How Do You Handle Loss?

LOSS CAN HURT, BUT…

“I think I have a hard time dealing with loss.”

“Ya’ THINK????”

That was the core of a conversation I had with my wife yesterday.  She was the one who said, “Ya’ THINK???”  She may not have used exactly those words, but it was pretty close to that, if not in verbage, in tone and intent.

You see, we had a few items that had gotten damaged recently, and I sorted through them yesterday to see what, if anything, was salvagable.  Not much was.  The items, some mine, some hers, included a few photographs, some of which are replaceable, some of which are not, and some nostalgic momentoes which cannot be replaced.  After working through the items, saddened at losing many of them as well as the work it will take to replace what I can, I walked by a polo shirt she had picked up the other day for me and told her that we just needed to take it back.  When she asked why, I explained it looked too similar to a shirt my dad used to wear, and I think it would bother me to be wearing it.  It was at about this time that I made my comment.

One would think I would be a person who has no issues with loss, having been through divorce and all the loss it entails, and having lost a plethora of aunts and uncles to death in recent years, as well as having moved multiple times in life, loss should be a no-brainer for me, huh?  Some of my earliest memories of loss center around good childhood friends who moved to another town when I was young, and a multitude of cats, mostly named Tinkerbelle (by my sister), who ended up on the wrong end of a tire on the nearby highway.  

Life is filled with losses.  Divorce is rampant with them.  (I claim I lost my African violets in the divorce, because they thrived in the bay window of our house, but when I moved, the first place I lived had terrible window light and the violets died, one by one.)  

Divorce brings loss of hopes for what the marriage might have been, loss of memories with children due to drastically altered life schedules, custodies and “visits,” financial loss, loss of a home, loss of companionship, maybe loss of optimism, innocence or joy, loss of various relationships that are entangled in the process…  If divorce is anything, it is a LOT of losses all wrapped up in an already difficult and drawn out process.  

I have noticed as a pastor that people handle losses lots of different ways.  Some grieve briefly and move on quickly.  Others become weighed down and almost obsessed with their losses.  Some process loss over time, weeping a bit here and there, and then dealing with another level later when some reminder pops up.  For some, loss is just an ache that is carried in the heart that remembers the hurt.  There is always an opportunity to learn through loss, and we can grow through it.  

Loss can teach us to appreciate the things that really matter in life, which probably was NOT my framed magazine cut out picture in the damaged box, which had come from the old toolshed.  No, probably more important was the person with whom I shared time in that toolshed, and the skills learned there, and the precious memories that are stirred whenever I encounter the right combination of the odors of sawdust and oil.  However, sometimes what is lost ARE the important things…such as time with your children that has suddenly been drastically reduced.  

Interestingly enough, after that encounter last night, in this morning’s devotional time, I was reading in last year’s Our Daily Bread, an article by David McCasland in which he refers to Joshua setting up stones from the middle of the Jordan River as a reminder for generations to come.  McCasland talks of the various souvenirs and trinkets he had collected over the years that evoked nostalgia on his part.  They, along with Joshua’s rock markers, become for McCasland a useful reminder of the positive ways God has acted in his past, but instead of leaving the focus on the past, he uses those reminders to give him hope and encouragement as he faces today and tomorrow.  Knowing God has helped in the past, provides evidence of his faithfulness and yields encouragement that he will also be there to help today and throughout the days to come.  The timing of the article was impeccable for me.  (I’m glad I didn’t have it to read last year!)  

I don’t believe there is a specifically right and healthy way to handle loss.  There are certainly some UNHEALTHY ways to deal with it…such as so much of the violence we witness in America in the news.  But the right and healthy ways vary from person to person, and the time it takes to work through loss varies from person to person, as well as according to the kind of loss suffered.  However, the most important task in experiencing losses is accepting them as part of life and learning to grow from them, to weave them into meaningful life lessons to help us as we face life’s challenges today and tomorrow.  

I love the joy that these tokens of memory bring to life when I see them, joy from happy celebrations, special trips or valued relationships.  But they are only tokens.  Life is so much more than the tokens we accumulate along the way…much as we may treasure them.  If you are grieving a loss at this time, I encourage you to also search in the midst of loss for those tokens of the past that bring hope for tomorrow, knowing that the God who helped you then has not changed and will continue to watch over you today and forever.  

