When
YOUR Child Divorces---Grandparenting
When a divorce occurs, we are
often aware of the impact on children, but more rarely do people consider the
fact that the parents (who may be grandparents), aunts and uncles, in fact the
entire family may well be impacted by the decisions made by the two individuals
divorcing. And let me add, if you are a
parent of a divorcing child, and are able to keep good relations with your
former daughter or son-in-law in way that does not negatively impact your
relationship with your own child, God bless you…you may well play an important
role in the health and well being of your family though difficult days..
One of the areas impacted by
divorce has to do with the division of children’s time between parents
(mentioned a few blogs back). But that
division and loss goes beyond the parent.
The limited time with the kids must also be split with the grandparents,
if they are to have a chance to spend time with their grandchildren. There are some states in which grandparents’ rights
are being protected in the court proceedings, but by and large, the
grandparents tend to be without voice and with little protection of their
rights. At the same time, a personal
request I would make is that you help set the example for your child and
grandchildren in respecting the court ordered schedule, honoring the time that
even your ex-in-law is accorded in the agreement. To illustrate taking a child away for a
birthday or other holiday in such a way that it denies the other parent
appropriate opportunity is a poor example to set for your grandchild.
As a grandparent, you can have
tremendous impact for your grandchildren, if you have the opportunity. I know that it can be very difficult, and the
divorce can sometimes cause strains in your relationship with grandchildren…I
have seen that myself in various situations.
However, to the best of your ability, continue to grandparent as you
always have…or maybe with even a bit more loving care. For children, there is a great deal of
upheaval and uncertainty in their homes and lives, as a grandparent, you can be
one of the anchors that keeps them steady.
One of the greatest things kids
say about grandparents is that grandparents have more time to listen to them
than mom or dad often will take. That
role of a kindly, listening ear becomes tremendously important during and after
a divorce. Children may need to confide
in you their heartaches, fears, or struggles as they adapt to a changing
environment. Some of those things may be
very hard to hear, because you may hear that your child, or the other parent,
isn’t taking care of the child as well as they once did. You may hear about a new person who has moved
in with a parent, a person whose behavior may scare you for the morals imparted
to your grandchild. You may even need to
give an extra careful listen, in case even their safety would be at risk, as
sometimes happens when drugs or abuse enter the home through a new person. There are plenty of heart wrenching stories,
sadly enough. I only hope there are
enough heart tuned grandparents to go around.
Be careful not to feed hostility
against a parent, or not to get overly emmeshed in helping your child parent
during a difficult time. At the same
time, you may need to become an occasional advocate for your grandchild when
you become aware of serious mistakes your child is neglecting while caught up
in the throes of divorce.
And most of all, more than any
other time in their lives, your child and your grandchildren desperately need
your prayer support. I truly believe it
when the book of Hebrews tells us that the angels are ministering spirits sent
by God. More than once in the Bible
angels are dispatched in answer to fervent prayers. For the sake of your grandchildren, dispatch
a few their way today.
TL:dr When an adult child divorces, the role of the
parent as grandparent to the children becomes of paramount importance.
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