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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Roman Candles and Divorce

Well, Independence Day is almost here!  I love this holiday.  Homemade ice cream.  I like to set off fireworks.  I like to watch fireworks shows…..and have been privileged to see some really great ones in my life.  I especially remember one after a MLS soccer game, that featured a flyover by a stealth bomber…..that was really something!  So happy 4th to all of you!

Divorce brings interesting things to holidays.  They can be very tough for individuals, as they may or may not see their children, they may have mixed feelings about their memories.  They may have lost traditions and plans that were very dear.  But, as I found out, (and my divorce finalized pretty close to July 4th, actually), divorce also creates some newfound “independence” of its own, whether you want it or not!  I found I was free to celebrate holidays the way I wanted, without having to consult or compromise any plans or split between families.  That was kind of nice.  Kind of.  And so, I did begin my own traditions, reclaimed some old memories and habits….that sort of thing.  But again, it also depends on who has the kids if kids are involved.  Holidays were also very lonely times some years.

So, if you are reading this and are divorcing or divorced, try to be considerate of your ex….don’t make it harder for them or the kids than need be.  And claim some independence for yourself…..celebrate in some ways that you haven’t in years. 

But if you are reading this and are still happily in your intact family, then I encourage you to look around you.  Are there some folks for whom this might be a tough day, that you could include in YOUR plans?  I promise you, including a lonely person into your family circle creates deep friendships and very powerful memories. 

And remember…….Roman candles are NOT to be handheld.  Or, at least, so I hear……….    ‘nuf said.  Happy 4th!

TL:DR  Holidays can sometimes be tough after divorce, look out for your friends.

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