Then again, there was the loss I experienced that my father confirmed just a few years before he died.  As I was helping him clean out some things at the house, I voiced the possibility that perhaps I might run across my childhood baseball cards, cards with pictures of heroic ball players…Mickey Mantle, Roger Marris, Willie Mays, Sandy Kofax and more.  Dad simply said, “You aren’t going to run across them.  I know that your mother threw them away when we moved.  I saw her do it.  I don’t know why she did it, but I know they are gone.”  Lost baseball cards are in a category all its own!  But for everything else, loss can be a valuable experience in life.  

The Pain of Mother's Day

WHEN MOTHER’S DAY HURTS

Frankly, I do not know if this day is celebrated around the world in the same way it is here in the United States, but it is the day so many celebrate and honor that special person in our life called, “mother.”  

However, over the years I have learned that as we celebrate it, there are those among us who experience inner pain and struggle on this day, and today I would like to be mindful of some of those.

My first awareness that Mother’s Day can be difficult for some was when, as a pastor, I had an elderly single woman explain to me that she never attends church on Mother’s Day, because for her, it is a reminder that she never had someone who wanted to marry her, and that she never experienced the joy of having children of her own.  It may have been different if she had intentionally chosen those things, but these were not what she had hoped for in life, and Mother’s Day was, for her, a reminder of her disappointment.  In addition, in her generation, such a person received the title “old maid,” and her self-worth had been damaged by that image in her life.  Until that point, for me, Old Maid was simply a card game played by children…I had no idea of the pain in women like her.

I guess it never struck me, because two very special aunts in my life, two of the ones who lived in closest proximity in my childhood, were both childless.  Looking back, I wonder now if they struggled as this widow did.  Their husbands both loved them dearly, and honored them on this day…as did I , knowing that their mothering skills were not wasted, but shared with nieces and nephews like myself.  

I suspect it would also be hard to be joyous today for a woman (or a man) whose mother has recently died, and today brings some mourning in the midst of the joy.  Or, the mother who has children who are ungrateful or too self-absorbed, and who will make no significant acknowledgement to their mothers today…that would have to hurt as well.

There are other women for whom, the pain bound up in Mother’s Day comes from a different source.   Some individuals struggle with the day because their mother was not the kind of mother we celebrate, but the kind of mother whose children are taken from her because of the abusive way she treats them.  Those children today may be struggling with the disappointment and suffering they experienced at the hands of an abusive mother.  

For some women, Mother’s Day has become a day of prayer for a child who has broken mother’s heart by choosing a wayward and godless path for life, perhaps with mother not even knowing where that child is now.  This day is hard to celebrate under circumstances like these.  

In addition, there are also women who have given birth to a child, only to lose that child to death somewhere along the way, and who may choose to be at a graveside today, rather than celebrating over Sunday dinner.  She may feel her joy of motherhood has been cut short.  

The Bible contains examples of some women like these, but often with different endings.  Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth are examples of women who struggled in a society where being childless carried a stigma of shame and pain, but in each of their cases, God eventually changed the story and granted them a child, even in old age.  

But then, there is Anna the widow, for whom childlessness is implied, who served God day and night in the temple for years and years.  There was also two widows whose sons had died, one a Shunnamite and the other from a city called Nain, but their sons were brought back to life in the ministries of Elisha and Jesus, respectively.  Mary, the mother of Jesus, is a powerful example of a woman whose heart had been pierced through by the death of her son.

Women in these situations we understand may struggle.  But there are others who struggle because of the ripples that come from divorce.  For example, there is the mother who is also a grandmother, but will not see or hear from her grandchildren today because they are at their mother’s home, which is no longer the home of her son.  

There are mothers who sorrow today, because their son or daughter is suffering because of a divorce that has split their home.  Though their sons or daughters have not died, still their mother’s dreams for their lives have been broken by the tragedy of divorce instead of the “happily ever after” of fairy tale fame.  

