God is the Same!

CONTINUITY IN TRANSITIONS

I just came inside from planting a clematis and setting up a trellis for it, after walking by a little rose garden with 8 or 9 bushes leafing out in celebration of spring.  All of those plants once belonged to my father, who passed away a few years ago.  

Many of you are aware that my wife and I are in the process of a very long, drawn out move from one town to another.  Those of you who know me, already know that I am a sap.  

Movies, songs, mementoes and photographs are just a few of the things that transport me in time, and bring back treasured memories.  And I have learned that those treasure memories that helped shape who I am, travel with me wherever I go and whatever I experience as life changes and moves.  

Those leafing plants are part of the connections for me during this time of transition as I move forward into this next chapter God has for my life.  Every shift that takes place in life, always brings something new that creates new memories, friendships and treasures that are added to what God has already gifted to me, creating and enriching new things in my life. 

Transitions are always like that.  They are often not easy.  It is not an easy thing to pick up roots and move from one location, leaving behind church, friends, family and familiar sights to start afresh in another.  But in the moves I have made over the years, I have learned that even though there are things left behind, there are new friends, new churches, new favorite restaurants, new sights, a plethora of experiences to come that cannot be experienced without stepping away from what was.  So while a time of transition (whether a forced transition or one made by choice) can be challenging, it is also a time of promise.

You may be in life transition yourself.  Divorce is certainly one of those experiences, often a very difficult transition, but so is moving, job change, empty nest, and lots of other life experiences.  Each time, one goes through the process of figuring out what to let go of, and what can and should be brought along.  Perhaps the most important things to take with you are the things that cannot be taken away:  your character, your faith, the lessons you have learned, the memories you cherish, the friendships you have developed.

I first learned this lesson from an elderly woman who resided in a nursing home for whom I was the assigned deacon to take communion to her month by month.  She had only recently moved to the facility, and it was apparently not her choice to have done so.  She struggled with being in the new location, she missed her house, and longed for something familiar in her life.  One day when I met with her, she pointed to a simple chest of drawers and explained that her children had brought it from her house for her, and how pleased she was that they had. She then said something I have never forgotten:  “You know, they can take away my things, but they can’t take my memories, and I have some wonderful memories.”  

God is the same, wherever you reside.  

Your memories remain your memories in any location.  

Your character, your essence, the core of who you are is not dependent on where you live, but on choices you make and experiences you have had, and especially on how you allow God to use those things to shape you into his image.  

In transition?  

That is how life is for all of us.  A friend of mine used to say that the only thing that never changes is that everything is always changing!  I encourage you to make your transitions with faith, hope and expectancy, embracing the positive things ahead with all the things you have become through the things that have brought you to this point already.  God awaits us whenever we venture into those new chapters of life.

Resurrection Living

RESURRECTION!

I figure it wasn’t very much fun to be one of Jesus’ disciples from Good Friday to Easter Sunday.  They had been very excited about what they had discovered when they met Jesus, and as they followed him, sharing in the teachings and miracles of the Messiah.  It was like a dream come true.  It must have felt like everything they had hoped for in life and beyond was the experience of their daily lives.  

But then, when they saw Jesus crucified and buried, their world turned upside down as their dream come true turned into a nightmare come true.   Not knowing where to turn, they spent their time hiding in fear, or returning to their simple lives as fishermen.  

Hopeless.  Dark days of isolation and sorrow.

Then came resurrection Sunday.  

Friday was not the end of the story, however.  

Though they experienced the depths of sorrow and despair, God didn’t leave them there.  Three days later, there was exultation beyond their wildest imagination.  This is the story of hope, the story of life, God style.

Resurrection living applies to many areas of our lives, where we need God’s light to shine into the darkness of our struggles and experiences to bring new hope, fresh starts, second chances and new opportunities.  Whether it is  second opportunity after a broken marriage, a fresh start breaking free of addictions, or simply moving to new dreams while leaving despair behind, God specializes in resurrecting the dead places of our lives.

Simple message today:  offer God those areas of your life that could stand to be given new life, then watch him work.  You will be as amazed as the disciples were, come Easter morning.

P.S.  Nola and I went to watch the movie, “The Case for Christ” yesterday in preparation for Easter.  It’s worth the time and money…I encourage you to make plans to go yourself…and invite a friend!  Happy Easter!

Where was God this morning?

WHERE WAS GOD?

