The Discombobulation of Mary and Joseph

A DISCOMBOBULATED CHRISTMAS

How are your plans for Christmas going?  Those of you who might be newly divorced or separated may find that the plans are very difficult as emotions swirl, schedules become awkward and times of loneliness and loss come to the fore.  

Perhaps you can relate to the notion of a “discombobulated” Christmas.  Though almost 20 years out of divorce myself, Christmas remains one of those holidays regularly impacted by the fallout of divorce as even grown children have to make choices regarding their schedule and plans that would have not been an issue apart from divorce.  Yet life goes on, and there develops a new normalcy.

But life gets discombobulated for other reasons, as well.

For me, this year, Christmas will be very different. 

I very recently took on a new pastorate in another state, which will result in making a move of our entire household.  Our situation is such that the move will be in stages, and include some time with my wife and I not always in the same place.  I am celebrating Christmas and Christmas Eve with a new congregation, and we are sharing with one another our traditions and celebrations, some the same, some different.  Most of our Christmas decorations were moved to a new house, but mainly in time for a chilly reception as the polar winds dipped down and dropped temperatures throughout the Midwest and announced that the decorations may be best inside their storage containers this year. 

With some things here, some things there, and other things yet to be located, we are experiencing some discombobulation ourselves.  In addition, as we celebrate Christmas in  a new location, our participation in family Christmas is going to be in one of the kid’s home this year located halfway between our new and old homes, while we are in transit from one to the other.  Discombobulated. 

But you know what?  I was reading through the Christmas story again in preparation for our worship services, and somehow, I think that was a fairly discombobulated time for Mary and Joseph as well!  My discombobulation may be more akin to Joseph and Mary’s experience of Christmas than the best laid plans and celebrations that are normally the makeup of our traditions.  

At least our move was because of choices we made, they had to leave because of an imperial order!  It seems likely to me that they had family and possessions scattered in Nazareth, Bethlehem and who knows where else that first Christmas.  They didn’t even celebrate  Jesus’ birth in a home at all.  In fact, as I was reading G. Campbell Morgan the other day, he pointed out that even the word “inn” from the story doesn’t refer to an inn as we might think of it, but was more of a walled enclosure in a field where people could bring their cattle for protection at night.  No host, no restaurant, no cozy bedroom, just some open space with perhaps a few spaces of shelter for people inside.  Mary and Joseph couldn’t even get a place there!  And then, later on, after the wise men came, they had to abandon home again and escape to Egypt in fear for the life of the new baby.  

Discombobulated.

And yet, in what may have been the most discombobulated time of Mary and Joseph’s lives, God was working the most incredible plan of history, working in ways they would never have imagined.  This Christmas, what in your life, feels discombobulated to you.  What things just don’t seem on track, or where do you just feel out of sorts?   I invite you to consider that it might be a Mary and Joseph moment for you, that God has a plan he is working through your time of discombobulation, even if it doesn’t feel like there is much of a plan.  Just as in the moment of creation, God brought order out of chaos, so God will bring meaning and purpose out of the most discombobulated times of our lives when we submit our will and our ways to him.  

And you know what?  Christmas is the perfect time to do just  that!  Offer God the discombobulated areas of your life, and invite him to use them for something wonderful.  It just might be the best Christmas present of all!.

No Blanket Approaches, Please!

WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF CHRISTMAS?

(Note to readers:  This is NOT our house and not our Christmas decorations! Those that know us well know that the energy for this much decorating does not exist in this home!)

I have learned in life that there are people who absolutely love Christmas, those who absolutely hate it, and those who are somewhere in between.  

You can always tell those who really love the holidays.  Their houses have lots of lights, the decorations are up at the first opportunity, they wear Christmas ties or socks or sweaters, their radios are always set to the stations playing Christmas music 24/7, and they will have the most wonderful family meals you have ever eaten with lots of happy people and lots of presents under the tree.  Many of those who are Christian, and some who are not, will celebrate Advent and candlelight services and maybe a cantata or performance of Handle’s “Messiah” as well.  Among these folks that will be many who also have lots of wonderful memories to share from past celebrations of Christmas, often extending back to their childhoods.  These people are great people to be around when you feel like celebrating the birth of Christ.

Those who hate them tend to have lots of reasons for their hatred.  Some of them remember empty stockings and soup kitchens from Christmas.  Others have memories of those who abandoned their family at this time of year.  For some the Christmas holiday feels like nothing more than a pointed reminder that they don’t have the money to buy people presents.  Some of these people walk with fresh wounds of a spouse having just divorced them, or a loved one dying leaving them to face the holidays alone. Some despise the commercialism of a religious holiday, and then there are, of course, those who simply hate what the feel is a religious holiday being shoved down their throat.  Whatever the reason, generally speaking these individuals have lots of valid reasons they struggle, and in some cases, simply need some time to heal, or a way to find the path back to the meaning and real celebration of the Christmas holidays.

Those who are in between, are there for a variety of reasons.  While they may rejoice and celebrate the season, they may also have some mixed feelings for some of the same reasons others hate the holidays.  People who have been divorced often fit into this category, because even though life goes on, through the process of divorce there are some things that are changed forever.

Memories of baby’s first Christmas that once were shared and a source of bonding between mother and father often become harder to recall, and become reminders of the loss of what could have been.  What once had been simple celebrations in which one made holiday plans with the children often becomes a major negotiation process, with neither parent really experiencing the fullness of family celebrations that can more easily exist with intact marriages. 

What is the point?  

Well, simply to encourage you, my readers, to recognize that people are different, and their experiences are different, and so maybe a blanket “Merry Christmas to all” may not be the best way to approach this season with everyone you meet.  

Instead, I recommend some degree of sensitivity and working on listening skills, so that your expressions of love can be heard as that, rather than be experienced as calloused and uncaring empty words.  In fact, I might even encourage you to go one step further this year; why not seek out someone for whom this is likely to be a difficult time?  Let them know that your friendship is real, that your caring is more than surface, and find a way to brighten their lives just a bit.  It just might be the beginning of pleasant Christmas memories for someone you know.  And it might begin a special Christmas tradition of love for you, too!