There are mothers who have gone through divorce whose children have turned on them, perhaps because their minds have been poisoned by dad, perhaps because they blame mother for the broken home, and perhaps because she did not make the best of choices in the throes of divorce.  

Some of those mothers will not hear from their children today, so Mother’s Day will be far from happy.  Some divorced mothers will experience today as a reminder of the brokenness that has come into their lives, and perhaps the financial struggles as well, and the father of the children who once helped make the celebration of Mother’s Day special is no longer around to remind or help the children to remember.  

There are some divorced mothers who will remember this day with ambivalence, for though they love their children dearly, they are also reminded of the abuse they suffered at the hands of the father, perhaps for many, many years.

So am I trying to be depressing on what is supposed to be a day of celebration and joy?  

That isn’t my intention.  But I wanted to encourage you today to realize that if this is a joyous occasion for you, then you are truly a blessed person and need to be thankful for it.  

If it is a joyous occasion for you, then perhaps you can find a way to share a bit of that joy with a woman somewhere around you who may be experiencing more tears than joy today.  

Joy needs to be shared, and when it is, joy is multiplied!  

I encourage you to make Mother’s Day a happier one for someone like that whom you know.  

P.S.  I focused only on women today, but the hurting person around you may be the recently divorced dad, for whom today is a reminder that he is no longer with the mother of his children.  Though we don’t always say it, guys have feelings, too!

You Didn't Fail

I MESSED UP!!

Divorce is filled with a plethora of emotions, assailing the divorcing person in random and sometimes overwhelming ways.  

One of those emotions is the feeling of failure, and hours can be spent rethinking all the possible things that, if only done differently, MIGHT have made all the difference in saving the marriage.  That struggle is one that is easily understood and certainly to be expected, whether the conclusions are true or not.  

An emotional struggle that is less obvious is the concern about messing up during the process of divorce as one makes decision after decision that affects the lives of one’s children.  Perhaps each decision is made with great consideration, trying to predict how the decision will impact the children.  Sometimes, a divorcing parent is either so desperate or, sometimes, so self-centered, that he or she only thinks of self-preservation and self-gratification with no thought given to the impact on the children.  Regardless of which way a parent goes through divorce, there surfaces at some point a fear that somehow, I will have done something that has screwed up my children for life; I messed up!

For years people used to say that children are resilient and bounce back and so on.  Several years ago, that claim was debunked and it was discovered that children of divorce are more likely to end up in divorce and have other significant problems later in life.  

A divorce DOES impact children, no matter what age they are when it occurs.  And no matter how careful one is in making decisions in the best interest of the children, none of us is perfect, sometime, somehow we will each mess up something.   

Some would quickly point out that the best decision is for the parents to stay together and provide that stable home for the child.  In many cases, that may well be true…but I believe it is true only if the home is indeed stable.  It is not helpful for children to grow up in a home where one parent is regularly beaten or berated by the other.  It is not healthy for a child to grow up in a home where each evening that child waits in fear to see if a parent is going to come home drunk and beat them.  So staying together in situations such as that ONLY is helpful if the real problems are resolved and the home is changed.  

So how does one handle it when children are hurt by the decisions we make?  How does one face the fear and guilt that one may have messed up their children’s psyche for life?

I would suggest three things today.  

First, while in the process of divorce, pray about each decision…even if you don’t hear clear answers, keeping an attitude of prayer makes a difference.  And while you pray, entrust your children to God, for God loves them even more than you do!  

Secondly, if you take the time to truly think through your decisions and make the best choice you can in the murky waters or divorce, afterwards you may need to grant yourself the grace of acknowledging that you did the best you knew how to do at the time.  Don’t let hindsight lay guilt upon you, because the truth is, you didn’t know then what you do know now.  

And finally, don’t over blame your divorce.  If you look around you, there are plenty of individuals who were raised in a home without divorce whose lives are equally screwed up.  There are even plenty of individuals raised in a solid Christian home, whose lives in adulthood reject everything they were taught as a child.  Not every problem your child has as they grow up is a result of your divorce.  Children are also responsible for the choices they make in life.  No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect either.  Sometimes life just happens, and sin’s influence takes its toll.  

Do the best that you can each step of the way, confess your mistakes to God and to others appropriately, and then ask God to fill up the gap when you have fallen short in your efforts to be a good parent.  