This morning, Palm Sunday morning, as Coptic Christians were celebrating and remembering Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem, bombs went off at their churches and killed dozens of worshippers, and wounded scores.  ISIS was quick to claim responsibility.  

My heart goes out to those brothers and sisters on the other side of the globe in their grief during this most special time of the year for those of the Christian faith.  

A few years ago I got to go on a trip to tour sites in Jordan, Israel and Egypt.  While we were in Egypt, we were hosted by a guide who was a Coptic Christian.  She was a very intelligent woman, knowledgeable about the history of her nation and all the sites we went to see.  Every time I read a headline about the Copts, I always think of her, and how gracious she was to us on our tour.

It wasn’t that long ago a Coptic Church in Cairo was bombed by the radical Islamic terrorists.  I remember hearing later that after that happened, the next time the church gathered to worship, more tolerant Muslims gathered in front of the church to protect it and to show in a tangible way that not all Muslims are like those terrorists.  

I have known of folks who have wondered, though, why God would allow things like that to happen to people who worship him, why he doesn’t prevent these things from happening.  

It is a good question, and this is a good time to ask it.

Today, in our worship services, we focused on the fact that when Jesus headed into Jerusalem on the Triumphal Entry, he went in knowing that he was soon to be tortured and killed, and yet he went.  He went because he knew that God had a purpose that was more important than keeping Jesus safe from physical harm--the winning forgiveness and salvation for millions who would believe.  First Peter 2:21-23 addresses this and the relevance it has for those of us who struggle:

 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.  When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

It is interesting that this passage makes the assumption that those who follow him will also suffer, and that Jesus’ experiences of Holy Week serve as guides for how we are to face tough times.  I have heard reports in the past that the Coptic Christians who have suffered so much have actually lived by the instructions in this passage, and that their response to suffering has had a great impact on those who have observed them, even causing some of them to come to Christ to follow the God who helps people in suffering such as this.

God doesn’t always explain why he allows people to suffer, and not even those who are striving to follow him in life.  Nor is he obligated to do so.  But over and again the scriptures make clear that God DOES have purpose when he allows tragedy into the lives of believers, and that he will work it into something meaningful and use it in a way that brings glory to him.  

Perhaps you are struggling today as well.  Maybe you didn’t lose a loved one in a bombing, but there are lots of ways people struggle:  health concerns, emotional stress, job loss, the list is endless.  Maybe you feel the betrayal of a spouse who has filed for divorce, as Jesus felt the betrayal of Judas and of the crowd who would later shout for him to be crucified.  He understands what it is like to be betrayed.  And he left you an example of how to cope with it.  

Where was God this morning in Egypt?  

He was weeping beside those who lost loved ones in the bombing, and was collecting every tear they shed as a precious treasure.  

He was holding the survivors close, waiting for them to turn to him for comfort and hope.

He was speaking to the hearts of the ISIS leaders, warning them that the path they are on is not the way of God.  

He was reaching out to the hearts of those who are observing the Coptic Christians in their grief, showing them that there is a faith that can sustain even in the darkest of days.

At the same time, I also heard today that Christians were able to freely gather and worship today near Mosul, after years of oppression that kept them from doing so.  

God is still alive, God is still moving.  

I invite you to join me in prayer for the families of the victims there in Egypt, and also for their witness in this tragic time.  I invite you to join me in praying that God will help them through the rest of their Holy Week remembrance, and be especially near to them on Easter.   And, though I did not write about them, let’s also be in prayer for all those victimized with the poisonous attacks in Syria.  The world is just as troubled today as it was when Jesus walked the earth.  Thank God, though, that he has done something about it:  he sent a Savior who will one day return as judge, at which time he will make all things right.  At that time, we will no longer ask why; instead, we will marvel at the wisdom of God in allowing things we would never have imagined could be turned for good.

SaveSave

I Will Be With You.

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

Have you ever heard the jokes about the light at the end of the tunnel?  You know, like the one where the guy says he finally say the light at the end of the tunnel and felt great relief, until he realized it was an oncoming train?  Or the one I like best, says, something like:  In order to help conserve energy and curb global warming, the light at the end of the tunnel is now turned off until further notice.  It’s kind of like the person who says that, knowing his luck, when his ship comes in he’ll be at the airport!  Laughing about those kinds of things can be fun, but when you are in the midst of the dark tunnel, they aren’t quite as funny.  

