hopelessness that can come, even one thing you are looking forward to in life, whether a trip, a change, a challenge, whatever…something that can give you hope for the future

9)    Reservoir of love--out of which you can continue to offer the love you have to give, to those who are able and willing to receive it, your children, your friends, your family.  Just be careful that you don’t get ahead on this one and mistake love for inappropriate needy relationships started too early in vulnerable days

10)  Faith--to remind you to Whom you belong, and that you don’t walk alone, to give you patience to endure and trust that God is still in charge, working for your eternal good

I didn’t want to add it to the list, but it is true that a good attorney who will look out for your interests does make a huge difference.  If you think of others, feel free to add comments to share with others who might read this blog.

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