Pivotal Choices

ONE CHANCE!

Sometimes in life, we have pivotal moments arrive in which we have to make decisions of one form or another, and that one decision makes all the difference for everything that occurs afterwards, just like a chain of dominoes.  

That one moment, that one choice, that one opportunity of a lifetime is the moment when it is critical to make the kind of choice that won’t haunt you for the rest of your life.  

Are you finding this concept one relevant for you?  Perhaps because of a career decision, perhaps because of choices related to divorce, perhaps…well, you can fill in the blank.

I remember when I was going through my divorce, there were a couple of matters that had to be decided, and my attorney drew a distinction between the two.  One issue, she indicated, would be an issue that would evolve and change as time passed, and my decision would relate to how it would be handled at the outset.  The other issue, however, was one that once decided could not be reversed, and so she encouraged me to decide carefully and thoughtfully, and then double checked the answer before filing the appropriate papers.  There are lots of decisions that parallel both of these.

My most recent book, Finding Strength in a Season of Caregiving, is one that comes out of my experience in caring for my parents in the sunset years of their lives.  They had desires of how they would like to spend the last years of their lives, and for those desires to be fulfilled, if I chose to help meet them, meant that a lot of my own life plans had to be placed on the back burner.  But many a time I would repeat a little mantra that came to mean a lot during that time:  you only get one chance to decide how you will be there for your parents when they are aging.  

As an ordained minister, I have been around many families in the midst of grief, and some of those families included individuals weighed down with a great deal of regret for all the things they did not do, did not get settled, did not say.  Perhaps that is part of what beckoned me to choose wisely so as not to regret the irreversible decisions I would be making.  

There is an interesting biblical example for such moments in life.  Hebrews 12:15-17 warns against missing the opportunity to obtain God’s grace, and illustrates the discussion with the story of Esau, who sold away his birthright to his brother, Jacob, for a something to eat at a time when he was hungry (the entire story is found in Genesis 25).  In his desire for fleeting satisfaction, Esau gave up his entire future, because he made his choice based on impulse and his earthly needs, not on the priority of spiritual discipline.  Hebrews said he regretted his choice afterwards, but the decision could not be reversed, even though he cried for it in his heartache.

I encouraged you to go back and read the story, and then ask yourself what are the choices that stand before YOU in life?  A lot of choices during divorce entail far reaching consequences.  I’d like to say that I have always made the best choices, but some choices have not worked out as I thought they would, and I have to deal with the things I cannot reverse, myself.  These choices might be in relation to your parents, or to your children.  They might be about a career, or about a retirement.  Of course, the most critical choice any of us faces is the choice of what we will do in regard to the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross.  Of all the choices in life, it is critical that choice especially be made wisely, for the irreversible consequences of that choice impact each of us not only in this world, but for all eternity in the world to come.  How are you doing with the “only one chance” questions of your life?

Barriers

GAZING IN THE MIRROR

I’ve been a minister for longer than I am going to tell you here today.  A number of years ago, I was first introduced to a few principles that have shaped my thinking and ministry ever since.  These principles are even at the core of my devotional books about divorce, and are principles that make a huge difference in how one approaches ministry, and how one views the work of the church they lead or attend.  I’d like to share with you the things I learned, because perhaps they will be helpful in your own context.

The first principle I learned when visiting with an acquaintance who, though technically a member of the church I was at, was not actively involved at the time.  He made the comment to me that though he didn’t claim to know a lot about church, he did think that the sermons were being preached in the wrong place.  Based on what he saw in the evangelistic appeals when he watched Billy Graham, he thought his church was acting in a misguided way:  he thought that they were preaching in the wrong place on the wrong day.  Instead of Sunday in a church pulpit, he thought God’s people ought to be down at the local bar on Saturday night instead, because he believed that was where the people were who needed to hear the message of hope.  Good point, huh?  