I don’t know about you, but I have found in the course of my life, that there are plenty of times that feel like pretty dark places now and again.  Sometimes it can be limited to one specific area of life, other times it may be how life in general feels.  I recall that while I was going through the divorce process and its aftermath, that was a really dark time.  And like the proverbial tunnel, it felt like it just went on and on and on…and sometimes there I couldn’t see any light, whether at the end of the tunnel or anywhere else!

Maybe you are reading this, and that is exactly where you are, down in that deep, dark tunnel.  I remember reading a long time ago that one thing that was learned from the experiences of soldiers in the Vietnamese prison camps was that an individual can endure almost anything as long as he or she has some sense or hope that there will be an end to it, especially when the end is in sight.  Sometimes it is hard to see that end, especially when things drag on and on, or seem to go from bad to worse.  

At the same time, there are life lessons, and God lessons, that one can only learn when in those dark times. For example, nobody ever learned endurance without having experienced something that required them to endure!  Or that you will never know God can provide for you if you never need anything.  Sometimes the lessons that are learned are lessons about what really is important in life, with the result that we adjust our priorities accordingly.  It still isn’t fun to go through the tough times, but at least there is a benefit in the long run.

One of my favorite passages in scripture is found in Isaiah 43.  Verse two says:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.”  (ESV)

I love it because, though it does not promise we won’t face tough times (in fact, it acknowledges that we definitely ARE going to), God’s promises in the verse are that we never need face them alone, and that He will put limitations on them so that, if we lean on God, they will not do us in.  Those two truths are probably the best “light at the end of the tunnel” promises we could ever find.  Today, I just want to encourage you to remember that, no matter how dark things get in your life, God will walk through them with you if you invite him to do so, and he will make sure you get through them okay.  

Hang in there…the story isn’t over, God is still working.

Guard Your Heart

WHAT IS THE GAIN?

Much of our lives is absorbed with lots of activities that consume our energy, thoughts and attention on almost a daily basis.  Things such as working a job to be able to pay bills, or trying to figure out from one month to the next HOW to pay those bills.  Our attention can be drawn to how we decorate our homes and yards, or the desire to travel, or ways to get ahead on our local social ladder or in the work arena.  Some of us like to collect things, while others like to sell and trade.  We fill our lives with lots of activities, and some of those activities can become very demanding.  That demanding nature is certainly the case with the process of divorce, as couples haggle over parental access schedules, the division of property, developing plans for a holiday schedule…all of which have to be determined as part of the process after which the judge will declare the divorce final.  

I remember a couple of conversations I had with friends during that miserable time.  One was surprised at some of the items I chose not take, sharing with me the viewpoint that I had not taken a fair share of items.  Whether the perception was accurate or not, I do not know, but I remember responding that it didn’t matter, as those things were just “stuff,” and that what was really important to me was already gone, which was my intact family and marriage.  Another individual observed my reactions along the way, and commented on being struck by the way I continued to try to seek God’s help and guidance in the struggle, even though it was hard to do.  That was an encouraging comment, whether the perception was fully accurate or not.

There is a verse in Mark 8 that has often reminded me of how easily we can get distracted in life.  The 36th verse simply says:  “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?” (NASB).  I believe that no matter what is going on in our lives, this verse summarizes the trap that exists--that there are things demanding our attention and goals we may seek, but if we do so without considering the eternal consequences of our choices, we have ultimately failed…no matter how successful the world considers us to be.

For those caught in the throes of divorce, suppose you do get your way, obtain everything you want and win every contest at court.  If your sell your soul to get it, did you really win anything?  Everyone faces this test in one way or another.  You might make the top rung in the corporate world, but what price did you pay to claw your way there?  I think of those who like to consider themselves at the height of fashion, popularity or wealth, all of which will gain them nothing if they forfeited their soul along the way.

There is another verse I like as well, from the book of Proverbs, 4:23-- “Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.” We are so diligent about doing the work assigned to us, or to keeping the yard up, or paying the bills on time, or being part of that important social club, but it is even more important to be diligent about taking care of our hearts.  We tend to our hearts by keeping them from things that would lead us astray, by keeping them tender toward the voice of God, by keeping our hearts free from bitterness and unforgiveness.  How often life places such intense demands upon us that we can easily become distracted from taking care of the issues of the heart, which is first and foremost an issue between ourselves and God.

