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Sunday, March 9, 2014

If There Could Be any Bright Side to Divorce.....


After a couple of more serious blogs, I thought I’d throw a few more fun thoughts out there, for balance you know.

Divorce is a crappy experience, right?  And for most of us, it’s a heartbreaking experience.  There are those, I know, who find it to be a deliverance from an awful homelife, I was reminded as I watched “Sleeping With The Enemy” again the other night.  But even when it is a deliverance, it is still heartbreaking and difficult. 

During divorce and the aftermath, sometimes it is helpful to find something to smile about, because there is so much that can drag you down.  I am a person who enjoys all sorts of humor, including humor that can sometimes be a little dark, and somehow, I decided, I’d make up a list of the “bright side” of divorce, and maybe it will bring that smile.  Some are more serious than others, some, though true, bring a bittersweet smile, but take it in the spirit intended, and maybe something in it will brighten your day.  So here is my little list, hopefully pieces relevant for both genders:

1)      You can now sleep on whichever side of the bed you want to…even catty whompus diagonal across the middle.  In other words, you can have the whole TOP side!  And, for a bonus, you even get to keep all the covers!

2)    If you don’t like broccoli, or Brussels sprouts, there won’t be anybody making them whose feelings will be hurt if you don’t at least taste them, neither will you have to pretend that the burnt steak from the grill actually tastes good.
3)    You won’t have to decide where to invest your money.  (The court and the attorneys will be very willing to help decide where to direct your finances.)

4)    The toilet paper WILL be dispensed the “CORRECT” way, the toothpaste rolled or squeezed (which YOU know it is the best method) and the toilet seat will be left exactly how you want it left.

5)    Your grocery bill will be substantially less.  (And, if you are a guy like most guys, substantially less healthy, too!)

6)    If you remarry, you will get a “second honeymoon,” but with a different person, making it two “first honeymoons” instead! 

7)    You don’t have to watch action movies (or romantic movies) unless you want to.

8)    If you’re a guy, there will be more room in the bathroom medicine cabinet with the makeup gone and you won’t have to use shower gel stuff if you want to use soap. 

If you’re a woman, you won’t have to fight against the bathroom smelling like a locker room, or find bits of shaving cream, toothpaste and who knows what else left on the counter and in the sink.

9)    If you want to take the kids to Disneyland, it doesn’t matter whether you spouse wants to go or not, you can just take them! (financial considerations aside)

10) The house can be decorated, depending on your gender, with all the pastels or trophy deer heads you want!

11)  If you break a dish or the faucet, there won’t be anybody around to remind you that it is all your fault!

12)  And, odds are, you will now win most of the adult arguments in your home…unless, of course, you are a person who beats yourself up a lot or the old multiple personality disorder kicks in.

13)  Either you will now get to find out how the television remote control works OR you will no longer hear complaints about the way you work it.

14)  If you want to go to the all night store at three in the morning, you can do so, and not only will nobody mind, nobody will even notice!

15)  When you leave something in the fridge, it will still be there next time you go back for it (unless you have teenagers, in which case you should install a revolving door on your refrigerator anyway).

Well, those are a few bright sides, perhaps.  And when so much is lost, sometimes it really does help to find something to consider a bright side.  There are some positive things that can happen as a result of a divorce, but they come with a pretty high price.  But then, so does staying in a really bad marriage, right?

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