The next event came out of some things I read or conversations I had a few years  later.  Though I don’t remember the exact source, I remember well the point, which was that it is important for church folks to learn to see their building and their service through the eyes of someone from the outside.  This was easily illustrated by just noticing whether someone coming into the building for the first time could easily find the restroom if they needed to visit it, or would they have to go through the embarrassment of having to ask a stranger.  The challenge is to walk through one’s facility attempting to view it with the eyes of a first time visitor.  I once led a worship service designed to help teach that very thing, accomplished by simply making significant changes in our worship service so as to include unfamiliar hymns and readings, or for things to be way out of order, including standing when we normally sat and vice-versa.  That kind of experience can help a long time member begin to get a sense of what it must feel like to visit a new church for the very first time.

The goal in both cases is to be able to identify the unnecessary and sometimes hurtful barriers we create for those who might be interested in deciding to follow Christ.  The final piece is a logical conclusion of those considerations along with a thoughtful reflection on scripture.  The conclusion is this:  if we want the Christian message we proclaim to be relevant to the lives of those who are not part of a church, we have to learn how to meet them on their turf, with sensitivity to their needs, perspectives and experiences.  The scriptural mandate is clear, but often unnoticed.  The Great Commission challenges Christ’s followers to GO into all the world, not sit in their buildings and expect the world to COME!   (What does this have to do with divorce?  Bear with me…)

After developing some of those thoughts, the thread went one step further when I had opportunity to hear Rebecca Pippert and read her wonderful book, Out of the Saltshaker, Into the World.  She told the story of a time she and a friend bumped into some students on the beach and visited with them for a while. Her friend was disappointed that the students did not accept Christ, and that the friend didn’t get to present “all the steps” of the gospel.  Rebecca responded by asking her friend the names of the students, which he could not remember.  The more questions she asked her friend, the more she realized her friend was far too focused on his own agenda and being able to check the boxes on the list showing he said everything he wanted.  That also meant he was NOT focused on the individuals with whom he talking, and inattentive to any needs they have.  A corollary is that when one approaches individuals from that perspective, we often end up helping them based on the needs and help WE think they need, which may or may not be the appropriate way to address their concerns or the primary need they are experiencing.

This all leads to the principles that we do best when we are willing to take a long hard look in the mirror at our church and ourselves, and risk seeing how we are seen by those outside the faith.  I find it VERY significant that the religious leaders were the individuals whom Jesus challenged most and who were most uncomfortable and resistant to what Jesus said.  Those who were “publicans and sinners” loved being around Jesus and felt welcome and comfortable in His presence.  And that is a major reason why I wrote the devotional books about divorce.  It has been my experience (even in my own pre-divorce ministry) and in almost every church I have attended or visited, that most churches and those in them tend to be clueless and ineffective at best, in how they (we!) minister to individuals going through divorce.  Even our good attempts, such as a ministry I found helpful myself, DivorceCare, the program is designed for a far shorter time period than the time divorcing individuals struggle, and contains occasional assumptions that result in disconnects here and there.  I still remember one in particular that struck a sour chord in me as I worked the program, because of assumptions underlying the teaching.

This has been on my mind of late, because I have been reading again a marvelous book called, Jim & Casper Go to Church by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper.  The whole book is built around presenting the honest perceptions of an atheist as he visits and experiences worship at a variety of churches with a variety of styles.  While there are points here and there in the book that I might take exception with, it remains such a wonderful resource to help us Christians recognize whether we truly are letting the light of Christ shine through us, or whether it is something else that gets through.  I think far too often the light of Christ is NOT what is shined on individuals struggling in the midst of divorce, instead it is all too often a harsh and judgmental posture, or the expectation that someone recently divorced needs to just get over it and move on…all of which demonstrates the great disconnect that exists.  Well worth reading, I assure you.

It is my hope that my devotional books, and this little blog, can provide not only hope and encouragement for individuals struggling in divorce.  Beyond that, however, they can also be good teaching resources to enhance the ministry effectiveness of pastors and laymen who seek to be used of Christ to encourage their struggling friends.  I learned of a group of pastors who chose to read through the books together as a way to enrich the effectiveness of their ministries, since few of them had been divorced.  I heard that one person in the group, who had been divorced, made the comment that, “this is way too real!”  I had another friend who commented that she thinks it would be great for any pastor to read them, so as to have a real sense of what his people are experiencing when divorce strikes.  Regardless, I would encourage you as a reader to look around you in life, and seek to notice the individuals who might need a word of encouragement or hope from you…maybe because of divorce, maybe for other reasons.  When you notice that they are there and then start to listen to what their needs and experiences are, perhaps you could then also start to take a long, hard look in the mirror to determine whether there are ways you could be more effective in ministering the love of Christ.

