Want
An Extreme Challenge?
Try Parenting!
Or if that’s
not enough of a challenge for you, try STEP-parenting! There are all those guides out there to
parenting, each with a specific perspective and favorite techniques. And some of them have some really good
ideas! I especially like the materials
put out by Jim Faye and by Stephen Glenn…but there are plenty of other good
ones, too. However, I've always thought
it would be the most helpful if you
could get your kids to read the books, too, so they would know how they are
supposed to respond when you implement the strategies!!
In the movie,
Saving Mr. Banks, we are
presented with individuals who turned out in different ways after tough
childhoods; amazingly different responses, in fact. And if you look up the life story of the
woman depicted, you discover some parenting issues that arose out of an
adoption she did. Truth is, raising
kids is just pretty messy, isn’t it?
While most parents don’t want to admit it, the truth is, none of us
really know exactly what we are doing,
and spend plenty of time wondering if we made the right choices. We have this child (or children) we love more
than anything in the world, but the child did NOT come with a set of specific
instructions. And since we know that God
created each of us to be unique beings, even if there were such guidebooks,
they would always have to be tweaked and adapted to the unique child who is
yours (which of course is why the Bible has such a wide variety of individuals
and examples for us to consider). We do
the best we know, and we pray a lot, maybe even attend some seminars and read
some books, but there are not easy answers in a one size fits all format. I know great parents whose kids have made
very poor choices, and lousy parents who ended up with kids who are some of the
greatest people I know. And I know a LOT of adoptive parents and step parents who deal with
some very difficult issues.
I was
visiting with some dear, dear friends in recent days who have just lost a young
adult son in an automobile accident. (Say a prayer for them….God knows their
names.) Life is so unpredictable, isn’t
it? We talked about choices our children
make, and we talked about lessons we try to instill, then afterwards, visited
with another family who have their own issues with adult children and concerns
for grandchildren. I also know lots of
people who try to step parent effectively, and wrestle with exes who are at
odds with them or have different values and priorities, and seek to undermine
everything they do.
All of these
things led me to the few simple points I’d like to make in today’s blog.
First, if you are divorced and having issues
with your children, it isn't legitimate to assume that all the problems are due
to the divorce, the step-parent or interference of the ex. Even “perfect” families can have great
difficulties in child rearing.
Second,
again, primarily for those are divorced, it is already difficult enough as it
is, don’t complicate it more by dragging children into some kind of war with
your ex. Put the kids first, and do you
best to leave you personal issues aside.
Third, God bless you if you are seeking to be a godly parent raising
your children in the best traditions and teachings of the Christian faith. God will honor your choices, even if your
children don’t always do so.
Fourth,
realize life is precious, life is short and life is unpredictable. We only have our children for a season, and
it is important that we appreciate and love them with the opportunities we
have, for we do not know when those opportunities will cease.
Last, and most important of all, as I say so
often in my books, pray for your children, knowing that God knows them better
than you, loves them more than you, and He doesn't need any kind of guidebook
to tell HIM what is best for your children.
Trust Him with these precious gifts he has given that we call sons,
daughters, step-sons, step-daughters and adopted children. Never underestimate what He can and will do
in their hearts and lives.
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