One of my seminary professors, Maynard Hatch, used to say, “The trouble with the rat race is that, even if you win, you are still a rat!”  Today, I just want to challenge my readers to a little self-assessment.  Where are you in life?  What are you caught up in?  If you are in the process of divorce, have you allowed it to consume you and lead you off track, or to plant troubling things within your heart?  I encourage you to take a few minutes to sit down quietly, just you and God, perhaps with a calendar, checkbook and Bible before you, to examine your life and your heart, and take a careful measure of whether you have lost focus.  What does it profit if you get things working your way here, if in the end, you forfeit your soul?  Take stock of your life, and make sure that the priorities of your life match the priorities God desires you to have.  And do it before it is too late.  God is more interested in helping you get back on track, than most of us are to find that track in the first place.  God will help you get there, if you but give him the chance.  Don’t let anything, not even divorce or an argument with someone at church, lead you off God’s track for your life.

Trauma and Divorce

PTSD

This is my father, Leon Crooks, traveling through Italy during World War 2 with his Chemical Battalion

My dad was in World War II.  He served in the army, in a mortar battalion that spent lots of time at the front line…in fact, I have been told that only one other army unit had more time in front line combat than my dad’s battalion.  That was because Dad’s battalion was regularly sent to the front of areas about to be invaded, assigned to do the advance work in preparation for the foot soldiers to advance.  Dad’s battalion had a very high casualty rate.  And he was witness/participant in some very awful things, including his arrival at Dachau the day after it was liberated.  .

One day in the final years of his life, Dad and I were talking about his life, and how he handled the adjustments back to civilian life.  Dad described how his brother-in-law and sister had taken him into their business for a while, which included a lot of traveling and working with dogs.  As Dad described the experiences, he said, “Back then, nobody had ever heard of PTSD, though we did talk about guys that suffered ‘shell shock.’  I guess a lot of us had PTSD and just didn’t know it.  Working with those dogs like that probably saved my life.”  It was a very touching moment, revealing dad’s reflecting on and trying to absorb in retrospect all that he had experienced.  He also said that he got to tour Europe…he just had to walk everywhere!  And that, looking back, he doesn’t know how in the world he and his men did all the things that they had done.  It was a very tough and demanding experience in many ways.

I was thinking about our conversation, and some of the things I know about divorce and the people who have gone through it, as well as my experiences with grief (both my own and those I have worked with), and realized I have probably never written a blog that ties the struggle of and recovery from divorce to a PTSD type framework.  And yet, often those are certainly both traumatic experiences for the individuals who go through them.  I did a quick search (yes, ME, I really did!) one of the first search results I ran across was this                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    website---www.helpguide.org---which had an article about PTSD that I thought was useful to share.  Their description was very striking:

When you experience a threatening or traumatic event, your nervous system responds by triggering the fight, flight, or freeze response. After the danger passes, your body usually returns to normal. But if the upset doesn't fade and you feel stuck with painful memories and a constant sense of vulnerability, you may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As upsetting and disabling as PTSD can be, it’s important to realize that you’re not helpless. There are plenty of things you can do to alleviate your PTSD symptoms, reduce anxiety and fear, and take back control of your life.   …any event, or series of events, “that overwhelms you with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness and leaves you emotionally shattered can trigger PTSD, especially if the event feels unpredictable and uncontrollable.

Sound familiar?  

The site goes on to talk about the lingering painful memories, loss of sleep, avoiding certain places or activities that trigger memories and several other characteristics of PTSD.  

It certainly resonates well with the experience of divorce as well as grief, wouldn’t you say?  

I think that is especially true of the person who suffered the shock of a spouse saying he/she is filing for divorce - and if you've ever seen the scene in Hope Floats - when dad is saying goodbye to his daughter - a scenario well depicted and acted by Mae Whitman and Sandra Bullock.    (Click here to view the video clip on Youtube:  Hope Floats)  

The website’s description of PTSD is applicable in lots of situations, including a serious accident or illness, the loss of a limb or ability, and also the experience of having your parents divorce.  Traumatic events are a part of the lives of many of us, in one way or another.  The shock, pain, losing and regaining equilibrium, and finding ways to move beyond the trauma are issues most of us face at one time or another in our lives.  

I think the first step in working through trauma is to simply realize and acknowledge that you have suffered a trauma, i.e., I have been traumatized.  It is not just a simple parting of the ways in many cases; it is a traumatic event that completely reorders one’s life!

The site then goes on to describe some of the things that can be helpful in overcoming.  Their suggestions include physical activity and exercise, learning relaxation techniques to apply in overwhelming times, taking advantage of healthy relationships with others, as well as working to develop a more healthy lifestyle.  If you are really struggling with these kind of symptoms, you might want to go to the website to read more.  