A Reflection on the Recent Words of Pope Francis

THE POPE, DIVORCE & COMMUNION

I am not Catholic, and never have been.  My wife was Catholic when we first met, but as she was recently divorced, she was struggling with her ambiguous standing in the church to which she had given her time, treasure and effort, with doors closed to communion should she choose to move on in life, as she, indeed, has.  In those days, I was able to hear from a personal perspective what it feels like to have doctrine and dogma run over persons and pain.  But this week, there were headlines out indicating that things might be changing.

There was an article by Anthony Faiola and Michelle Boorstein with The Washington Post outlining some recent proclamations by Pope Francis that are being interpreted as offering hope and opportunities for those divorced and remarried in the Catholic Church.  According to the article, Pope Francis released a family life document Friday that: 

“amount to an exultation of traditional marriage while recognizing that life, in his own words, isn’t always ‘perfect.’  Yet rather than judging, he commanded, that church should be a pillar of support.”

The article goes on to say that there is no clear change in church law in the document, but there was a certain vagueness that suggests Pope Francis is supportive of local priests being able to make determinations in a case by case basis whether to allow some divorced/remarried to partake of the Eucharist.  Interestingly enough, the statements have met with a very mixed response, with some individuals outright opposed to making any accommodation, equating such actions with “coddling sinners.”  Others have complained that the message didn’t go far enough, and wanted the Pope to also address gay marriage positively in the document, which he does not, according to the article.  But the fact remains that the pope calls for the church to not take the posture of judgmentalism, but to apply moral teaching in conjunction with compassion and recognizing that, 

“the church must deal with the world it lives in, not the world it wants,”

according to the article.  The article summarizes the document by saying that it 

         “emphasizes and reemphasizes a single point:  Support families.”

It isn’t my place to tell the Catholic Church what it should or should not do, but I sure seems to me that it is about time their theology begins to address the realities of life on a planet filled with sinful people.  After all, when Jesus took on flesh to dwell among us, and gave himself upon the cross as penalty for our sins, he did not offer that grace to a select few, or to those who failed only in certain ways.  Time and again in scripture, the new birth commemorated in the Lord’s Supper is offered to “whoever,” “any,” and “all,” not just a select few that people deem worthy to come.  After all, the only truly worthy one is Jesus, not any human in any church or church office.

My observation has been that churches of all flavors have wrestled with the realities of divorce and remarriage, and have had difficulty determining how to stand for the sanctity of marriage while also standing for individuals who need grace and encouragement when their marriages come to a screeching halt in divorce.  

I appreciate the need to consider each person’s situation on its own merits.  The practice of blanket policies have meant that spouses who have been abused, cheated on and neglected have been lumped in with those whose marriages ended because of their having slept around or committed atrocities against a spouse.  

I believe the Pope is making a positive step in the right direction, though as I am not Catholic, there are plenty of other issues with which I take exception anyway.  But those of us who claim to be followers of Christ, no matter what church affiliation, need to honestly take long, hard looks at ourselves to determine whether we are living and acting in ways that draw people to Christ or push them away. 

Being supportive of families can include families in which only one parent remains, or families where children live in more than one home.  Those of us who have been through divorce know how critical support in such times can be.  As I have said before, the scriptures themselves in both the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament make clear provision for the possibility of divorce, even though they also express sorrow over the conditions that lead to divorce and its devastating aftermath.  

Personally, I continue to find most telling the ministry of Jesus with the woman at the well described in John 4.  Jesus pulled no punches about the woman’s troubled past and present in relationships, and yet she clearly recognized that he had a place for her, and in fact she became one of the best and earliest advocates for Jesus recorded in scripture.  

