THE LONELIEST NUMBER
Years ago, there was a song popular by the
rock group Three Dog Night named
“One,” and the chorus of that song proclaimed that “one is the loneliest
number.”
Probably loneliness is one of
the hardest things to face after a divorce, and it comes in many different
forms. Loneliness can be felt at night
when you turn off the last light and hear nothing but emptiness in the
house. Loneliness can be felt when you
are caring for a houseful of children and suddenly realize there is no one
there to help. Loneliness can be felt
when you go out to eat and see tables filled with couples, or groups of
couples…or maybe you are even with a group of couples…but you are there alone. Loneliness can even be experienced by a
glance at an empty seat in the car or at the table, by the smaller loads of
laundry or the meals prepared that you realize are way too big for just
yourself. It can be hard when, after
years of marriage, you walk up to the ticket box at the theater and respond to
the question of, “how many?” by simply saying, “One.”
Even church can be a lonely place.
Most churches include a lot of individuals
who have been widowed, and those who have never yet gotten married, but sitting
by yourself because your marriage has fallen apart is an entirely different
kind of experience. A friend of mine
liked to remind me during my times of loneliness that there is a huge
difference between being lonely and being alone, and that as a Christian, I was
never really alone even if I felt very lonely.
He was, of course, right. It’s
just that it didn’t always feel like
he was right.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the
notion that it is probably best not to get into another serious relationship,
until it is okay to be alone, to not be in a relationship. I have long loved the verse found in Mark
1:35—
“And in the morning, a great
while before day, he rose and went out to a lonely place, and there he prayed.” (RSV)
Jesus was comfortable being alone. In fact, there were times he clearly relished
it. He never married (despite fictional
accounts in popular movies), and so his life was a life of solitude and
friendships, not the life of a married man.
He never seemed to be concerned about whether he would ever find that
“perfect girl” or not. He clearly felt
whole living his life single.
We are
most healthy when we are able to feel whole, even if living alone, the kind of
wholeness that only comes from a relationship with God.
Jesus, it seems to me, understood that there are opportunities
that come with singleness that do not exist in marriage.
Let’s consider the idea... Jesus, married. Let your imagination go for a second... (and I'll ask ahead of time for forgiveness...).
“What did you say, Jesus?
You have 5000 friends out on a picnic with you, and you didn’t even
think to pack the picnic basket? Do I
have to think of everything?” (Of
course, if he WERE married, there would have been a picnic basket…the opposite
gender tends not to be as forgetful about those things.)
“Okay,
Jesus, I get that you feel called to be at travelling evangelist - but can’t we at least get an RV?”
“Yes
dear, I understand that male bonding time is important. But don’t those disciples have a home to go
to once in a while? I’d like some time
with you just for the two of us.”
“Now
Jesus, I can’t just have you running all over the place like that. One morning you’re up way before dawn,
wandering who knows where in those mountains and what if a lion attacked? And you said you were going off to pray, and
the next thing I know you are halfway across the lake walking on the water leaving
me and kids to take the subway….and it hasn’t even been invented yet!”
I
used to go to the all night store at 2:00 in the morning once in a while. It was quiet there, and the lines were short,
and I did not have to explain it to anyone.
Sometimes I ate breakfast food at supper and would change lunch plans at
the drop of a hat…because I could. I
didn’t have to worry that my getting up to pray or turning on the lights to
read was going to wake up anybody, because I was the only one there. Being single means you can spend as much time alone with God
in the Word and reflection as you want, without worrying that it is robbing
time from your marriage partner. Some of
those silly things were part of what made being single okay. And knowing I wasn’t really alone, made the
loneliness more bearable when it hit.
If
you are alone these days, don’t let the loneliness be the only things you
experience in this time. Relish the
opportunities that come with the gift of being alone for a while. Jesus seemed able to do that, you can, too.