I find that being part of a healthy church and maintaining a healthy relationship with God can be one of the most healing resources you can find.  I'm not recommending that you should pursue your religious side to the exclusion of the other helpful treatments.  I find that those who do so can often end up in denial and never facing their grief and loss head on.  On the other hand, those who pursue all the self-help remedies and never address their need for God are also operating with less than complete wholeness.  

Nevertheless, one of the great hallmarks of God in the scripture is that he is the Great Physician, the one whose specialty is healing broken hearts and inner wounds.  Sometimes he does so through caring friends.  Sometimes by speaking directly to our hearts, or through scripture.  And sometimes he uses the means that exist in the world around us.  But today, I simply want to suggest that if you have experienced some form of trauma in life, recognize that GOD was neither surprise nor traumatized by what you experienced; he will help you move forward, one step at a time.

A Person of Integrity

NO GUARANTEES!

The process of divorce, like much of life, is highly unpredictable.  

Even the court process is that way.  I have known times when attorneys entered a courtroom fully convinced that they would win their point, only to be surprised when the judge ruled against them.  I have known of judges who tend to favor the wife, others who favor the husband, and then there are those who seek to be as unbaised as possible.  Those reputations get around, with the result that I have known individuals would file in a different county from their own simply to avoid a biased judge, or to be in a court where the judge’s bias might work in their favor.  So much for blind justice, huh?

But the courtroom is not the only place where guarantees are absent.  In negotiations between a divorcing couple,  sometimes one partner may enter the negotiation in good faith, presenting options and accepting agreements in all good faith, only to discover later that the other party was being less than honest and find they have been duped or cheated.  

You may also be the parent (divorced or not), who tries to teach your children what is right, and do your best to make good choices and be the best parent you can be, only to see your child later turn against you or everything you have taught them.  In divorce, this can even play out where a child will choose to side with a parent who has been dishonest, unfaithful and abusive against one who is really trying to do what is right.  It can be very discouraging.  In fact, it can even make one wonder why it is even worth trying to do what is right, when it all falls apart.

There are innumerable situations in which these kinds of experiences happen.  Promotions at work may be given to those who lie and manipulate, while the honest, hard worker is left high and dry.  Social circles may shun those who are sincere and honest, while favoring others who treat people shabbily or talk about them behind their back.  Fame and fortune is one place you can see this kind of apparent injustice play out.  There are many people considered very “successful” whose behaviors are reprehensible, and yet they are adulated by the masses.   

Does it pay to continue to try to be a person of integrity?

These things remind me of the verse in Matthew 5:45, where God is described as the Father in heaven who, “causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”   The things we observe as the way the world works, simply does not always operate based on the principle of appropriate rewards for good and for evil.  Jeremiah asks the question of God, in chapter 12, of why the wicked prosper, surely out of the context of his own suffering while following God’s leading.  

It is a frustrating experience.  

So why bother?

Well, might I suggest that there are some issues that are easy to overlook?  For example, sometimes doing what you know to be right isn’t really about getting the results you hope you will get so much as it is about being the kind of person you truly want to be.  Choosing to be less than honest, to start acting as if the ends justifies the means, results in your own character being tainted or diminished, and though you may get a particular reward, the price you pay is very high.  In addition, there is the fact that any of these evaluations are very short term.  While things at the time may seem unjust and evil, in the long run, God will make all things right… at the final judgment if not in this world.  Time and again we are encouraged in the scriptures to set our focus on those things that are above, not on the things here on earth.  When circumstances turn against you, it can be hard to look above.

There simply are not guarantees that things will always work out the way we think they OUGHT to be.  But while there are not guarantees like that, I would be remiss to say that there are NO guarantees.  

God guarantees to ultimately honor all those who follow his will and live according to his principles…even if people don’t.  

God guarantees that you never have to go through any of life’s hard experiences alone, for he is always present, whether you sense him or not.  

God guarantees that no deed of service to him and no tear shed by his people goes unnoticed.  

God guarantees that he will give you the strength you need to face whatever comes, if you turn to him and seek it.  

And the nice thing is, God’s guarantees are not just for a lifetime, they are promises for eternity.  

So while you may have to face and accept some things in life that just seem so unfair and so hurtful, don’t fall into the misconception that what you are experiencing is the end of the story.  Ultimately, when all is said and done, when you finally see things from God’s eternal perspective, you will see God make all things right, and realize his way truly was best.