Let me close with a single thought  If you have been divorced, and struggle because you find that your church either has no place for you, or chooses to put constraints upon you as a second class Christian, I encourage you to follow the model of that Samaritan woman.  She no longer cared what other people thought, because she knew that the most important person of all, the Messiah Jesus, had accepted her and valued her.  

God always has a place for “whoever,” whether the church does or not!

Ten Days After Easter

NOW WHAT?

     Easter was just a Sunday or so ago, but I have an unusual habit:  I read old devotionals.  Oh, I read current ones, too…I’m kind of a devotional junkie.  In fact, during one of my radio interviews, the interviewer asked me why I used a devotional format for my divorce books, and my reply was that first, the reading of it could extend over a longer period of time, which can be helpful since divorce takes a while to get through.  Secondly, I indicated that I enjoy devotionals myself, and have found them to be useful in my life, so wanted to share that special treat as well.  ANYWAY, since I mix in older devotions, I end up with some odd combinations.  Such as, today one of the devotions had been for Good Friday of the year for which it was actually written…and another was on a different day of Holy Week.  So the neat thing is that I am experiencing an extended celebration and reflection about Easter and the surrounding events.

One of the things that struck me in my “after the day” readings about Easter was when I was reading in Luke 24, the stories about the two men walking on the road to Emmaus to whom Jesus appeared.  Careful reading of their words indicates that they were headed home, headed back to pick up the pieces now that the one they “had hoped was the Messiah” had been crucified.  

Jesus makes them tell him about everything they had experienced that week, and as they did so, they mentioned that some women had come claiming to see Jesus, and the disciples had gone to inspect but hadn’t found him.  In other words, these guys had heard the news about the resurrection, but were going home anyway!  I kind of feel the same way when I read John 21 and notice Peter saying that he was going fishing.  They had news of the resurrection, but in spite of the news, they went back to their old routines.

  

Interestingly enough, into both of those stories the resurrected Jesus enters and makes clear that death had not won the final battle, and when they really grasp that, they never return to their old lives again.  Instead, they find new energy, new options, new hope, and new lives!

So Easter was ten days ago,

Could I dare to ask whether it has made any difference in YOUR life?  That is, now that the celebration of the day is over, has the power of that resurrection meant that your life has been changed for the good, not just for a day, but for each and every day afterwards?  

Or have you gone back to fishing, feeling that you wish it had made a difference for you, but it hasn’t?  Because I am reading these old devotionals, I find myself immersed in an ongoing Holy Week repetition and celebration, and I am finding it meaningful and interesting.  We each choose whether we open our hearts and lives to resurrection energy, hope and change, or dwell in the past that weighs our hearts down.

In life, there are many events that can send us spiraling into despondency.  Divorce is certainly one, but it is not the only one.  Not only is that the case, but many individuals go to wonderful Christian conferences, hoping that it will make a big difference in their lives, but return afterwards and find themselves in the same old drudgery.  Let me challenge you today to examine the drudgery and routine of your life.  

Have you lost track of the resurrection?  

Have you lost hope that Jesus was YOUR Messiah and would make a difference for the rest of your life, not just for a moment?  

Have you spent so long dealing with dark and troubling times that hope is a word you can scarcely define, let alone claim as your own?  

If so, I invite you to join me in going back.  As Jesus led those Emmaus disciples back over the events of Holy Week, let God lead you again through the stories of the triumphal entry, the prayers in the garden, the last supper and crucifixion, and the resurrection that IS Easter!  Let those stories remind you that darkness does not win.  That despair is not all powerful.  That despondency falters before the resurrection power of God to change lives forever.  Invite God to let the light of Christ burst forth afresh in your soul, breaking open the stony places just as the rock rolled away from the tomb.  And then go forward unencumbered by the past, but living the promise and the hope.  

Go forward to what God will do in your life AFTER the chapter of divorce.  Or what God may do when he resurrects your marriage and brings it to a place you never thought possible.  No matter how dark the days have been you have experienced, darkness is NOT the end of the story.  God’s light overcomes the darkness, and the power of the resurrection can break any stone that tries to withstand it.  God can, and will, do marvelous things for you when you seek him…even if, as the disciples themselves had to learn, the things that he does don’t always match up with the expectations you have.  Instead, they are better!  

Happy Easter…AGAIN!